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My Chinese Wife Set a Trap!

March 6, 2010


"Chinese women were so approachable and didn't appear to hate men. [They are shockingly] sweet and feminine."

(Wholesome Refuge in China--Another View)



Chinese women are only so because, in the initial stages, 

they want to trap you; later properly married they put the screws on you.


I am Max. I was teaching English in China. I was attracted by the advertisements calling to teach English in China, and for exotic locales and adventure. I got that alright. Now back home in the US, I am completely pissed off and unhappy. I honestly wished to God I had not gone to China and tangled with Chinese women. They are the most cunning and manipulative in the world. I am now left with a whole hole in my life; and a great sense of having been used and abandoned.

Like Tom I initially thought I found heaven. Indeed, I fell head over heels with my Chinese wife, one of my students at English class. She was so sweet and nice. After marriage, things changed ever so slightly but surely. She became ever so unhappy with my job as English tutor. She said it was 'a job with no future'. She said it was 'a low class job' with little pay and gave her no 'face'. She egged me to go home to the US telling me how wonderful life would be there. 

Besotted with my 'sweet' wife, I became more and more uncomfortable in China when even her parents and relatives became 'cooler' towards me, just after a half year of marriage. I decided to go back to US with my wife, moving to San Francisco thinking she would be happy there, many Chinese.

Indeed in the first year back I thought I found heaven. My wife immediately started to get to know the local Chinese community and started working in the Chinese restaurant, starting as dishwasher and moving on to assistant cook, keeping long hours. Her earnings were not much; how much can you get from a Chinese restaurant? But she was happy and did not have much complaints. She insisted though to get her 'green card' as spouse of an American citizen; and I was proud of her to do so, thinking that this proved her commitment to me and my country. Little did I know.

My 'sweet' wife got her US citizenship and things changed from thereon, overnight and never looked back until she left me.

After she got her citizenship papers, my wife asked me, demanded me to get her parents and relatives over, to sponsor them. I told her I cannot get her parents over as I was not earning enough; what are they going to live on? At this she laughed and said that 'in China men took care of the family and wives hold on to what they earn'. 

She would not give what she earned, she laughed at my job and earnings saying that most Chinese think Americans are 'well off', 'Now she really knows this is not true. I was the example.' This really hurt me bad. She then nagged me to sponsor her brother and family over; he is a computer technician. 

To keep the family peace, hoping things will go back to the good old sweet days I agreed. I went through hell and high water to get them over. She, my wife, was ecstatic to see her brother and family. But things did not really change. She worked long hours, scarcely gave me time and mixed even more with her brother's family.

She kept egging me on to get her parents and a cousin over. She kept on saying my job and earnings were 'a disgrace'. I could not even help her take care of her parents. I was 'indeed a great disappointment'. She kept on being cold to me and spent little time with me. I was not able to get her parents over; but I did manage to sponsor her cousin. This was my greatest mistake.

It turned out that he was not her cousin after all. He was a smooth looking young man with a computer science degree. Six months after her 'cousin' came over; my wife just quietly left the flat. I came back one evening and all her clothes and things were cleared out, clean. I searched hell and high water for her, I could not find her. Six months later, I received papers from a lawyer in Chinatown for divorce. It turned out that her 'cousin' is now her partner. The last I heard of her is that her parents are now over here. Her 'cousin' and her brother had got them over.

"Chinese women were so approachable and didn't appear to hate men. [They are shockingly] sweet and feminine."

This is COMPLETELY UNTRUE. They are only so because they want something from you. They want to get 'a green card' to a Western country, and they want to get their parents and relatives over to have the good life here, also to sponge of welfare and the pension. I have seen this many times from many friends. Same experience. Once they get the green card the will leave us 'hairy gweilos'. They think we are rich; once they realise we are not, they change overnight. They look down on you.

The best ladies my friends tell me are Filipinos. They are more westernised and they are actually prettier. They are warmer, have more 'heart'. They really love Americans. Many of my friends are turning off the East Asians - Chinese, Koreans, Japanese. They are too rich now. They look down on you. Filipinos and South East Asians like Laotians are better. Particularly FILIPINOS. They know American culture better; and they love us. They have more 'heart'.


Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "My Chinese Wife Set a Trap!"

Michael said (April 29, 2010):

Wow, after reading through this recent article and seeing the comments, I felt the need to comment as well.

First of all, responding to the last comment sent by David's "Chinese girlfriend"

Reading what you wrote makes me do a hard face palm. Look at all of your sentences. More than half of them end in an exclamation point. That kind of shows what kind of stereotype you pretty much put yourself into. (What I mean is, you're yelling. There's no reason to yell. K, thx)

Second of all, I married a woman of Chinese descent as well. So I can feel Max's pain. Recently my mother passed away and I'm trying to communicate a lot to my wife, but it's extremely difficult because within a few minutes of calling her, she would just drift away into her own "world" as I might call it. Basically she starts talking about something else, usually related to money or her green card, or hell, even start a conversation with someone else. It's like, I'm about to graduate from the University of Michigan and trying to tell her how happy I am, but she will just say "When do I have to resubmit my application for my green card?"

That, my friends, is the cold-hearted truth. Max, you have my condolences for your loss.

Andrew in Thailand said (March 7, 2010):

As an expatriate I find the local woman of Thailand to have more to offer than anyone of my home country Australia. That is more loving, more caring, more supportive, but still... Love is easy is if they don’t have to worry about putting food on the table. Though culture plays a large factor, and the romance of being someone exotic to them helps, it comes down to the individual and individual situation.

I’ve always felt Chinese women were a little on the cold side, here you are treated like a king, a massage a day, fed like a baby, told endlessly how loved you are, but betray them and you may need to a good surgeon to reattach some important male accessories.

That said, this [Thailand] is a place where women are everything that a woman should be, without the corrupting influences of the western cultural distortions such as feminism. Being from a western culture, our caring nature is admired by local women, often generally treated far better than the local men.

Ellenor said (March 7, 2010):

Hello from a female in Houston, Texas.

Although I do not agree with many of your online articles involving relationships between the sexes, I will share with you some information regarding the fellow that married that con artist Chinese girl.....

He was lucky.

Chinese girls are amateurs compared to the women associated with those sneaky online lonely hearts beautiful "mail order" brides from Ukraine or Russia. I have so many male friends that have experienced disastrous results, emotionally and financially, from participating in such romantic set-ups. What the Chinese girl did to your friend is NOTHING compared to the horror stories my guy pals have told me about those Russian chicks. Any man that involves himself with such women is likely going to a broken hearted gulag of no return for the rest of his life.

Sadly, your friend was originally manipulated in person, without using the Internet, not by just one woman, but a whole gang of people. This is more painful and certainly embarrassing for him. No one likes to realize that they have been "had" by a strategically planned manipulation. His heart obviously hurts, because it seems he truly fell in love with this woman, and now realizes the tragedy of his one-way affections.

So many men in the west look elsewhere globally for female companionship because they disqualify women like me and assume that (for example) all American women with jobs are horrible and act too much like men; this is simply not true. It's all simply a matter of survival these days, regardless of gender.

I absolutely HAVE to work and cannot rely on one single man for my safety and well being presently, because of the fact that we are ALL victims and slaves to a current global economy that ruins anyone's chances for what you and I would call True Love.

EVERYONE is now independently "out for themselves." The global economy intentionally destroys romance for everyone, world wide.

Going overseas to find a wife renders the same results for a fellow as if he searched for a wife in person, in his own native land. No matter what he does, he becomes an ingredient in a giant dysfunctional recipe for disaster and broken hearts, thanks to our monetary systems.

If I were in charge of things around here, we'd all be happy and free from the economic pressures and other nonsense that intentionally distract humankind from proper relationships. Romance and true love could return for everyone, all over the world, and our children would be happier as well.

AK Cajun said (March 7, 2010):

you're all nuts! wanna GREAT WIFE? get a U.S. girl. but not a high falutin city girl. go to any poor rural area where families are big and the girls are dumb, like Appalachia or hillbillies are. where the girls have been poor all their life, for generations, undereducated, overworked and generally gorgeous. they will worship the ground you walk on for taking them out of that vicious cycle.

222fx said (March 7, 2010):

Chinese are culturally ambitious when it comes to money related matters. That is why China has made such dramatic progress in recent economic growth. There is a saying in Chinese - the word/character "WORK" does not cross the head level. That means they aim always to climb higher. Foreigners who wish to sit back and have no thoughts of advancing in their career ( if one has not already well paid job ) will likely face major problems after marrying a Chinese wife.
Money and "FACE" seems to be of prime importance in their culture. By saying that I do not mean that applies to all parts of China.

It depends on the region and on the individual. There are many millions of evangelical Christians who practices the faith well above that seen in the west. There are also Muslim Chinese women . Just like the side effects of capitalism destroying parts of the west, this cancer is also creeping into the Chinese cities.

It is important to to know oneself in other to find the other. If one wants a homely women, one do not look for them in a disco/bar fill with smoke and alcohol.

Dan said (March 7, 2010):

I can comment with some authority, having been married to three expatriots from Vietnam, Japan, and Australia.

Aside from the green card game, the two largest barriers to success are language and culture. These were not, and are not "bad" women I lived with. You cannot hope to understand them if you have not lived in their culture for at least TEN years. You cannot hope to communicate at the level a marriage demands if there is a language barrier. Marriage is Phd level work in communication and compromise without the added baggage. When you get over the cute accent the real work begins.

I am happily married btw. After searching the world over I finally found my sweetie in my own backyard. She is a country girl from Kentucky.

Tai said (March 7, 2010):

Reading this article, I believe the key failure point for this fella is because he did not have a good male Chinese friend who would have easily spotted his betraying wife's motive and tactics and warned him early on.

So many Western men think with their penises. Just look at TV and movies - it's always an Asian gal as a TV anchor or part of the acting cast. With India's ascendancy economically, now we will usually see an Indian gal as a TV reporter or actress. You just don't see Asian or Indian guys much.

In some ways, I laugh when I see westerners choose their association based on appearance; it's no wonder they get screwed over easily in business and personal relationships, all because they think they have an advantage over a "weaker" sex who also happens to be nonwestern.

Christopher said (March 7, 2010):

I found that the first comment in response to this article [at bottom] to completely and totally lack sensitivity and basically just lashed out to blame the victim.

As someone who has gone through something similar with a Japanese woman I can totally agree with the original author of the article. The East Asians do kind of look down on us at this point, and their objectives in any relationship they choose to have with a Westerner might not be what you think they are. Possible areas for misunderstanding between them and someone with a western Judeo-Christian background are infinite, and this doesn't even touch on the possible baser motives to get access to the right to live and work in a western country.

Also, the cultural common ground that we have with Philippinas cannot be understated in its importance to having a healthy relationship. The Philippinas are Roman Catholic Christians with whom we will always have a lot more in common than we would with those that do not share our ethical/moral view of the world. For what it is worth, my second wife is Philippina, we have been married for 10 years and I am very happy.

Donna said (March 7, 2010):

Actually what you say about the Filipinos is not all true. Here in Vancouver, B.C. we have a very large community and I have also heard similar stories from a couple of men who married had the girl move into their flat or house and then have her demand her family be brought over one at a time and the men ended up supporting a house full of them. Women are women, they take care of their own, all over the world.

My husband was from Czechoslovakia and he knew under Communism the Czech women, Russians etc. all were happy to snare a Westerner just to get out of the country. Most such marriages end up split over time when the women are settled. Think also of WWII and how many war brides there were, women desperate to get away from a war torn country. The same happened in Vietnam and Korea.

While it is usually women, men too have been known to marry for money or to leave a poor country if the opportunity arises, it is just that generally in most cultures it is expected that the man is the one with the power and women usually like to marry up not down.

Katie said (March 7, 2010):

i don't mean to be rude, but most women aren't worth knowing.

this culture in the west has elevated them to status that just doesn't exist.

i tell men to be gay or single.

if i had the means to travel to where the men are, i could get 4 a week or so.

contrast that with my pre-transsexual life of sex each decade.

she even told me how valuable the sex had been, and how lucky i had been

to roger her old busted womb...i'm laughing since i woke

i call it the "golden goose"

even they believe their pussy has magickal powers, maybe to make your

self confidence and money disappear.

usury, sex as a weapon, perjury and these backwards behaviors are condemned

under the law.

Manu said (March 7, 2010):

It´s clear Max has made many mistakes, partly out of gullibility and partly out of inexperience, but also there´s a deeper more complex background here.

The fact is that nowadays things have changed and we are faced with new challenges. Some people see necessary to hold on to certain traditional values like marrying and having children but, is this really a logical path to follow given the situation we face?.

Its undeniable that we are about to be faced with more war, more economic tribulations, more attacks on freedom and social values, things are going to hell folks!!! Yet most people hold on to their inclinations of making a family and getting a good career etc, what Is that good for if your economy has been vandalized and your society is morally bankrupt?

I think, in my humble opinion at least, that there are times that call for making families and there are times that call for people to make sure that there is a nation remaining in which to make a family. I have made clear to my girlfriend that I do not want to have children as of now, and she agrees, we don’t feel it’s the time.

Right now the most crucial thing we should be doing is gathering strength and numbers to finally be able to gather a movement strong enough to oppose the plans for world tyranny by means of civil disobedience. The people can make this current system fail by their will and organization, and the people can ask for a new system in which there won´t be any tolerance for corruption and conspiracy. But first the people has to become aware of what the problem is, become aware of what the solution would be ( pretty simple, the complete reverse of the current situation), and start creating a momentum which climax would be an absolute, overwhelming popular movement of peaceful civil disobedience against the oppression we are suffering and against the iniquity and injustice the world is being subjected to.

Right now it is not so important to be making families but to make sure there is a world in which families will be able to live in freedom, peace, privacy, prosperity, justice and the highest ethical codes we can aspire to. If there is one thing I agree with the world elites is that overpopulation IS indeed a problem.

Claes said (March 7, 2010):

Regarding Filipino women I can inform that I am married to a wonderful one since many years.

Which doesn't make me believe that all of them are like that. But basically I do believe there is some truth in the general opinion from all those writers lately in your website who moved abroad and married foreign women. There is something problematic with the sex roles in western societies. Most of the other countries in the world are at least somewhat more oldstylish in that respect I think. Which seems to have the effect that marital relations function better.

Well, I am not sure, but being 65 years old and having lived abroad (Cyprus, China, Philippines) for 24 years I have some experience of different cultures. And I don't generalize on women or men from any country or culture.

I was amused here in the Philippines, when I heard people say "Foreigners are like that" or "Foreigners are like this". Broad generalizations about everybody who is not Filipino. Reminding me of the old Swedish saying "Foreigners, it's a shame to say, but they behave the way they do". Maybe people of different races and cultures are more similar than it first seems?

Virginia said (March 7, 2010):

My ex-husband was in charge of the Asian Market for many years before we relocated to America from Switzerland. With the reunification of Hong Kong, he went back to China (business travel at the beginning) to consolidate offices from Hong Kong, Beijing and Shanghai into one big office in Shanghai.

Soon after he began having an affair with his secretary and that was the end of our marriage in 2002 (legal separation through the court until 06, when we finally got the divorce)

She quit working and he financially supported her, and her entire family (sister, husband, mother and father).

My boys had visitation with them, for which I would fly over to China and spend a week in a hotel while they spent time with their father. I went a few times out to dinner with her, allowed her to stay at my home once during a child visitation.. I really did not hold a grudge as the loss was his, not mine and besides I had met him in high school, so as much as you try to hate someone, it is hard to do when you have spent most of your life with that person and he fathered your two most beautiful gifts in life.

He did not want to get married for all this time as he knew what she really was after, but in August of 08 he caved in and married her. In November 22nd of 09 I got a phone call that he was hospitalized with a brain hemorrhage.

I went to the Chinese consulate the next day and got humanitarian visas to fly that night and visit him: he had a fractured skull (open compound) and he was in a coma. How did it happen? we have heard 4 different stories, however we were the ones organizing repatriation with an air ambulance back to Europe (which she refused once we left), medical bills, etc.

On December 7th he passed... again, we organized repatriation of the body, funeral in Europe with his mother and sister...

We found out she had signed a refusal of no medical treatment or care the first 12 hours he was in the hospital brought in by a friend, claiming he was just drunk. She says he fell in the bathroom, but anyone in forensics knows that for such fracture, it requires at least 600 lbs of pressure...which sitting on a toilet won't do such job... we are still trying to investigate, but in order to get all medical records we require her signature (Chinese hospital regulations) and of course, she won't sign for it.
To this day we have not received a death certificate, as it requires her consent, but we have received her hate e-mails as she found out she was not married long enough to receive a pension from the Swiss government ( he worked for a Swiss company all his life), she is now claiming the boys are not his boys and that I should be grateful she allowed him to be"generous" to me and give me money for the boys (read: court enforced child support).

She owns two flats paid by my ex-husband in Shanghai (next to each other, one for her mother and one where they lived), emptied his bank account 3 days before his death, she is now after my children's inheritance and it seems she might get away with murder, unless by the grace of God, the Austrian government listens to our leads to open an investigation on this case (He was an Austrian citizen).

So, for David, I have also encountered educated, wonderful Chinese people; some of them were my professors at school while studying medicine and it is not to say they are all the same, but I would kindly ask David to go to Shanghai or Hong Kong (where I lived for a few years) and really open his eyes as to what happens to some foreign people out there... it is shocking.

Maybe one day we will bring justice to the death of my children's father, however this is one of hundreds of cases out there that have not been looked into by any authorities and leave people like my children traumatized.

Duane in Thailand said (March 7, 2010):

I won't assume anything about the man who wrote that article but maybe if he was a partner with this girl to help her do what she had to do to take care of her family. He would still be a happy man. But if he wanted her to forget her family then he was thoroughly misguided.

Some times its easy to make promises and tell her things to make her feel good about this and that because you are in love. I can make a lot of money in America and you can too, but might want to mention the cost of living too. This is from personal experience maybe with the author it was different.

Their are good girls and bad girls and most are in between. So who knows? I also have a good friend with a Chinese wife and he is very happy. So don't be scared away men, good women can definitely be found no matter how ugly you are. I know from personal experience being ugly myself.

FML said (March 7, 2010):

Hi, just read your article and being a Chinese male myself in Singapore, i can tell the article could very well be completely true.

Chinese women from China have conned and swindled many Chinese men (even married ones) in Hong Kong and Singapore over the years, especially retired men whom just got their pensions. Recounting those stories would make my blood boil and all i can say is a guy would be better off trusting a Black Mamba than these women from China.

For those who doubt what i'm saying, just go to any online forum from Singapore and they'll get all the horror/tragic stories and facts as they were published in the newspapers in the first place.

well, i hope all men around the world will wise up and be wary of these women from China as they're like ghosts released from Hell and they're hungry for just one !!

If they can be so merciless to fellow Chinese men, imagine what wicked and vile plans they have in store for Western men. Ignore my warning at your own dire peril............

David said (March 7, 2010):

Hi Henry I saw the Chinese wife article today. I sent it to my Chinese girlfriend, I met her in England where she completed her masters degree in English literature. I think her response will interest you, here it is;

The guy who wrote this is a moron! The whole thing makes him look so stupid it is incredible! I don't think he and his wife have ever been able to communicate well at all or I can't imagine there is any other reason for them to have expected the least possible things from each other! The whole thing is so stupid and also his attitude was completely wrong! He is the kind of American guy who is looking for a slave who has no money or self-respect and will have to depend on him and serve him as a slave, not a wife!

Indeed I thought Americans are over there slave complication now but obviously I'm wrong! Does it really make them feel so much better to have complete control over females in their life?

Marriage is based on mutual understanding and independence and look what he is saying:"Many of my friends are turning off the East Asians - Chinese, Koreans, Japanese. They are too rich now. They look down on you. Filipinos and South East Asians like Laotians are better. "

Why doesn't he just marry a horse! A horse will certainly not leave him till it dies! I'm looking forward to see him being abandoned by a Filipino this time! He deserves it!

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at