August 3, 2008
(left, Young Latino, not Juan)
This is my account of how I overcame my addiction to sex, porn and masturbation. When I started to writing this paper I realized I was going to have to analyze how I used to behave and how unsure of myself I was around the opposite sex.
In my short life I have been told many things to keep me subservient, scared, confused, dependent and fearful. Religion never took root in me because I wasn't a regular at church. I had relatives and family that we're living their lives repenting from damnation---so I grew up on my own.
I would discover in my journey we've been trained suffer over something that is supposed to bring pleasure and happiness.
I was a child of six years of age when the sex culture first indoctrinated me. How it came to be was just as fast as puberty.
In Elementary I was already thinking about sex even before sex-ed classes. The phenomenon of this was due to the fact that when I reached puberty I had already seen a porno and sex depicted in several Hollywood movies. My mind could not put any of this into perspective, even after I reached puberty. To me, love was the same as sex.
My attitude toward sex was the same as the Cro-Magnon who discovered fire. I searched for more about sex in T.V., movies, books. But I didn't have to look far because it all came to me on the internet. The next frontier was porn.
Just entering Middle School I had already had an addiction to porn and was obsessed about it. My creative young mind was daydreaming about sex about 80% of the time. In school I associated with the other 12 and 13 year-olds who were already drinking, smoking and having sex.
It was the late 90's and a barrage of sex teen movies was the rave, on T.V. it would be some estrogen-powered teeny bopper girls with magic powers fighting vampires in tank-tops. But for the big screen it was movies like American Pie that set the standard of teen sex. I was still in Middle School during this influx of badly written hormonal teen soap-operas.
While in seventh-grade I got into some legal matters over sexual harassment case. I had brought porn to school to show my friends, but even less intelligent was when my friend had showed it to the other students. I got called into the office with a parent about the situation, no charges were placed and I was suspended for a small time. Later on I moved residence and changed schools.
At 14 years-old I was new to a school which introduced me into stuff that slowed my development. I smoked pot for my 15th birthday with a girl and some of her friends no more than 5 months after I got to that Middle School. I started being controlled and influenced by other students who were more confident than me and sure of themselves. We vandalized property, spray painted State buildings, nearly burned down a Middle School and broke into the Middle School shed for tools to vandalize more houses. We never got caught miraculously. I developed the 'side-line' syndrome, where I never thought for myself and always waited for someone else to tell me how to have fun.
As I entered High School, I still had my addiction, over the years it had only gotten worse and I was masturbating too frequently. My first week of High School 9/11 happened. This changed the dynamic of the people around me because they were a little crazier. Hormone-rich milk, self-loathing, 'school pride' and acne, those were not very enlightening adolescent years.
I left that High School demoralized, lacking confidence, physically exhausted and emotionally undeveloped, I switched High Schools because I was failing ¾ of my classes barely passing Spanish--and I was born in Mexico!
Leaving some habits behind as I switched High Schools, I suddenly got a new perspective on what I was doing wrong with my life. I had the opportunity to see myself from the 3rd person and discovered that my addictions and habits were holding me back, pornography became pale and lifeless and I was discovering my soul and how it was attached to my body. It was the following months after I stopped smoking weed that I found my most enlightening views of life, but I was still confused about sex and relationship.
At 17 years-old I fell back into watching pornography and was still experimenting. At this age I started drinking and became a Dr. Hyde/Mr. Jekyll type of drinker. That certainly lost my sense of spirituality and self-confidence.
Over the next few years I struggled to put all of this into perspective, now at 19 years-old I was obsessing over a girlfriend and a relationship. I had a few flings with some females who experimented certain things with me but I wasn't satisfied. I was looking for a sex partner, to put it bluntly. I confused love with sex. I compensated love and trust for sex and lust.
I was unfocused, still in High School (I would remain in High School until I graduated at age twenty-one), and I was needy for a relationship and was still wanting for that moment when I could have sex.
At some point during the beginning of 2007 I was tired of being so dependent on a female-lover so I tried to expand my interests and horizons. I gave up hardcore porn and distanced myself from things that would remind me of sex. I was looking for enlightenment. At this point I was much more aware and enlightened about my world, politics, culture, media and religion. But I still hadn't discovered the truth about trust, love and relationship yet.
In the summer of 2007, my brother and I took a trip to New York strictly for music and influence of the big city culture. As soon as he got back from Army basic training we scheduled a plane for a five-day trip to New York. My focus and enlightenment was music at this time so I focused on that and successfully overcame the need for my habits for those five-days.
During an evening walk from Harlem to Manhattan, my brother and I were talking about everything we had experienced during that year and he even told me some stories of the military. When got to the hotel he was looking in the phone book for 'call girls'. He said bluntly, we're gonna get you laid, when I asked him what he was looking for.
So later that night, in the peaking sun of dawn we brought a girl to the hotel room we where at. I had sex with a prostitute for my first time in New York. This trip made me finally got to realize that sex should only happen between two people who love each other. I got a crash course in that with the girl in the hotel. My experience wasn't horrible or disastrous but it was impersonal and empty.
I was enlightened however, afterwards when I talked to the girl after we showered and ignored what just happened. I learned much about the reality of her world and I learned about myself. Bruce Lee once said, "You can learn a lot about yourself, if your are surround by people". I understood what that meant now.
The most significant awakening in my life happened when I discovered the book Cruel Hoax. I was intrigued by the politics, knowledge and simplicity of the reading, but even more so about overall theme of the book, love and relationships. The collection of articles by Henry Makow, PhD really put into perspective what I had missed all my life. And that was that I was trying to find love and relationships in sex and lust. I read more than half the book before I loaned it to my brother before he went to Iraq.
We both have found significant information that has changed our lives. I got into a relationship late 2007 when I first bought the book, unfortunately that relationship didn't work out but I learned a great deal. And my brother is now married.
I am in my prime, the time I am supposed to be getting married, have children and provide for my family. I lost a few years because of my addictions in the past and I'm backtracking where I left-off. I am a twenty-one year-old young Latino male, am I survived the set-up. I'm still young and have much work to do, my addiction to porn and masturbation has been greatly reduced. It will be obsolete to me in a few more years, but for the most importantly I am now aware of my role as a male.
It will be a challenge no doubt but I must keep a cool, collected and calm. These are the building and learning years and with as much knowledge as I have absorbed in my short live I know I could make a significant difference and impact in people's lives when I tell my story and how I survived the set-up. I'm not looking to save the world, but I could lead by example for my generation what it means to be successful.
This is my account of how I overcame my addiction to sex, porn and masturbation. When I started to writing this paper I realized I was going to have to analyze how I used to behave and how unsure of myself I was around the opposite sex.
In my short life I have been told many things to keep me subservient, scared, confused, dependent and fearful. Religion never took root in me because I wasn't a regular at church. I had relatives and family that we're living their lives repenting from damnation---so I grew up on my own.
I would discover in my journey we've been trained suffer over something that is supposed to bring pleasure and happiness.
I was a child of six years of age when the sex culture first indoctrinated me. How it came to be was just as fast as puberty.
In Elementary I was already thinking about sex even before sex-ed classes. The phenomenon of this was due to the fact that when I reached puberty I had already seen a porno and sex depicted in several Hollywood movies. My mind could not put any of this into perspective, even after I reached puberty. To me, love was the same as sex.
My attitude toward sex was the same as the Cro-Magnon who discovered fire. I searched for more about sex in T.V., movies, books. But I didn't have to look far because it all came to me on the internet. The next frontier was porn.
Just entering Middle School I had already had an addiction to porn and was obsessed about it. My creative young mind was daydreaming about sex about 80% of the time. In school I associated with the other 12 and 13 year-olds who were already drinking, smoking and having sex.
It was the late 90's and a barrage of sex teen movies was the rave, on T.V. it would be some estrogen-powered teeny bopper girls with magic powers fighting vampires in tank-tops. But for the big screen it was movies like American Pie that set the standard of teen sex. I was still in Middle School during this influx of badly written hormonal teen soap-operas.
While in seventh-grade I got into some legal matters over sexual harassment case. I had brought porn to school to show my friends, but even less intelligent was when my friend had showed it to the other students. I got called into the office with a parent about the situation, no charges were placed and I was suspended for a small time. Later on I moved residence and changed schools.
At 14 years-old I was new to a school which introduced me into stuff that slowed my development. I smoked pot for my 15th birthday with a girl and some of her friends no more than 5 months after I got to that Middle School. I started being controlled and influenced by other students who were more confident than me and sure of themselves. We vandalized property, spray painted State buildings, nearly burned down a Middle School and broke into the Middle School shed for tools to vandalize more houses. We never got caught miraculously. I developed the 'side-line' syndrome, where I never thought for myself and always waited for someone else to tell me how to have fun.
As I entered High School, I still had my addiction, over the years it had only gotten worse and I was masturbating too frequently. My first week of High School 9/11 happened. This changed the dynamic of the people around me because they were a little crazier. Hormone-rich milk, self-loathing, 'school pride' and acne, those were not very enlightening adolescent years.
I left that High School demoralized, lacking confidence, physically exhausted and emotionally undeveloped, I switched High Schools because I was failing ¾ of my classes barely passing Spanish--and I was born in Mexico!
Leaving some habits behind as I switched High Schools, I suddenly got a new perspective on what I was doing wrong with my life. I had the opportunity to see myself from the 3rd person and discovered that my addictions and habits were holding me back, pornography became pale and lifeless and I was discovering my soul and how it was attached to my body. It was the following months after I stopped smoking weed that I found my most enlightening views of life, but I was still confused about sex and relationship.
At 17 years-old I fell back into watching pornography and was still experimenting. At this age I started drinking and became a Dr. Hyde/Mr. Jekyll type of drinker. That certainly lost my sense of spirituality and self-confidence.
Over the next few years I struggled to put all of this into perspective, now at 19 years-old I was obsessing over a girlfriend and a relationship. I had a few flings with some females who experimented certain things with me but I wasn't satisfied. I was looking for a sex partner, to put it bluntly. I confused love with sex. I compensated love and trust for sex and lust.
I was unfocused, still in High School (I would remain in High School until I graduated at age twenty-one), and I was needy for a relationship and was still wanting for that moment when I could have sex.
At some point during the beginning of 2007 I was tired of being so dependent on a female-lover so I tried to expand my interests and horizons. I gave up hardcore porn and distanced myself from things that would remind me of sex. I was looking for enlightenment. At this point I was much more aware and enlightened about my world, politics, culture, media and religion. But I still hadn't discovered the truth about trust, love and relationship yet.
In the summer of 2007, my brother and I took a trip to New York strictly for music and influence of the big city culture. As soon as he got back from Army basic training we scheduled a plane for a five-day trip to New York. My focus and enlightenment was music at this time so I focused on that and successfully overcame the need for my habits for those five-days.
During an evening walk from Harlem to Manhattan, my brother and I were talking about everything we had experienced during that year and he even told me some stories of the military. When got to the hotel he was looking in the phone book for 'call girls'. He said bluntly, we're gonna get you laid, when I asked him what he was looking for.
So later that night, in the peaking sun of dawn we brought a girl to the hotel room we where at. I had sex with a prostitute for my first time in New York. This trip made me finally got to realize that sex should only happen between two people who love each other. I got a crash course in that with the girl in the hotel. My experience wasn't horrible or disastrous but it was impersonal and empty.
I was enlightened however, afterwards when I talked to the girl after we showered and ignored what just happened. I learned much about the reality of her world and I learned about myself. Bruce Lee once said, "You can learn a lot about yourself, if your are surround by people". I understood what that meant now.
The most significant awakening in my life happened when I discovered the book Cruel Hoax. I was intrigued by the politics, knowledge and simplicity of the reading, but even more so about overall theme of the book, love and relationships. The collection of articles by Henry Makow, PhD really put into perspective what I had missed all my life. And that was that I was trying to find love and relationships in sex and lust. I read more than half the book before I loaned it to my brother before he went to Iraq.
We both have found significant information that has changed our lives. I got into a relationship late 2007 when I first bought the book, unfortunately that relationship didn't work out but I learned a great deal. And my brother is now married.
I am in my prime, the time I am supposed to be getting married, have children and provide for my family. I lost a few years because of my addictions in the past and I'm backtracking where I left-off. I am a twenty-one year-old young Latino male, am I survived the set-up. I'm still young and have much work to do, my addiction to porn and masturbation has been greatly reduced. It will be obsolete to me in a few more years, but for the most importantly I am now aware of my role as a male.
It will be a challenge no doubt but I must keep a cool, collected and calm. These are the building and learning years and with as much knowledge as I have absorbed in my short live I know I could make a significant difference and impact in people's lives when I tell my story and how I survived the set-up. I'm not looking to save the world, but I could lead by example for my generation what it means to be successful.