I Married a Feminist. Now What?
December 6, 2014

Women were not the only ones brainwashed by feminism.
Men were actually conditioned to admire and desire these women.
But after 20 years of an "egalitarian" marriage, Kieran Dunn had enough.
His "roommate" relationship saps his masculine pride.
Should Kieran get a divorce or tough it out? We revisit his original post
November 19, 2011, and your comments. Afterward, we learn what he did.
from November 19, 2011
by Kieran Dunn
(henrymakow.com)
I should have known I was in trouble 20 years ago when we went over the wedding vows and my wife-to-be told me "obey" will not be included. As a college educated and "enlightened" male, I laughed and replied "I understand."
The title of Jerry Reed's song says it all, "She Got the Goldmine, I Got The Shaft."
My bride to be and I were college educated; she had a background in linguistics and I in humanities and public school administration. We both had prior marriages. I had baggage and unresolved issues.
I had also been indoctrinated. I believed that males at times have repressed women, and I was out to change the course of male/female relationships, at least between us.
I worked hard to be the enlightened husband and nurtured her in understanding (female) subjective reality and how it colors all relationships. Feelings, whether they are based on reality or fantasy, are real to the individual. So we worked hard at understanding each other.
But the relationship was doomed to fail from the start as far as "becoming one." She was a feminist, not the Gloria Steinem, bra-burning type, but a quasi-feminist.She had caught my attention in a college class when the professor asked her what her feelings were on men. Her reply was they were "bastards."
I had not given her much thought to that point, but she had thrown down the gauntlet. She was attractive, smart, and gave no quarter to the weak. My kind of woman.
How did I know this? I had swallowed the programming by feminists and disingenuous liberals who controlled higher education.
Being the malleable student wanting to be fed from the fountain of knowledge, I embraced that we men had been too hard on women, Indians, Coloreds, Martians, and other assorted creators belonging to the animal world.
I was ready to leave the unwashed masses and join the thousand points of light that would change the cultural dynamics of male/female relationships.
DOUBTS
The watershed was ten years ago when I should have acted.
We always talked about going into a ministry and working together. But when the offer came, they only wanted her. My approval was all they needed from me.
(left, stepping out) I could have iced her career and reinforced her assessment of men. She cared little that this move would end our plan to work together. There would be no "oneness" in our marriage What was I to do?
I swallowed and said, "It's OK with me." At the time I felt this was right but ten years later I realize it was not. Her desire to launch out without me was her feminist brainwashing coming through.
Everything she has accomplished has been because of my contacts. I have reminded her of this more than once to illustrate all men aren't bastards (we are just dullards due to conditioning).
She was not mean spirited nor has she ever been. When we have had heated discussions over this, she accuses me of wanting her to be subservient, which is not true.
I counter with "not one time have you ever asked me, can we work together?" You have never asked me, "what would my role be?" Then I just get a blank stare and "Well, you are right." But that is where it ends and has stayed for 10 years.
DIVORCE?
I called my brother recently and the conversation got around to how different he has felt since his divorce from a quasi-feminist.
At that precise moment, his ton of bricks fell on me. I had to admit that for the last 10 years, I have endured psychic/emotional grief. But I have just turned 55 and I do not know what to do at my age.
My wife is a quasi-feminist and that is who I married. I realize I cannot change her and what she feels is her mission in life. On my side of the coin I cannot envision living into my twilight years feeling like I do. This is beyond a dilemma; it is a Gordian knot.
The dilemma is this. She is content and happy with things going the way they are (except she wants more snuggle time in her bed). She knows I am unhappy but not the extent of my frustration. I blame myself. I chose to marry a toned-down feminist believing that through mutual trust, understanding, and commitment we could make a life together.
Her feminism is stealth. If I would say a feminist is a women with an "incipient penis," she would probably reply "that may be true-but I have yours too."
It can't work. I cannot surrender my masculinity. I am supposed to provide and lead my family but am not allowed to. I am not berated in public or at home. We respect each other.
But feminism is the reason for us to live on two different emotional, intellectual planes, and floors of our home-that is contrary to how I believe the Creator meant for us to live. And NO amount of re-education can change this genetic/spiritual predisposition.
--
From Kieran Dunn (Recently) : "I have accepted we are roommates with benefits."
The 2011 commenter who remarked "sell all and flee to Singapore" was my favorite. I wish I could have followed his advice.
I am on the glide slope to retirement and starting economically over again is not feasible or a rational choice.
I will have four revenue streams for retirement which only one is unprotected, and it has the most liquidity. But this is not the reason I am still married to "her."
In many different ways as we age we mature [and usually] realize how complex life and relationships are. That cannot be changed.
Trying to abide in Christ as a disciple makes the realization of bad marital choices excruciating.
The church has taught over the centuries that marriage is a covenant that with a few exceptions is permanent.
No amount of mental gymnastics or word plays can negate scripture.
Yes I had ethic classes in ministry preparation and know the concept of "which is the lesser/grater evil."
I can only speak for myself but my choices are/were my choices.
I am not in an abusive relationship but one of my own choosing.
I have thought, prayed, and meditated long over my situation and have accepted it as it is.
But the cause and reason for not leaving, though tempting, is because of my calling to minister to others.
This is not to mean I am a martyr, far from it. But to walk away and divorce would injure too many people, and far beyond my own family.
My wife had a serious health issue and I refused to be a Newt Gingrich! My intention was to get her through the surgery, recovery, then set sail for calmer waters. But events changed swiftly and her surgeon became concerned she was in danger of dying.
That changes one's perspective.
She brags to others how helpful and knightly I was/am. I tell her gently "no-I did what was expected of me!"
For my part, I have cleared the air with my wife and told her of what my expectations were/are and the many years of frustration I have had.
I have accepted we are roommates with benefits.
Don't anyone feel sorry for me. Both of us are professionals and have revenue streams (retirement) that are unexposed to the other. As I mentioned, she nor I can clean the other out. We are not spring chickens anymore, but neither of us needs the other for health reasons.
I can hear some responders say "I am foolish, allowed myself to be trapped, living in a fool's paradise, or some similar opinion that I have sold myself out."
I suspect the liberated and cosmopolitan will suggest I am weak, sold out, or unable to break away.
The word "myself" is the operative word here. So why stay? That's the thing to do, for "me!" I don't feel pressured or guilt ridden to stay. I can only say [again] for me, it's the thing to do.
As you write [and are right] the essence of life and God is love. The love of God will break the hold Satanism has upon the mind and heart of men. Sometimes that means to put oneself second and others first. As the scripture reminds the faithful that "God demonstrated his love for us that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly."
I close with "and that's the way it is."
I pray no one feels I have let the cause down, because I have not.
You can find this article permanently at http://henrymakow.com/i_fell_for_a_feminist_what_now.html
Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at
Comments for "I Married a Feminist. Now What? "
Greg said (December 6, 2014):
When you live with a woman, draw your lines with her. Acknowledge her as a separate individual with her own life. She makes her own choices and when she fails, she suffers her own consequences, and you show no pity. You might warn her, but women do not listen. If she does not listen, let her stew in the juices of the mess she creates so long as it does not infringe upon your person. If it could affect you personally, say "NO!" 'NO' means 'NO' and you have to be willing to enforce that.
The brother-sister marriage is the new norm. Live with it and protect yourself from it by drawing a line, then sticking to that line. She is she and you are you. Seek your own bliss and quit waiting for her to provide it. She is not your mother and you are not a child. Commit 100% to your own life, not to hers.
Linda said (December 6, 2014):
Kieran, your first love, as a man of Christ, is to love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, mind, will and strength and then to love according to your duty of state as a husband and whatever your family relationships may be - father, son, uncle etc.
All the ideologies are fundamentally hostile to the Christian faith, being contrived as they have been for the destruction of the Christian social order. The issues of life, the verities, the home truths, the Biblical truths, the holy faith itself are at this dark hour desperately important. And these are the truths of virile and untamed hearts.
Get hold of them, speak them and live them - especially toward your Christian congregation which has been subverted by these ideologies [ and not just feminism ] and then retooled for Satanic purposes. If you love your people, however defined, you will not just leave them alone in this state.
Read the prophets. Domestic harmony does not seem to be the happy lot of the prophetic calling.
Naila said (November 23, 2011):
Somehow I don't see anything noble or romantic about sharing a car when it means getting up an hour early to commute or drive someone to work. . . nor about trying to concentrate in a shared office amidst a spouse's phone conversations and possibly jarring music. Even sleeping in separate bedrooms can prevent long hours awake due to one spouse's snoring, getting up during the night, moving around a lot, etc. Health experts often suggest this as a solution to snoring problems when other things fail.
In Muslim countries separate bedrooms are more common, and not at all indicative of a problem in the marriage. Many women who have their own rooms respect and defer to their husbands. Many women who share a bed don't. The happiest couple I know have their own rooms, along with a fairly traditional power balance with him very much the head of the family.
In other words, this is a matter of practicality, of easing the often tricky business of daily living -- and not a feminist issue. The author's wife may or may not have overcome her negative feelings about men, but her wanting her own space is a separate thing entirely. I say he should either get rid of his baggage once and for all, or divorce her so she can find a real man whose masculinity isn't threatened by these very understandable choices of living arrangements.
Jennifer said (November 21, 2011):
Reading between the lines it seems that you are jealous of your wife.
"We always talked about going into a ministry and working together. But when the offer came, they only wanted her. .... She cared little that this move would end our plan to work together. There would be no "oneness" in our marriage What was I to do?"
What if they only wanted you? Then I wonder if you would you have turned them down. Why do you think they did not want you?
The idea that "oneness" comes from working together during the day is short-sighted and limiting. Working together during the day then being together on your time off?--doesn't that seem like a bit much?
You have no children and did not complain about it so I gather that you both did not want them.
Although you said that you went for feminism because of the noble idea of righting the wrong "repressive" men, wasn't the real draw that --You wanted the benefits of a double professional income, that you did not want the responsibilities of supporting your wife-- If you were with some needy subservient feminine Asian woman, I wonder if you would start complaining that you hated shouldering the financial responsibility?
You sound like a lot of divorced feminist men I have met on match.com. They told me they bought the feminist first wife package because they wanted the financial benefits but then once the money was made -- by the wife's joint contribution. She has to think like a man to make money-thereby sidelining her feeling/feminine side. Later the "leg-up man" wants to be "The Man". And they want a more nurturing woman. So they divorce. But once they have an opportunity to be with a non- feminist --truly loving nurturing submitting woman they resent being financially responsible.
adz said (November 21, 2011):
You know why? she sees you as worthless and unimportant, so every time something new happens, your wish is always "re-filed" to the back of the list. That, sir is a subtle way of being mean spirited without being mean spirited.
They say that saplings should be straightened when they are young since they are easier to work with and as the tree grows older, it becomes harder. That may be true, but you know what? nothing can withstand a bit of fire. Even the hardest metal succumbs to it.
What I'm trying to say is that its better to stand your ground rather than back down from an argument. The first thing you have to remember is learn how to say 'NO'. Next, whenever the topic of 'being subservient' comes up, ask her 'why? what is wrong with it?' the world is ran by males, yet, she's not out protesting about it right? so its not about women's right and other feminist BS, its about who she can and cannot control.
But here's the trick, before you ask her what is wrong with being subservient, ask yourself first what is wrong with it. If it comes out you're just being a control freak then you need to adjust yourself as well.
I'm Asian, and my wife is subservient, and we don't live under the mantra "women should stay home and make babies" no! Read the Bible, does it say that? real wives keep the house (kids included) in order, and do business at the same time while men do their work. Subservience means that 'You're my wife and I value your thoughts, and you have the right to input in decision-making, but in the end, I have the last say in any matter'. Of course, this comes with a price, if your decision does turn bad, you should be man enough to pick up the pieces WITH or WITHOUT her help.
Dr JC said (November 21, 2011):
Mike's got it right.
Also, his wife seems to have the traits of narcissism. Tough to "fix" narcissism and Kieran can't fix it.
As far as God and his commandments are concerned, committing adultery is a whole lot more than having sex outside of marriage.
It has to do with preferring anyone or anything other than one's mate. Even yourself. Forget that guilt trip.
There is no marriage with a narcissist.
Kate said (November 20, 2011):
Henry, you said it so well in your introduction to the article - men have been programmed to desire these women. Now Kieran has reached a level of inner maturity, sees his own truth and wants/needs to live in greater integrity beyond the programming - I commend him for this.
Only he can decide when his hope has died, but there is nothing noble about being indecisive. He says that his wife is happy with things as they are, though he is not. My comment, as a woman, is that somewhere deep inside she KNOWS that something is terribly wrong but she may never be able to admit it to herself or to him.
I agree that women do not respect weakness in a man. There is, however, a difference between weakness and kindness. I believe it is possible for a man to be in touch with the value of kindness and still be very strong. I would recommend that Kieran read Aubrey Andelin's book "Man of Steel and Velvet." Used copies can still be found on the internet. Good luck to him.
Judging by the responses to this article, it appears that folks are still blaming each other instead of recognizing the epic onslaught of evil feminist programming we have all endured for decades. Neither women nor men are to blame and we merely perpetuate the agenda if we continue to despise each other for it instead of despising the agenda of the programmers.

(Left. Catholic schools teach meditation)
Brother Sculley informs us that an Irish diplomat named John Main was working in Malaya in 1955 and encountered an Eastern guru named Swami Satyananda. Main, being impressed with the gurus 'peacefulness,' asked him to teach him the yoga way of meditating.
The organization behind building the program is the World Community for Christian Meditation . As you can see from this photo (left)
"How can a man concentrate on the news when his mind
TV TITILLATION
by Mr. Jibril Muhammad
Perplexed by Ferguson by Wade 





Tim said (December 6, 2014):
Hats off to Kieran for following the New Testament Scriptures! Actions like his put the covenant of marriage where it should be - our most sacred relationship with another human, which should not be taken lightly as it is in today's satanic culture.
His wife, however, as a Christian, is not following the Scriptures, as they teach a woman is to defer to her husband as head of the household. It appears a wife following any feminist doctrine in a marriage is not following Christian teaching.
But she appears to be least following Scripture in continuing to offering each other "benefits" in the marriage.