Widowed at 45: "Waiting for a Man to be a Man"
May 28, 2012
left, Dawn & her late husband Ken
"45 is a young age to be a widow, but a widow I will remain. Yes, it is lonely, but the loneliness is better than waiting for a man to be a man."
by Dawn McCall
On April 2, 2012, I became a 45-year-old widow when my 52-year-old husband had a massive heart attack.
Kenneth and I had a very traditional marriage, what we both felt marriage was meant to be... he was the man and I remained the woman.
During our 22 years together, I rarely worked outside our home. There were occasions that I did work when we needed to supplement our income. I have worked in real estate, management and as a convenience store clerk.
For the most part I have always worked from home writing self-published history and genealogy books. This allowed me to be a wife... to cook, clean, do laundry and to support my husband when and where needed.
Our son, who is now an adult, was left in the care of others only twice... We were proud to be parents. We enjoyed going to our son's school events and sporting events.
THE WAY WE RAISED OUR SON
We were often criticized for the way we raised our son. We did not force our beliefs on him, but allowed him to form and develop his own opinions. When others refused to allow their children to go through the normal phases of growth, we went along with the process.
Our son went through the baggy pants phase, the rap music phase, the sneaking "dirty magazines" phase, and all the others that teenagers go through. We recognized it for what it was... a phase.
In disagreeing with our decisions he was always asked to give us a clear and concise reason for his position.
As a result, today we have a very bright and informed young man who can justify his opinions and tries to understand other people's opinions.
Kenneth taught our son to work and to be responsible with money. He has collected lost pencils on the school bus and sold them to students who needed them (smile.)
We also taught him about marriage. Kenneth was 31 to my 23 when we married; having first lived together for nine months. We taught our son to wait until he was at least 30 years old before considering marriage. We wanted him to do and have the things that he wanted before entering a relationship where you must always put the other person's needs first.
I wonder about the men of today's society. For instance, I know a man currently in his 60's who is dominated by his wife. He allowed himself to be led by both his wife and in-laws. He isn't happy, but has never been willing to do anything about it. Well, I take that back... he did once express his displeasure and was informed by his wife that should he desire to leave he would never see his children or grandchildren again. How that is fair, I do not know.
On the same issue, I also know a man in his late 30's, married with two children. Although this man runs his own business, he must be at his wife's beck and call. Numerous times he has been on a job site and had to leave for no other reason that his wife forgot something at home and he needed to bring it to her. Again, how fair is that?
Women have broken men down. They are afraid to be men. They are afraid to say no to women. Women have been taught to use sex and children to control men. Where exactly does that leave someone like me?
PROUD TO BE A WIFE
For 22 years, I took great pride in being a wife. My days centered on my husband. I enjoyed keeping and maintaining my home. I enjoyed cooking a good meal AND hearing about my husband's day.
When I would publish a book, I took pride in his approval I respected him for listening to my opinions and taking them into account. I respected him even more for making the final decision. I respected him when he told me that something I wanted would have to wait. I respected him for being the true head of our home.
For all purposes, 45 is a young age to be a widow, but a widow I will remain. Yes, it is lonely, but the loneliness is better than waiting for a man to be a man."
Women are not meant to rule the world. I hope to see a day where men will stand up and regain their true place in a relationship and society.
Kenneth and I did not have a lot materially, but we did have a MARRIAGE. Women talk of wanting a man to put them on a pedestal, but then get angry when they are offered the help to get on top of it. No wonder men are confused. I was on that pedestal every day and gladly accepted the hand that put me there and in return, my husband was my king.
Women today are "ball busters". They belittle their men and then cry when their men leave or cheat on them. They cheat because other women out there are like me. There are a few of us left who respect and appreciate men for more than their paycheck. Some of us still enjoy pouring our men a cup of coffee in the morning and don't view it as a chore.
Basically, if you want to keep your man, treat him like a man.
And men, it's time to stop being trampled on. Take some advice from Nike and "Just Do It"... just say NO.
There are women out there who will appreciate you and the love you have to give. We do still exist despite the attempt at our extinction.
So, I guess as I learn to embrace being a widow, I will still have that lingering question: What now?
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Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at