January 29, 2013

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Some Badly Needed Humor 


A Love Story (Thanks DM)

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
 
At 1: 00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the
woman saying,...........'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you,
but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get
me a second blanket?   I'm awfully cold'
 
'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight, let's
pretend that we're married.'
 
'Wow!.................That's a great idea', he exclaimed..
 
'Good,' she replied, 'Get your own f**kin' blanket.'
 
After a moment of silence .........................he farted

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Temptation (Thanks Richard) Joke told at Catholic Retreat

Kentucky Fried Chicken experienced a drop in sales that nearly put them out of business in 1960. Col. Sanders called Pope John XXIII and offered to donate $25 million to the church if he'd change the Lord's Prayer to say "give us this day our daily chicken" instead of "daily bread".

The Pope said, "The Our Father prayer was given to the disciples by Christ himself.  I do not have the authority to change it".

The Colonel said, "Your Holiness, you don't understand.  I'll go out of business if you won't help me.  How about if I donate $100 million?"  

The Pope paused a moment and said, "I'll get back with you".

He called all the cardinals and bishops to Rome.  After long processions and ceremonies, the Pope addressed them in Latin: "My brothers, I called you here to announce a matter of great change.  Part of it is good news, and part bad news.  

"First the good news:  KFC has donated $100 million dollars to the Church.  The bad news is, we lost the Wonderbread account".

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The Husband Store (Thanks Andrew) 

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There  are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular
floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
 She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
 Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
 Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
 Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
 Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

 PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors  have never been visited.






Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at