May 10, 2008
Dear Dr Makow,
My name is Krzysztof (Chris) and I live in south-western part of Poland. Currently I prepare for a Ph.D. in history while performing my duties as an assistant at the university. I would like to share some views about the reality of changing Polish society and especially the impact of that change for the male-female relationships.
I have been following Your online publications on feminism for about a year and it really helped me to define issues which I managed to observe only in part before.
First let me state that in the West the general view of Polish society
and women as traditional and conservative is based on outdated and
somehow misperceived data. The fact is (as I can see it almost every
day) that Polish women increasingly adopt the models of behavior
imported from Western societies. The pattern of male role for young
females usually comes from mass media and movies such as highly popular
American "Friends" mini-series and its many Polish copies.
Students of both sexes also watch our own movie productions which at first glance
seem to endorse traditional values but usually vindicate dysfunctional
family relations, divorces, single career model and inability for
healthy engagement between man and woman. The form of the message
remains familiar (in order to attract more conservative viewers) but the
content is undoubtedly poisonous.
Some people might argue that the alternative reality of television or
internet is not affecting anyone at all. Unfortunately the impact is
quite destructive.
I am now 25 years old and have been in several relationships with young
women. Although every one of them was different in character, they also
had some common feature - almost from the start they expected a
competition from my part. In one case a girl started to treat me as a
kind of purely physical satisfaction to her sexual eagerness. I just
could not imagine something like this adopted by woman! That limited
kind of relation could not last for long and finally broke down.
Now I am single but basing on my experience I am looking for serious
relationship with a woman who will be ready to participate in my life.
Honestly, I am not without guilt when valuing wrong directions and my
priorities in estimating female qualities changed too. Actually, the male
attitude toward women has also been greatly distorted and I could name
many examples of such behavior among my friends. It seems obvious and
natural for them to treat women as sexual toys made only for temporary
exploitation. Their focus remains mainly physical - the greater breast,
the more attractive girl. On the other hand almost none of them manages
to stay in a relationship for more than few months.
As I see men are increasingly disoriented as well as women. When it comes to the
relationship crisis among women I can recall one case of my female
friend with whom I failed to form a permanent understanding. Her
boyfriend left her and she asked for my advice on why that happened and
what to do next. When I tried to influence her by carefully explaining
that her readiness for sexual contacts comes too early and forms the
source of her loneliness, she was surprised. According to her opinion it
was necessary for a girl to be physically attractive first and seduce a
man so that he could not leave her. "Did it work?" - I asked. "No" was
her reply, nevertheless she felt insulted for some time by our
conversation.
In general the trends among young women and students at all are turning
to complicate relations of young generation. It manifests in their daily
activities - spending more time in front of PCs, watching irrational
entertainment shows, concentrating on their temporary feelings with
movies, games, porn, music in earphones. Much of the time of young
people's day is spent on completely unproductive and usually
brainwashing activities perceived by them as "freedom". Their own
"space" prevents them from conducting proper human relations and exchange
of ideas. In many cases they are unable to find words expressing their
opinions or form correct sentence.
To be optimistic, there are still people who try to define their purpose
in healthy way and I hope they are prepared to bring positive change to
our societies.
I believe Your website is adding to the benefit of those who want to
maintain their human identity.
Thank You,
Sincerely,
Chris
-----------------
Polish Women (an idealistic from a Marriage website)
Polish women are unlike Western women due to the historical, cultural, and political situation of Poland. The woman in Poland has always been put on the pedestal. She has been cherished as a homemaker, a mother to her children and a great wife. She has always been a pillar of a family, many times working outside of the home and taking care of her husband and her children on top of that. Since Polish society gives a high priority of raising children, the women are given the responsibility of raising children and caring for their family. They are the ones that get up early in the morning, prepare breakfast and get the kids ready to school. Many Polish women are stay-at-home mothers. They have enough time and energy to take care of the children, play with them, and make sure that they have everything they need. There are some Polish women, however, who work professionally outside of home. In such situations, small children are either in a day care during they day or spend the day at one of the relatives. Since extended family is very important in Poland, the more popular arrangement is that either a grandma or aunt will care for the children while the mother is at work.
Polish women take care of their husbands just as much as they take care of their children.
As a matter of fact, the women work double jobs while their husbands usually work at only one job. The majority of women work professionally outside of their homes. The jobs they hold are usually in the areas of health care and education. Demanding as those jobs may be, the Polish women are expected to give the 100% of their efforts to caring for their husband and the household. Right after they come back home from work they begin their homely duties such as cleaning, cooking, washing dishes and doing laundry. The women work hard so that when their husbands come home they can enjoy the atmosphere of a clean home. Polish women take pride in being able to offer freshly cooked meal to their husbands and allow them to relax in the atmosphere of their home.
Apart from extensive knowledge on how to take care of their families' appetites and leisure time, women born in Poland know a lot about being economical and diligent. They won't waste anything that can still be of use unless the family decides otherwise. Moreover, some of them can even fix broken things, like scratches on walls, broken windows or... leaking faucets, but they do appreciate if a man can do it for them. Polish females marry on average at age 23 and men at age 26. Once they get married, they hardly ever divorce. Divorce is not as prevalent in Poland as it is in many of the other former communist countries such as Russia. This difference is associated with Poland being a traditionally Catholic country, where over 90% are Catholic. Catholicism forbids married couples to divorce. Even if they do divorce, Polish females are unwilling to remarry. Typically, in a divorce women receive custody of the children. In 1991, women were granted sole custody of the children in over 70% of the divorce cases involving children under age 18. As wives, Polish women are very faithful and devoted. Once their trust is broken, however, they are not likely to trust somebody else. Due to their upbringing, they are taught to be faithful to one man and one man only.
Polish women have always had equal access to education and today they have higher levels of educational attainment than young Polish men. Poland, like the rest of the Soviet alliance in Eastern Europe, offered women more opportunities for higher education and employment, than did most West European countries. Many professions, such as architecture, engineering, and university teaching, employed a considerably higher percentage of women in Poland than in the West, and over 60 percent of medical students in 1980 were women. In many households in the 1980s, women earned more than their husbands. Yet the socialist system that yielded those statistics also uniformly excluded women from the highest positions of economic and political power. The end of communist government brought a new debate about women's role in Polish society. A significant part of society saw the political transformation as an appropriate time for women to return full-time to the home after communism had forced them into the workplace and weakened the Polish family.
My name is Krzysztof (Chris) and I live in south-western part of Poland. Currently I prepare for a Ph.D. in history while performing my duties as an assistant at the university. I would like to share some views about the reality of changing Polish society and especially the impact of that change for the male-female relationships.
I have been following Your online publications on feminism for about a year and it really helped me to define issues which I managed to observe only in part before.
First let me state that in the West the general view of Polish society
and women as traditional and conservative is based on outdated and
somehow misperceived data. The fact is (as I can see it almost every
day) that Polish women increasingly adopt the models of behavior
imported from Western societies. The pattern of male role for young
females usually comes from mass media and movies such as highly popular
American "Friends" mini-series and its many Polish copies.
Students of both sexes also watch our own movie productions which at first glance
seem to endorse traditional values but usually vindicate dysfunctional
family relations, divorces, single career model and inability for
healthy engagement between man and woman. The form of the message
remains familiar (in order to attract more conservative viewers) but the
content is undoubtedly poisonous.
Some people might argue that the alternative reality of television or
internet is not affecting anyone at all. Unfortunately the impact is
quite destructive.
I am now 25 years old and have been in several relationships with young
women. Although every one of them was different in character, they also
had some common feature - almost from the start they expected a
competition from my part. In one case a girl started to treat me as a
kind of purely physical satisfaction to her sexual eagerness. I just
could not imagine something like this adopted by woman! That limited
kind of relation could not last for long and finally broke down.
Now I am single but basing on my experience I am looking for serious
relationship with a woman who will be ready to participate in my life.
Honestly, I am not without guilt when valuing wrong directions and my
priorities in estimating female qualities changed too. Actually, the male
attitude toward women has also been greatly distorted and I could name
many examples of such behavior among my friends. It seems obvious and
natural for them to treat women as sexual toys made only for temporary
exploitation. Their focus remains mainly physical - the greater breast,
the more attractive girl. On the other hand almost none of them manages
to stay in a relationship for more than few months.
As I see men are increasingly disoriented as well as women. When it comes to the
relationship crisis among women I can recall one case of my female
friend with whom I failed to form a permanent understanding. Her
boyfriend left her and she asked for my advice on why that happened and
what to do next. When I tried to influence her by carefully explaining
that her readiness for sexual contacts comes too early and forms the
source of her loneliness, she was surprised. According to her opinion it
was necessary for a girl to be physically attractive first and seduce a
man so that he could not leave her. "Did it work?" - I asked. "No" was
her reply, nevertheless she felt insulted for some time by our
conversation.
In general the trends among young women and students at all are turning
to complicate relations of young generation. It manifests in their daily
activities - spending more time in front of PCs, watching irrational
entertainment shows, concentrating on their temporary feelings with
movies, games, porn, music in earphones. Much of the time of young
people's day is spent on completely unproductive and usually
brainwashing activities perceived by them as "freedom". Their own
"space" prevents them from conducting proper human relations and exchange
of ideas. In many cases they are unable to find words expressing their
opinions or form correct sentence.
To be optimistic, there are still people who try to define their purpose
in healthy way and I hope they are prepared to bring positive change to
our societies.
I believe Your website is adding to the benefit of those who want to
maintain their human identity.
Thank You,
Sincerely,
Chris
-----------------
Polish Women (an idealistic from a Marriage website)
Polish women are unlike Western women due to the historical, cultural, and political situation of Poland. The woman in Poland has always been put on the pedestal. She has been cherished as a homemaker, a mother to her children and a great wife. She has always been a pillar of a family, many times working outside of the home and taking care of her husband and her children on top of that. Since Polish society gives a high priority of raising children, the women are given the responsibility of raising children and caring for their family. They are the ones that get up early in the morning, prepare breakfast and get the kids ready to school. Many Polish women are stay-at-home mothers. They have enough time and energy to take care of the children, play with them, and make sure that they have everything they need. There are some Polish women, however, who work professionally outside of home. In such situations, small children are either in a day care during they day or spend the day at one of the relatives. Since extended family is very important in Poland, the more popular arrangement is that either a grandma or aunt will care for the children while the mother is at work.
Polish women take care of their husbands just as much as they take care of their children.
As a matter of fact, the women work double jobs while their husbands usually work at only one job. The majority of women work professionally outside of their homes. The jobs they hold are usually in the areas of health care and education. Demanding as those jobs may be, the Polish women are expected to give the 100% of their efforts to caring for their husband and the household. Right after they come back home from work they begin their homely duties such as cleaning, cooking, washing dishes and doing laundry. The women work hard so that when their husbands come home they can enjoy the atmosphere of a clean home. Polish women take pride in being able to offer freshly cooked meal to their husbands and allow them to relax in the atmosphere of their home.
Apart from extensive knowledge on how to take care of their families' appetites and leisure time, women born in Poland know a lot about being economical and diligent. They won't waste anything that can still be of use unless the family decides otherwise. Moreover, some of them can even fix broken things, like scratches on walls, broken windows or... leaking faucets, but they do appreciate if a man can do it for them. Polish females marry on average at age 23 and men at age 26. Once they get married, they hardly ever divorce. Divorce is not as prevalent in Poland as it is in many of the other former communist countries such as Russia. This difference is associated with Poland being a traditionally Catholic country, where over 90% are Catholic. Catholicism forbids married couples to divorce. Even if they do divorce, Polish females are unwilling to remarry. Typically, in a divorce women receive custody of the children. In 1991, women were granted sole custody of the children in over 70% of the divorce cases involving children under age 18. As wives, Polish women are very faithful and devoted. Once their trust is broken, however, they are not likely to trust somebody else. Due to their upbringing, they are taught to be faithful to one man and one man only.
Polish women have always had equal access to education and today they have higher levels of educational attainment than young Polish men. Poland, like the rest of the Soviet alliance in Eastern Europe, offered women more opportunities for higher education and employment, than did most West European countries. Many professions, such as architecture, engineering, and university teaching, employed a considerably higher percentage of women in Poland than in the West, and over 60 percent of medical students in 1980 were women. In many households in the 1980s, women earned more than their husbands. Yet the socialist system that yielded those statistics also uniformly excluded women from the highest positions of economic and political power. The end of communist government brought a new debate about women's role in Polish society. A significant part of society saw the political transformation as an appropriate time for women to return full-time to the home after communism had forced them into the workplace and weakened the Polish family.