My Dog for the $2 Coin

by Henry Makow Ph.D.

It's time we honored the family dog, the common mutt, for his contribution to our happiness.

I propose that my dog Raffi replace the polar bear on the Canadian two dollar coin. The one dollar coin has a loon, and is called the "loonie."  Thus, this coin will be called the "Raffi."

Raffi's Motto:

"Stop and smell the tires."  (Not required on coin.)

Favorite Songs:

"You are the dog of my life." ; "What is this thing called mutt?"; "This dog is mine, God gave this dog to me." (sung to the tune of Exodus)

Best Quality:  Comfortable in his fur. No identity complex.

Worst Qualities: 1) Too self-centered. Needs to put owner first. 2) Shows warm affection to perfect strangers, even canvassers. Assumes everyone loves him.

Owner's Lament: "Raffi, why can't I quit you?!!" (Homage to Breakback Mountain)

Raffi's Pledge:

Wherever there are dogs, cats or small rodents, I'll be there.

Wherever there is food, I'll be there.

Wherever there is hugging and kissing, I'll be there.

Whenever you say, "Raffi, est-ce que tu veux faire une promenade?" I'll be there. (Raffi is a walk-oholic.)

Wherever there is a hydrant or bushes, I'll pee there.

Best Reason to Accept this Proposal:  I will stop writing and accept a lucrative government job taking Raffi to malls, public schools, day cares and hospitals.

Why Raffi and Not Another Dog?  Raffi is a very calm and loving dog. He has alot of dognity. When you pet him, he doesn't drink your affection to the dregs. He gets up after five minutes and moves away. He never picks fights. Not overly sociable with other dogs. An individualist. He is extremely patient. Keep him waiting for hours; he's just grateful to be going out. None of  "What took you so long?"