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Why Women Want Alpha Males

February 11, 2014


Beverly wrote: "Yeah, this is exactly how they make women feel. I've never read an article that described it so accurately!

What do women find masculine?

"Faint heart never won fair lady. Fearlessness--or daring or courage even in the face of fear. He who dares, wins. Calm assurance. The absence of any hint of asking for a favour or appealing to pity. Directness. Activeness. Effectiveness. Not hiding behind a flirty exterior, never daring to risk being direct."

by "The Boss"
"The Alpha Male & Masculine Power"

Being a calm, rational, imperturbable sort of person, it is not often that the mere presence of another person has the power to do any more than make me recoil from the olfactory shock caused by their halitosis or their overpowering aftershave.

But very occasionally (about once a decade) I have found myself intensely affected by the mere presence of a particular man--so intensely affected that it has taken every ounce of self-control to appear unmoved.

enchanted.jpgThe effect is extreme, both physically and psychologically. Primal. Overwhelming. It feels as though the man has godlike power--the power of a man; masculine power. You feel totally held by this power. The desire to be taken by the man is so intense that it is frightening. It can be difficult to breathe, or difficult to remain standing, let alone maintain a conversation. Bone dry mouth, zero appetite, heart all over the place, the fear that you might faint, shaking like a leaf, body positively screaming to be taken, a reckless willingness and primal desire to do whatever that man wants.

The masculine power of the man--you feel that power with every fibre of your being. Melting in a white-hot inferno of desire, out of your senses, so far out of control psychologically that you can't even imagine being in control, totally in his power. You feel owned by the man, totally his, totally submissive.

If at the time, you're at an academic conference unrelated to your own field, and you are trying to have a highly technical discussion about an arcane piece of research, say, being thus affected by a complete stranger can be a little disturbing. Just as well it only happens once a decade. And just as well I have iron self-control.

enchanted1.gifI've been thinking about this a lot lately. What exactly is it that causes this extreme response? Do other women experience this too? (Yes!) Is it something that can develop in a particular man, or is it something that is either there or not there? What do these men have that others don't? Are they the legendary human alpha males?

 Why do some men have it and not others? Is there actually something objectively different about them, and if so, what? Or is it a subjective thing, such that a man whose presence would cause this response in me would leave another woman cold, and vise versa?

I once asked a man if he was aware of having masculine power (he was a very long way away at the time!) and from his answer, it seems that other women had felt it too, but he seemed to have no idea why, and assumed that all men naturally have this indefinable, mysterious quality that might be termed "masculine power". But they don't. Or perhaps I am just blind to its existence in the vast majority of men.

Am I confusing psychological power with masculinity? I myself have psychological power and strength, so I do not think of power as being a masculine quality. And yet, this thing I am talking about feels to me overwhelmingly masculine, of a man, alpha male. What is it?

Possibly the following might be part of it, but I feel very dissatisfied with my analysis of it so far, so I am hoping for some discussion on this subject, some criticism, and some enlightenment.

The power to command, the quiet confidence to know for sure that he will prevail, and the daring to go for it and take what he wants. A commanding presence even if he doesn't know it. Faint heart never won fair lady. Fearlessness--or daring or courage even in the face of fear. He who dares, wins. Calm assurance. The absence of any hint of asking for a favour or appealing to pity. Directness. Activeness. Effectiveness. Not hiding behind a flirty exterior never daring to risk being direct.


It seems easier to say what it isn't than what it is. It is not directly related to appearance, or not obviously so to me, anyway. And whilst quiet confidence might be part of it, there are plenty of men who are positively brimming with confidence who do not move me at all. I alluded to the alpha male idea because it seems as though dominance is a part of it, but it seems to me to be the sort of unaffected, unselfconscious dominance one might call "natural dominance" rather than the theatrical, affected, dominance I see in many a BDSM "Dom". It does not seem as though the man needs to be aware of the effect he has, and indeed, men who appear to think that they are God's gift to women tend to confirm me in my atheism. ;-)

sensitive1.jpgOn the other hand, men who have a victim mentality, or who appeal to pity, or who plead or beg for favours, or who grovel, or who are delicate, sensitive, mystical souls like Ayn Rand's "eminent young poet [who] was pale and slender... had a soft, sensitive mouth, and eyes hurt by the whole universe", or who seem helpless, or who are endlessly sorry for themselves, or who have a bad temper that they can't control, or who otherwise appear weak, don't have it.

I assume that it is a quality that can develop, rather than being something fixed or something you are born with. Life's experiences and the will to make changes in yourself and your life surely can effect significant changes. I know that I myself have actively developed my own confidence and strength over the years, forcing myself to "feel the fear and [dare to] do [the scary things I passionately wanted to do] anyway".

 And that this has significantly affected the way others see me--though as someone once pointed out to me, that in itself implies a strength of will that not everyone has.

I'd love to discuss this. Perhaps you have some fascinating insights to share--in which case, please do!


Thanks for sending this Beverly!

Jad Jones - The Ten Biggest Mistakes Men Make With Women
Makow - Men Who Get Women
Bobbi Wingham - Nine Traits of Masculine Men

First Comment from Rich:

The elusive trait that this woman, and women in general seem unable to describe is a combination of quiet confidence combined with aloofness. If you happen to have looks, then that also adds to it, but it's not necessary.

I used to hang out with a large group of people for many years while in my early to mid 20's. I was also doing a lot of meditation and chi-gung training, along with specific martial arts training that greatly boosted my yang energy. There were about a dozen girls in our group and virtually every one of them I found out over time had the hots for me, wanted to date me or wanted me to do them. I was seeing one of them at the time and she would be so hot for me, there were several times she literally started to undress me in public before realizing what she was even doing.

At the time, I was not 100% sure why these girls were all over me, not until I further read up on female psychology and relationship books and put it together. Due to my training, my mind was calm, distant and satisfied. I was also overflowing with the traits these women describe, but at the same time I was not pursuing any of the women. I simply acted as though I could care less if they were there at all.

Meanwhile another guy kept trying to impress the girls that he was a licensed state inspector, kept asking them out and the like and he was rejected by everyone. I should also add that I used to dress in casual dress pants and a button down shirt while all the other guys were in jeans and the like. Not sure how much impact that had but we know women love a more well dressed man. But even then, I know now that it was the combination of confidence without arrogance, LACK of neediness, being somewhat aloof and simply not pursing any of the girls that kept them all coming to me.

I had a lot of fun with several of them, even while others kept either asking me out, or telling others that they wanted to date me. I noticed that once my training changed, that this effect also changed as I tended to act like the previous guy of pursuing women, trying to talk to them.. which most women then interpret as being needy or desperate.

Remember, there is almost nothing that turns a woman off than the scent of a desperate or needy man. But a man that acts like he doesn't care about at all about a woman, doesn't give her attention and acts like he doesn't need any of them.. THIS is what drives almost every woman to you. But so few men have this level of testosterone or silent confidence and aloofness which is one he only comes along once in a decade.

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Why Women Want Alpha Males "

Mary H said (February 13, 2014):

As a woman and mother of several daughters I have this to comment.

I am hearing about marriages dissolving daily and in almost every case the male has lost his job. This is a pathetic consequence of the economic shifts.

Men are designed physically to earn a living with the sweat of their brow.

Thanks to machinations of social engineering and globalization by the likes of masonic billionaires like the Koch brothers the balance of a sound economy that supports family life has been radically shifted.
Men today have been effectively emasculated and it has been by design.
Take away man's ability to provide for a wife and family and you take away his dignity and confidence.
The shift in manufacturing by corporations seeking the cheapest labor for the highest profits has had devastating results on western nations.

Not everyone is cut out to produce "products" like Facebook or work in the social service sector. It stands to reason that the service industry will eventually suffer too when the bulk of the middle class population has no money to feed into it .

"And this has consequences. One-fifth of men in their prime working ages “are out of the labor force,” Brooks notes. The situation isn’t likely to improve any time soon, as more children than ever are now born out of wedlock—likely due to the decreasing marriageability of these men. And children born in single-family homes are less likely to graduate from high school themselves."

Victoria said (February 12, 2014):

I'm sure there is some deep, psychological reason why women are attracted to such men but for me, it's simply about balance. Being 'possessed' by a powerful man is what allows a woman the greatest opportunity to express her feminine side. Two examples that I always like to point out are actress Katherine Hepburn and French feminist, Simone de Beauvoir both of whom were powerful, successful women in their own right, who might have justly borne the male term of opprobrium, 'ball-buster', yet who, in the hands of the men they loved, were subservient, docile and totally dedicated to the well-being of 'their' men (Spencer Tracy and Jean Paul Sartre). I believe that, some years ago, too, there was a case in south America of a strident woman politician of some power who was abducted by a guerrilla band and eventually ended up in a passionate relationship with the leader of said band much to the amazement of her former colleagues.

A man who is connected to God (whether or not he, himself, knows it) is connected to the Source and therefore, ultimate power. Whether or not we women like it, we are still at the mercy of the physical world and still, even after all these years of feminism, mostly not the physical equal of males, so it is in our best interests to align ourselves with a man who other men respect and who will defend us (and our children) to the death, if required. Although it is a fictional account, so rare is its kind in the 'real' world, it is necessary turn to Jane Austen's 'Pride and Prejudice' to see a balanced depiction of an ideal relationship between the sexes. Ask any woman (other than lesbians) what they think of Mr. Darcy as depicted by Colin Firth and you will see some serious swooning. However, his depiction of a modern suitor in 'Bridget Jones's Diary', was lacking the same intensity and power and was, as a result, not as satisfying as his previous role. Unfortunately, Mr. Darcy's unequivocal masculinity had been changed to what passes for masculinity in our post-feminist culture, namely 'laddishness' and irresponsibility (though, as a lawyer, some material wealth, to be sure).

Barry said (February 12, 2014):

My ex-wife used to be a psychiatric nurse working in a large mental hospital. She told me that some nurses were very keen to work in the high security wing where the psychopathic murderers were held.

Apparently this type of man has a powerful magnetic personality that women find hard to resist. Many psychologists have observed this phenomenon and how male aggression attracts women.

This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, but I believe something else is going on here. On a subconscious level, the female is tricked into believing her survival chances will increase if she hooks up with one of these dangerous characters. This faulty belief increases sexual arousal in women, especially if the higher brain functions do not take control over the primitive.

The alpha male also displays some of these characteristics, but is also capable of empathy and other desirable human traits. Women need to learn the difference if they really want to increase their survival chances and those of their offspring.

However, with the safety net of the welfare state, women no longer need to make careful choices. I think we should ask ourselves: in reality, how kind is social security and is it the solution or the problem?

Jim T said (February 12, 2014):

I was more than a little distracted by the sheer earthiness of the Alpha Male spoken of by the lady who wrote the piece. Reason? Well, all was filled with earthiness, and nothing of the tenor of the spiritual! Half through, and I have not ever been one to be fearful of approaching a lovely lady, and starting up a conversation, just for the love of being able to look into her beautiful face from but a few feet away, and love how that beauty expresses itself directly to me.

Yet, the Alpha Male herein, has only the ability to add possibly 50 good years to a woman's entire lifetime, whereas he who understands that which is less earthy, and filled with the beauty of that which is truthfully spiritual, can add eternity unto that 50 years of feminine life, unto the glory of the Father and the Son, and the honest complete satisfaction of the woman! There is absolutely nothing that can be realized by the earthiness of the presented male, that can compare with a guy who is a loving and caring male, within whom abides the wisdom of the ages, with that additional ability to awaken a sleeping beauty, to an eternity of bliss!

Chad said (February 12, 2014):

Articles like this help battle the onslaught and damage from weaponized feminism, homosexuality and porn.

Promote that which accentuates and embodies the essence of man, woman and the virtues of family and community.

Teach men how to be men and women women. Let us be reminded of the traditional societies that have maintained themselves throughout the ages.

Homosexuals in these communities have always existed and always will. They may have been seen as strange but that’s usually the extent of it.

There was no deep fear of them and from them of us. In other words, no need to waste time discussing it. It wasn’t until the social engineers decided to weaponize homosexuality had it become a problem.

We can do well to restore humanity back to the traditional family. Those who want the same sex can always have what they want. If they want to be married, who gives a rat’s ass! No one stopped Caligula from marrying a horse.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at