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I Married a Feminist. Now What?

December 6, 2014

Women were not the only ones brainwashed by feminism.
Men were actually conditioned to admire and desire these women.

But after 20 years of an "egalitarian" marriage, Kieran Dunn had enough.
His "roommate" relationship saps his masculine pride.

Should Kieran get a divorce or tough it out? We revisit his original post
November 19, 2011, and your comments. Afterward, we learn what he did. 

from November 19, 2011

by Kieran Dunn

I should have known I was in trouble 20 years ago when we went over the wedding vows and my wife-to-be told me "obey" will not be included.  As a college educated and "enlightened" male, I laughed and replied "I understand."

The title of Jerry Reed's song says it all, "She Got the Goldmine, I Got The Shaft." 

My bride to be and I were college educated; she had a background in linguistics and I in humanities and public school administration. We both had prior marriages. I had baggage and unresolved issues.

I had also been indoctrinated. I believed that males at times have repressed women, and I was out to change the course of male/female relationships, at least between us.

I worked hard to be the enlightened husband and nurtured her in understanding (female) subjective reality and how it colors all relationships. Feelings, whether they are based on reality or fantasy, are real to the individual. So we worked hard at understanding each other.

hyphen.jpgBut the relationship was doomed to fail from the start as far as "becoming one." She was a feminist, not the Gloria Steinem, bra-burning type, but a quasi-feminist.

She had caught my attention in a college class when the professor asked her what her feelings were on men. Her reply was they were "bastards."

I had not given her much thought to that point, but she had thrown down the gauntlet. She was attractive, smart, and gave no quarter to the weak. My kind of woman.

How did I know this? I had swallowed the programming by feminists and disingenuous liberals who controlled higher education.
Being the malleable student wanting to be fed from the fountain of knowledge, I embraced that we men had been too hard on women, Indians, Coloreds, Martians, and other assorted creators belonging to the animal world.

I was ready to leave the unwashed masses and join the thousand points of light that would change the cultural dynamics of male/female relationships.

The watershed was ten years ago when I should have acted.
We always talked about going into a ministry and working together. But when the offer came, they only wanted her. My approval was all they needed from me.

femkick.jpg(left, stepping out)

I could have iced her career and reinforced her assessment of men. She cared little that this move would end our plan to work together. There would be no "oneness" in our marriage  What was I to do?
I swallowed and said, "It's OK with me." At the time I felt this was right but ten years later I realize it was not. Her desire to launch out without me was her feminist brainwashing coming through.

Everything she has accomplished has been because of my contacts. I have reminded her of this more than once to illustrate all men aren't bastards (we are just dullards due to conditioning).

She was not mean spirited nor has she ever been. When we have had heated discussions over this, she accuses me of wanting her to be subservient, which is not true.

I counter with "not one time have you ever asked me, can we work together?" You have never asked me, "what would my role be?" Then I just get a blank stare and "Well, you are right." But that is where it ends and has stayed for 10 years.


I called my brother recently and the conversation got around to how different he has felt since his divorce from a quasi-feminist.

At that precise moment, his ton of bricks fell on me. I had to admit that for the last 10 years, I have endured psychic/emotional grief. But I have just turned 55 and I do not know what to do at my age.
My wife is a quasi-feminist and that is who I married. I realize I cannot change her and what she feels is her mission in life. On my side of the coin I cannot envision living into my twilight years feeling like I do. This is beyond a dilemma; it is a Gordian knot.

feministcurlup.jpgThe dilemma is this. She is content and happy with things going the way they are (except she wants more snuggle time in her bed). She knows I am unhappy but not the extent of my frustration.
I blame myself. I chose to marry a toned-down feminist believing that through mutual trust, understanding, and commitment we could make a life together.

Her feminism is stealth. If I would say a feminist is a women with an "incipient penis," she would probably reply "that may be true-but I have yours too." 

It can't work. I cannot surrender my masculinity. I am supposed to provide and lead my family but am not allowed to. I am not berated in public or at home. We respect each other.

But feminism is the reason for us to live on two different emotional, intellectual planes, and floors of our home-that is contrary to how I believe the Creator meant for us to live. And NO amount of re-education can change this genetic/spiritual predisposition.

From Kieran Dunn (Recently) : "I have accepted we are roommates with benefits."
The 2011 commenter who remarked "sell all and flee to Singapore" was my favorite. I wish I could have followed his advice.
I am on the glide slope to retirement and starting economically over again is not feasible or a rational choice.
I will have four revenue streams for retirement which only one is unprotected, and it has the most liquidity. But this is not the reason I am still married to "her."    
In many different ways as we age we mature [and usually] realize how complex life and relationships are. That cannot be changed.
Trying to abide in Christ as a disciple makes the realization of bad marital choices excruciating.
The church has taught over the centuries that marriage is a covenant that with a few exceptions is permanent.
No amount of mental gymnastics or word plays can negate scripture.
Yes I had ethic classes in ministry preparation and know the concept of "which is the lesser/grater evil."
I can only speak for myself but my choices are/were my choices.
I am not in an abusive relationship but one of my own choosing.
I have thought, prayed, and meditated long over my situation and have accepted it as it is.
But the cause and reason for not leaving, though tempting, is because of my calling to minister to others.
This is not to mean I am a martyr, far from it. But to walk away and divorce would injure too many people, and far beyond my own family.
My wife had a serious health issue and I refused to be a Newt Gingrich! My intention was to get her through the surgery, recovery, then set sail for calmer waters. But events changed swiftly and her surgeon became concerned she was in danger of dying.
That changes one's perspective.
She brags to others how helpful and knightly I was/am. I tell her gently "no-I did what was expected of me!"      
For my part, I have cleared the air with my wife and told her of what my expectations were/are and the many years of frustration I have had.
I have accepted we are roommates with benefits.
Don't anyone feel sorry for me. Both of us are professionals and have revenue streams (retirement) that are unexposed to the other. As I mentioned, she nor I can clean the other out. We are not spring chickens anymore, but neither of us needs the other for health reasons.   
I can hear some responders say "I am foolish, allowed myself to be trapped, living in  a fool's paradise, or some similar opinion that I have sold myself out."
I suspect the liberated and cosmopolitan will suggest I am weak, sold out, or unable to break away.     
The word "myself" is the operative word here. So why stay? That's the thing to do, for "me!"  I don't feel pressured or guilt ridden to stay. I can only say [again] for me, it's the thing to do.
As you write [and are right] the essence of life and God is love. The love of God will break the hold Satanism has upon the mind and heart of men. Sometimes that means to put oneself second and others first. As the scripture reminds the faithful that "God demonstrated his love for us that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly."   
I close with "and that's the way it is."
I pray no one feels I have let the cause down, because I have not.
First Comment from Pat:

My guess is that Kieran is mistaken.  His wife's "Feminism" is NOT the real problem.  She is simply SELFISH.  That is a much more serious problem.  


Feminism is only an intellectual construct - a product of the "brain-mind".  But REAL choices cannot be made by the brain-mind.  Just as they cannot be made by a computer.  Choices are made by the REAL-mind or subconscious or the heart.  Call it what you like, but it is not the physical intellect.  


After his wife chose to be selfish, she had to put an intellectual justification to it.  Otherwise she would have had to admit to herself that she was bad.  None of us like to admit that.  So she uses some of the arguments of feminism.  But if she lived in an era when feminism had not been invented, she would have found another rationalisation.  


Kieran does not say if they have children.  Raising a family is one of the ways that tends to defeat the temptation to be selfish.  It ought to teach us to love and to serve.  But if one is determinedly selfish, then even that will not correct us.  


There is no point in looking for help in Psychology.  If a psychologist is good, his theories will be rejected by the elite.  Only bad psychologists are given recognition and have their theories promoted.  That applies as far back as William James whose ideas were both clever and evil.  


It has become a popular notion that selfishness creates - ranging from the ideas of Dawkins to Business Theories.  But it is always a lie.  It never creates.  It only appears to do so - by stealing what is good (including ideas) from those who are good and unselfish and serving God.


Perhaps it is time for Kieran to start praying for his wife.  Because if she arrives at the next life with her heart still hard, then she is in serious trouble.  


Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "I Married a Feminist. Now What? "

Maynard said (December 9, 2014):

It is sad to see how two Christians are allowing themselves to willfully ignore scripture and then say they want to teach others.

Quick refresher here: Genesis

-God created woman from man for man.

-Man is head of woman as God is head of Christ

In theological terms this is called “the order of creation”

There is no feminist alive or dead that does not strongly disagree with this order. They believe that they are the goddesses themselves who need to be worshipped by themselves and others.

As a Christian husband to be obedient to a self-worshipping feminist instead of Christ is neither doing her nor himself any good. He should be obedient to Christ by being the head and taking responsibility in leading his household to Christ, instead of shrinking from it.

Here is the thing: We can not reverse the order of creation even if we think we can. The truth is that he is still the head of the marriage and will be held accountable in the end. I am not going to judge him because that is not my job.

His wife is sentencing herself to a stunted spiritual growth because she is not using the path God has laid out before her. She is outwardly trying to be a man which is unfruitful being that God made her a woman. Nobody really likes feminists, because they are pretending to be somebody they are not and thereby speaking and acting without authority. Who needs falseness in their lives?

To the commenter who said we need to use our spiritual minds instead of the carnal minds. You are absolutely right about that, because the carnal mind is death. Romans8.

I also agree with the commenter who said that he puts his finances before everything else. It shows a lack of Faith which is sad because a just man lives a faithful life.

To both of you until the error in your marriage is corrected, please don’t teach the Gospel because you are speaking without authority.

Thank you and good luck, I have faith in you both.

Adrian said (December 7, 2014):

Complete trust and faith in God is actually rare. It appears that Kieran possessed little.

Major changes in life borne out of guidance from an unselfish heart always turn out the best. The heart should be the rudder, not the mind. Kieran focused too much on finances.

"But to walk away and divorce would injure too many people, and far beyond my own family."

This is a cop out. The greatest happiness in society will be achieved when people act in the direction of achieving hapiness for
themselves, as long as the motivation is spiritual and non-egotistical. Kieran was oppressed. Imagine the "many people, and far
beyond my own family." who would be happy and inspired to see a free Kieran setting his own course.

Marco in reply to said (December 7, 2014):

Michael of maryland

know if you allow comments that contradict another commenters comment, so if you don't feel like posting, that's fine.)

I can't help but feel sorry for Kieran, because he obviously has suffered due to this relationship. He reminds me of my father, who has always been very patient among all his sufferings, including many difficult moments with my mother.

The commenter Michael of Maryland doesn't know what he is writing, he writes like somebody who has no experience; in the words of the author, " I suspect the liberated and cosmopolitan will suggest I am weak, sold out..."
Firstly he accuses the author of complaining (which he has not), accuses him of lack of leadership, and even has the audacity to preach about humility at the same time. The author wrote, "...the essence of life and God is love. The love of God will break the hold Satanism has upon the mind and heart of men. Sometimes that means to put oneself second and others first."

Maybe Michael can learn from this line. Because it essentially embodies humility and courageous sacrifice in continually denying oneself. Maybe the author made a mistake in marrying his wife, maybe he didn't and everything will work out in the end (hopefully)- but the point is (directed at Michael), it isn't fair to preach and accuse someone who has obviously suffered patiently. It is like the antithesis of Christian compassion.

Michael in Maryland said (December 6, 2014):

Dude- you complain a lot. At some point you were OK with her wearing the pants when it was convenient and now it isn’t working out as you aged. You and I are the same age, and you can’t undo a twenty year old problem overnight.

Furthermore as a Christian you didn’t take leadership in your home and you “bought the lie”. Not all men are namby-pamby dullard eunuchs either. That is a lie from hell I don’t buy. There are men that care deeply about their wife and would sacrifice anything for her (as Christ sacrificed Himself for His church) and can be a leader without being a despot.

Leadership is not natural and has to be learned. The Christian that takes the humility and sacrifice that Christ showed His disciples is a leader – and He said “take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am weak and lowly in heart…. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.

You can be a true example in humility and sacrifice- and then you can lead.

Tim said (December 6, 2014):

Hats off to Kieran for following the New Testament Scriptures! Actions like his put the covenant of marriage where it should be - our most sacred relationship with another human, which should not be taken lightly as it is in today's satanic culture.

His wife, however, as a Christian, is not following the Scriptures, as they teach a woman is to defer to her husband as head of the household. It appears a wife following any feminist doctrine in a marriage is not following Christian teaching.

But she appears to be least following Scripture in continuing to offering each other "benefits" in the marriage.

Greg said (December 6, 2014):

When you live with a woman, draw your lines with her. Acknowledge her as a separate individual with her own life. She makes her own choices and when she fails, she suffers her own consequences, and you show no pity. You might warn her, but women do not listen. If she does not listen, let her stew in the juices of the mess she creates so long as it does not infringe upon your person. If it could affect you personally, say "NO!" 'NO' means 'NO' and you have to be willing to enforce that.

The brother-sister marriage is the new norm. Live with it and protect yourself from it by drawing a line, then sticking to that line. She is she and you are you. Seek your own bliss and quit waiting for her to provide it. She is not your mother and you are not a child. Commit 100% to your own life, not to hers.

Linda said (December 6, 2014):

Kieran, your first love, as a man of Christ, is to love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, mind, will and strength and then to love according to your duty of state as a husband and whatever your family relationships may be - father, son, uncle etc.

All the ideologies are fundamentally hostile to the Christian faith, being contrived as they have been for the destruction of the Christian social order. The issues of life, the verities, the home truths, the Biblical truths, the holy faith itself are at this dark hour desperately important. And these are the truths of virile and untamed hearts.

Get hold of them, speak them and live them - especially toward your Christian congregation which has been subverted by these ideologies [ and not just feminism ] and then retooled for Satanic purposes. If you love your people, however defined, you will not just leave them alone in this state.

Read the prophets. Domestic harmony does not seem to be the happy lot of the prophetic calling.

Naila said (November 23, 2011):

Somehow I don't see anything noble or romantic about sharing a car when it means getting up an hour early to commute or drive someone to work. . . nor about trying to concentrate in a shared office amidst a spouse's phone conversations and possibly jarring music. Even sleeping in separate bedrooms can prevent long hours awake due to one spouse's snoring, getting up during the night, moving around a lot, etc. Health experts often suggest this as a solution to snoring problems when other things fail.

In Muslim countries separate bedrooms are more common, and not at all indicative of a problem in the marriage. Many women who have their own rooms respect and defer to their husbands. Many women who share a bed don't. The happiest couple I know have their own rooms, along with a fairly traditional power balance with him very much the head of the family.

In other words, this is a matter of practicality, of easing the often tricky business of daily living -- and not a feminist issue. The author's wife may or may not have overcome her negative feelings about men, but her wanting her own space is a separate thing entirely. I say he should either get rid of his baggage once and for all, or divorce her so she can find a real man whose masculinity isn't threatened by these very understandable choices of living arrangements.

Jennifer said (November 21, 2011):

Reading between the lines it seems that you are jealous of your wife.

"We always talked about going into a ministry and working together. But when the offer came, they only wanted her. .... She cared little that this move would end our plan to work together. There would be no "oneness" in our marriage What was I to do?"

What if they only wanted you? Then I wonder if you would you have turned them down. Why do you think they did not want you?

The idea that "oneness" comes from working together during the day is short-sighted and limiting. Working together during the day then being together on your time off?--doesn't that seem like a bit much?

You have no children and did not complain about it so I gather that you both did not want them.

Although you said that you went for feminism because of the noble idea of righting the wrong "repressive" men, wasn't the real draw that --You wanted the benefits of a double professional income, that you did not want the responsibilities of supporting your wife-- If you were with some needy subservient feminine Asian woman, I wonder if you would start complaining that you hated shouldering the financial responsibility?

You sound like a lot of divorced feminist men I have met on They told me they bought the feminist first wife package because they wanted the financial benefits but then once the money was made -- by the wife's joint contribution. She has to think like a man to make money-thereby sidelining her feeling/feminine side. Later the "leg-up man" wants to be "The Man". And they want a more nurturing woman. So they divorce. But once they have an opportunity to be with a non- feminist --truly loving nurturing submitting woman they resent being financially responsible.

adz said (November 21, 2011):

You know why? she sees you as worthless and unimportant, so every time something new happens, your wish is always "re-filed" to the back of the list. That, sir is a subtle way of being mean spirited without being mean spirited.

They say that saplings should be straightened when they are young since they are easier to work with and as the tree grows older, it becomes harder. That may be true, but you know what? nothing can withstand a bit of fire. Even the hardest metal succumbs to it.

What I'm trying to say is that its better to stand your ground rather than back down from an argument. The first thing you have to remember is learn how to say 'NO'. Next, whenever the topic of 'being subservient' comes up, ask her 'why? what is wrong with it?' the world is ran by males, yet, she's not out protesting about it right? so its not about women's right and other feminist BS, its about who she can and cannot control.

But here's the trick, before you ask her what is wrong with being subservient, ask yourself first what is wrong with it. If it comes out you're just being a control freak then you need to adjust yourself as well.

I'm Asian, and my wife is subservient, and we don't live under the mantra "women should stay home and make babies" no! Read the Bible, does it say that? real wives keep the house (kids included) in order, and do business at the same time while men do their work. Subservience means that 'You're my wife and I value your thoughts, and you have the right to input in decision-making, but in the end, I have the last say in any matter'. Of course, this comes with a price, if your decision does turn bad, you should be man enough to pick up the pieces WITH or WITHOUT her help.

Dr JC said (November 21, 2011):

Mike's got it right.

Also, his wife seems to have the traits of narcissism. Tough to "fix" narcissism and Kieran can't fix it.

As far as God and his commandments are concerned, committing adultery is a whole lot more than having sex outside of marriage.

It has to do with preferring anyone or anything other than one's mate. Even yourself. Forget that guilt trip.

There is no marriage with a narcissist.

Kate said (November 20, 2011):

Henry, you said it so well in your introduction to the article - men have been programmed to desire these women. Now Kieran has reached a level of inner maturity, sees his own truth and wants/needs to live in greater integrity beyond the programming - I commend him for this.

Only he can decide when his hope has died, but there is nothing noble about being indecisive. He says that his wife is happy with things as they are, though he is not. My comment, as a woman, is that somewhere deep inside she KNOWS that something is terribly wrong but she may never be able to admit it to herself or to him.

I agree that women do not respect weakness in a man. There is, however, a difference between weakness and kindness. I believe it is possible for a man to be in touch with the value of kindness and still be very strong. I would recommend that Kieran read Aubrey Andelin's book "Man of Steel and Velvet." Used copies can still be found on the internet. Good luck to him.

Judging by the responses to this article, it appears that folks are still blaming each other instead of recognizing the epic onslaught of evil feminist programming we have all endured for decades. Neither women nor men are to blame and we merely perpetuate the agenda if we continue to despise each other for it instead of despising the agenda of the programmers.

Tom said (November 20, 2011):

The unhappy husband should find a girlfriend. Preferably one
much younger (they tend to be less feminist, as the feminist women didn't have many children) and prettier. Make no effort whatever to hide it from his "wife". When he goes out to dinner with his new girlfriend, tell his wife that he is going out with his friend.

Become huffy and indignant when challenged about it, and tell her that if she had cared about his needs, he wouldn't have had to find so-and-so, who DOES care about his feelings and needs. Tell his "wife" how so-and-so makes him feel so young and happy and in touch with his masculinity. Completely ignore the "wife"'s needs or rants.

There is no point to putting anything into this kind of marriage.
They have no kids together, and the "wife" won't change. Drop it
like a used rubber.

Don't file for divorce, but if she does, what does it matter?
She won't get any more than if the divorce were filed anyway. Money doesn't seem like an issue here.

Make sure he has drained his bank accounts and other assets and physically has cash securely in hand in case the "wife" files bs
violence charges. A legal name change that the wife doesn't know about will help with a sudden garnishment of wages on him. Lots of ideas and tricks that can be done.

Remember that ice cream cannot be made from manure and it is pointless to try.

Gerald said (November 20, 2011):

Kieran in essence has been "feminized", since he is considering a divorce anyway he might as well take a shot at it. By articulating his needs, and announcing that there needs to be some changes, in their marriage. Because right now he is as close to being alone, as you can be. Sometimes this hurts more than actually being alone.

Don't ask nicely, or negotiate a deal, but instead act on your needs. Tell her what you want and what you need from her, and that your needs are not negotiable.

Be a man, and you will get what you need, either from her or someone else.

Stompin G said (November 20, 2011):

Give this man a break, dear readers! We don't always jump our relational ship when certain warning signs appear, nor should we. Verbally beating this man down with the intent to 'help' him by telling him what to do, including divorce, does not have true compassion for him and the relationship. His relationship with God on how marriage should transpire could gradually bring the changes needed to turn this marraige on its' head.

RP said (November 20, 2011):

Kieran is deathly afraid of being alone. Due to his age, his testosterone levels are down, which makes him more risk averse. Stepping out and divorcing his wife is doomed to fail unless he can increase his testosterone levels and meet the challenges of breaking psychic cords and aloneness head on. Even then, he'll need support, from other men, not women in this regard.

I predict that if he did divorce her, she would not expect it and it would flatten her.

I also agree with you Henry that she seems mostly reasonable for a feminist, particularly since she at least wants to cuddle.

I married a true feminist and fought incessantly for 7 years until we finally split.

His life doesn't sound terrible actually.

He needs to either stay and accept that this is his lot in life and find his own interests and a happy ending spot, or I echo a previous poster that he simply leave and take his money to either South Korea or Vietnam.

But he will fail miserably though unless his testosterone levels are up.

EJ said (November 20, 2011):

>>I have told her more than once that we live like college roommates. You have your life and I have mine... your office and I have mine...your bank account and I have mine...your car and I have mine. You have your bedroom and I have mine.>>

Time to graduate college homie and get someone who wants to share your bed.

>>It can't work. I cannot surrender my masculinity.>>

Too late, did that when you heard her say "men are bastards" and that was that.

>>But feminism is the reason for us to live on two different emotional, intellectual planes, and floors of our home>>

Don't blame feminism as it is only a mental perspective. As Steve indicated, you sound like a whiny baby. Take responsibility for your creation of this nonsense and do something about it. SEPARATE BEDROOMS?? That's pathetic. With all your material goods you two sound like the sort of yuppie couples people hate...financially sound and emotionally damaged. Grow up Kieran, the world is falling apart and you are pissing about your screwed up life. Take control and go.

Steve said (November 20, 2011):

Kiernan, man up! Quit being such a whiney little wuss. The problem isn't your wife, it's you! Right now, you are nothing more than an emotional eunuch. You need to grow a pair and divorce your wife. And, please, do not become involved with any women until you can start acting like a real man.

Before you leave your wife, sit down with her and apologize to her for being such a spineless, pathetic creature for your entire marriage. Geez, if she hadn't been a feminist before you married her, you would have made her one. You need to be a take-charge kind of man. If you had been one, this whole thing never would have happened. The fault is yours, buddy. Not hers.

I really believe you can change, though, and here is how........simply start doing exactly the opposite of everything you've done before. Seriously, every inclination and response has to be reversed. Where you have spoken, shut up. Where you have been silent, speak (loudly and clearly). Where you have done nothing, take command. Where you have been timid, be forceful. Where you have cared what others think, do your own thing.

I know there's a real man trapped inside you, Kiernan. Turn him loose!!!!

Christine said (November 20, 2011):

The author freely admits that his wife had a dreadful attitude towards men. If she really said that about men, then why did he keep dating her? Did he think that her attitude would improve?

Nice men complain that they can't get dates. Neither can nice women. Too bad we can't match the obnoxious jerks of the world with each other.

Jim said (November 20, 2011):

He knew this going in and still married her? His only way out now is just kill the b***h.

20 years in prison is a lot easier to do then what the b***h has in store for him. Yes, I hope you noted my lack of respect for any woman who adopts feminism.

Paul said (November 20, 2011):

Mr Dunn should remember that marriage is an arrangement for the protection of children, and that adults can come and go as they please.
Since there is no mention of any children, he should have divorced a long time ago. After all if a man marries and there is no child within a few years
he should divorce and find a fertile wife. Who would want this woman of his since she's barren anyway?

I find Mr Dunn immature since he sounds so needy and indecisive about breaking up. He should remember that despite all the advances of "feminism", that this is still a mans world.
Even though he's fifty five, there's no reason he couldn't marry a younger woman and sire a few children. And there are many women looking for a man who has financial stability who can afford children. There's no reason he couldn't marry a woman 20 years younger with baby fever. And he could easily get a white one. He need not go to Thailand and miscegenate.

To be manly the first and most important rule is to not take any nonsense from women. The second rule is that the one in a relationship that loves the other least is the boss of the relationship. Men should always have a "don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out the door" attitude. In other words when they start up with their feminist nonsense, tell them that it'll be easy for you to find a better mate elsewhere.

Feminism as a doctrine isn't feminine, and that's why feminists are silly girls. Just because you want to be a man, doesn't get rid of your vagina.

Women are looking for men. Even feminists. And men must get rid of alll doubt and be confident to be viewed as men.

Men also are better at being alone than women, and should remember that there ability to be solitary scares women and get's them to submit.

If Mr Dunn will not divorce this harpie, I suggest that he starts doing manly things, and dangerous things to get her respect and remind her that she isn't a man, and to keep one women must learn to submit, or end up as barren spinsters.

Jeff said (November 20, 2011):

Brother, you say that you do not want to surrender your masculinity. However, by the tone and tenor of your article, it sounds to me that you never had any masculinity to begin with. I don't know, maybe at 55, you are already too old to grow a set of balls. Check out:,

Chris said (November 20, 2011):

Sadly, I would say you are partly to blame because you accepted this behaviour and your weakness seemed to make her worst.
I do not see any advantage in being in the same home with your "wife", how will you move on when she is in the next room.
As a person who loves to travel, I almost agree with the person that told you to leave the country.

Your wife is broken and nothing can mend her.
Go on with your life and seek the happiness you deserve.

Stephen said (November 20, 2011):

A naval ship cannot have 2 captains, a pack of wolves cannot have 2 pack leaders otherwise the ship's or pack's existence are in jeopardy. The ensuing chaos of such a marriage either leads to the man being emotionally castrated and depressed, or in some cases physical violence may erupt.

Through eons of existence, the human male owned his family. His wife and children are his property to tenderly provide for and cherish. It is natural and normal for a man to own his wife. Owning a wife does not mean oppressing her.

But when the woman won't let the man own her, it is as if he has been rejected, he looses interest in the woman. They become in essence, strangers living under the same roof.

The wife blames him for loosing interest, he wonders what is wrong with himself, he may think himself to be a bad person. The children join in and blame the father and will not obey either. The chaotic navel crew wonders why the captain abandons his duties and lets the ship drift onto the rocks.

He is left powerless, confused and isolated. He is unhappy, living in fear knowing that he will be ruined by the corrupted legal system.

A woman that insists on being the alpha male or co-alpha male, best not get married.

Dan said (November 20, 2011):

Kieran wants out, that's clear. He's evidently been a lousy communicator for 20 years of marriage since I gather the wife doesn't have a clue he feels this way. She thought she married a feminist male because he acted like one and I believe he still does to her face. He's going to have to deal with it.


Kieran replies: Thanks for the kick in the ass! You read over the part where I HAVE communicated with her about what I think a marriage should be and how we are living like college roommates. My friend “she does have a clue” and all I get is a thousand yard stare and “I’ll try to do better” or “I’ll work at understanding you more.” Thanks for the sucker punch!

Dan A said (November 20, 2011):

My somewhat biased recommendation to the author of this article is to get a divorce, after doing some research on how not to get burned, during the divorce process. He should not discuss his desire for a divorce with his wife, until he has done such research.

I'm presently involved in a relationship with a woman who immediately gave me what my wife never had, so I hope this person finds such a lady in his life, in time.

Lukas said (November 20, 2011):

The key to himself seems to be:
"attractive, smart, and gave no quarter to the weak. My kind of woman."

Did that attraction change, is he attracted to other women
and are they different ? Does he fear uniting with a weak woman ?

Seeing men and women as bastards is natural
in her world view since she sees herself
as descended from a man who wasn't a man
and a woman who wasn't a woman and
marriage as something basically void and meaningless
beyond a contract assuring a servant
and a societal seal of approval status and success.

Of course women like that usually dream of
a strong man they could submit to,
but won't allow such a man to come too close.
Those available will simply never be good enough.

The perceived predisposition is neither
genetic nor spiritual, but programmed
by destroying feelings at an early age.

JDB said (November 20, 2011):

This may sounds simplistic and trite I know, but nothing could be further from the truth – do not divorce her! You, nor anyone else cannot change her…but with God, all things are possible! My heart breaks for you, but this has less to do with you then it has to do with God! Begin by asking God to change you – fully surrender and devote yourself to Him, and then marvel as His work becomes apparent! The only time God gave permission for divorce is infidelity…barring this, lay hold of Him by faith and move according to His Will!


Kieran replies:

Thank you for the reply and advice. You missed or misread the passage in the article that we both are in ministry and she has no concept of “onesess.” or unity of the marriage. To say I have discussed this with her would be an understatement. So I ask you “what am I to submit to God for?” I am not a Neanderthal and I firmly believe a man and women compliments one another and can be one in unity of purpose and soul. This is a mystery that Paul the Apostle referred to when he also mentioned the Church.

You said “to change you.” My marriage is out of divine order and blessing. Therefore if I take your advice, I will be submitting to her and this oppressive relationship will continue until one of us dies-just like I watched my parents.

Patiently waiting and praying and communicating hasn’t worked in 20 YEARS! My first or last name is not Job.

Frank ( said (November 19, 2011):

Here is what you do. DO NOT divorce her, because then she will rape you in the divorce courts financially. Simply take all of your money, your savings, and sell whatever you can without her noticing it. Then get on the first plane out of America and go to Thailand, South Korea, Hong Kong, or any other nice Asian country, and settle down there.

This sounds heartless, but it really isn't. This woman who you call your wife does not deserve anything, you do not owe her anything. She has already destroyed your relationship, therefore you owe her nothing and you can abandon her without feeling any guilt.

She's a strong independent woman, so why does she need your support? LET HER FEND FOR HERSELF!

So, take all your money, put it somewhere where she cannot reach it, and then abandon her and hop on the first plane to Thailand without telling her.

Let this feminist grow old alone with her 10 cats.

Mike said (November 19, 2011):

Kieran Dunn thinks that he married a feminist but in reality he has no marriage. True marriage involves a meeting of the minds and a joining of lives. They are simply living together as roommates, as he admits. His wife never joined to him for the purpose of becoming one. I certainly don't question his sincerity but he needs to see the reality of his situation.

He is single and he always has been. In this case divorce would only be a formality to make his legal status conform to his present reality. Best of luck Kieran. I think you deserve better.

Kieran reply:

Good point. I have wanted this marriage to work but I have come to the conclusion it has not and have to ask myself “Can we ever have a unified marriage?” I must also add that over time even MY dog has abandoned me at bedtime for her warm waterbed and a “Scooby Snack.” “Damn, I am in a tight spot!”

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at