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Possession is Part of Marriage

December 28, 2015

A woman expresses love in terms of 
surrender, i.e. trust. She empowers 
her husband by accepting his leadership,
and by believing in him.  

Women exchange power for love. They want
to be possessed by their husband's love. 

(Revised from Dec. 2009)

by Henry Makow Ph.D.

My wife recently asked me why I loved her. Instead of enumerating her good qualities, I simply answered honestly: "Because you belong to me. "

At the risk of being politically incorrect,  many men do not seek great beauty, brains or sex, but the simple feeling of "possessing" a woman. In other words, what they seek is a degree of ownership or power. This affirms their masculinity.

And many women have the complementary craving, to totally "belong" to their husband.

This is the key to intimacy, how two people become one. When a man earns a woman's love, she entrusts herself to him. And of course, he aspires to be worthy of this responsibility.  
Conversely, if a woman foolishly gives herself to the wrong man, she bears the responsibility.

As I have said: Men want power. Women want love. Heterosexual marriage is an exchange of the two. Sex is the symbol of this exclusive bond.

Thus, a woman empowers her husband by accepting his leadership. Men and women were designed to complement each other, not to compete or fight. Most marriages break up due to a struggle for power.

Possession is a practical necessity. A man needs to "own the womb" to ensure his wife conceives his child and not another man's. A woman wants to rear a child that expresses her love for her husband. Sometimes the child is 'a little version' of him.

Marriage is based on the exchange of feminine worldly power for masculine power expressed as love. Of course, women retain other forms of power, i.e. aesthetic, moral, emotional, intellectual etc.


The greater a woman's acceptance her husband's leadership, the greater his love for her. When the issue of worldly power is settled, a husband's sense of self expands to encompass his wife. She becomes part of his ego.

Women express love in terms of surrender, i.e. trust. She empowers her husband by believing in him.  Thus, she inspires him to sacrifice for her and their children.

In "The Power of Sexual Surrender" psychiatrist Marie Robinson writes that femininity is based on "an essential female altruism" i.e. putting husband and children first.  Real women do not seek power. They seek love. They are cherished because they dedicate themselves to husband and children.  


We live in a toxic environment for marriage. The Illuminati (satanic, Masonic) central bankers who control modern politics, education and kulture, continue to sabotage this exchange by attacking women's trust in men. 

Men are irresponsible "abusers." Marriage is exploitative and oppressive. Women must be  "independent." How can one person belong to another? Women must be "strong and independent." 

By haranguing women to seek power, they fit them with a psychological penis (penis=power) thereby neutering them and creating gender dysfunction. By promoting homosexuality and promiscuity, they are making it difficult to form an exclusive lifelong bond, and stable foundation for family. 

Our "feminist" political leaders, pundits and educators are dupes and opportunists at best, impostors or traitors at worst. No honest government allows its men and women to be turned against each other.

We have a de facto Communist society. Feminism is nothing but Marxism applied to gender. Communism is Satanism. The satanist goal is to spread sickness and dysfunction as a way to exploit and control. "We corrupt in order to control," Giuseppe Mazzini said. 

Similarly, feminism has conditioned men to extend their adolescence by seeking sex instead of marriage and family. Emasculated men can neither demand nor command a woman's trust. 

Young men and women now equate love with sexual attraction which inevitably is transitory and fickle. As I said, love is based on sacrifice. We love people who do things for us. When a woman self effaces, she awakens an outpouring of love in his soul. Their identities and self interest are fused.

Love is also based on many qualities that have nothing to do with sex appeal. I also love my wife because she is smart and capable. She's not perfect but then neither am I.


You don't win a woman's trust by attempting to dominate or suffocate her. You want her to want to belong to you. You consult her and consider her wishes.

You accept her individuality. For example, you don't try to impose your ideas. Naturally you will choose someone who has an affinity with you. But you're not looking for a clone. You should value her perspective and appreciate your differences. You complement each other. For example, I am a big picture guy. My wife is detail oriented. I need her. 

I get emails from men who complain that their women can't accept the "Conspiracy." So what? Do you really want the madness mirrored back to you? If what we're saying is true, it will become apparent to everyone eventually. People in possession of the truth do not have to proselytize.

As for sex, I can't imagine a man ever insisting on sex when his wife is not in the mood. There's no faster way to turn a woman off. Sex should never be an issue. 

On the other hand, a man won't let his wife engage in activities that endanger her or their marriage.


When a man loves a woman, he wants her to be happy. He wants her to want him.
If you are single, narrow the search to women who want you.

Seek feminine receptivity: i.e. the ability to give, trust, belong.

Comments for " Possession is Part of Marriage "

Marc White said (December 29, 2015):

Thanks again for reposting your article today. I am rereading Marie's book on the power of sexual surrender. Last night I was again captivated by the chapter on the rise of feminism which seems to hit the nail on the head. I'm going to be posting up the chapter on our ministry site. As a leader in the church of Jesus Christ here in America, I'm astounded at the self-delusion and self rationalization that ignores that feminist invasion and the devastating consequences and all the families that I know.

I don't know if you're aware of several female Christian blog sites that are excellent. Wanted to pass them along: unveiled wife, peaceful wife, and hot holy and humorous. These younger women with families have figured out how to please her husband and love Jesus Christ the way he intended: by obeying his commandment to submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5.

Here are two great books on abuse in the Christian church and one on divorce and remarriage by David Instone-Brewer which is the best book on the subject on this planet.

I read your book a long way to go for a date. Revealing and painful. Thanks again for all your work and opening up my Vista to see that there really is only one conspiracy. The New World order and its antichrist against Jesus Christ and his kingdom.

One day closer to Home and Him!

Heath said (December 12, 2009):

Thank you for reminding me how important and so much more healthy it is for a man to maintain his masculinity. I wish I could have received this information as a much younger man. Also I believe that true sexual fulfillment only comes through a committed, monogamous. heterosexual relationship, although it took a decade of "chasing skirt" to realize that what I I was taught to want by popular culture was not what was healthy or what I needed. That is what my mother truly wanted for me, regardless of all the feminist propaganda in her mind. Women want manly husbands and manly sons, they want and need a man's strength just as a man needs his wifes submission. Women and Men are not the same and they shouldnt be treated as such. They should not share public restrooms, they should not trade places domestically, and although they may serve with distinction women should under no circumstances ever be exposed to combat.

As a veteran I can assure you that men are by their nature "prepared" for violence because of their "hunter" nature. Combat can only damage a woman's psyche, not to mention that of the men who might watch violence happen to her. Men want and need to be protectors of women, because the woman represents hearth and home, wife and mother.

Oh how we have been manipulated for so long! Only after a realization of our true nature will men and women together defeat the World Revolutionary Movement Conspiracy (NWO/illuminatti)

Lawrence said (December 11, 2009):

Henry: as a born-again one I 100% agree with the new Testament injunction that "husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the churchh and gave Himself for it.
And you wives, honour your husbands."

This one rule for each is perfect; and so simple! The honourable man and woman won't cheat on each other. [Like mine did, unbeknownst to me!] all thru our "Christian" marriage, which culminated in her leaving me for another cheater and resulted in 4 devestated and anchorless children who are all now following mommy's example.

Terry said (December 11, 2009):

I enjoyed the article "Possessiveness" is Part of Marriage as linked from Rense. The responses were even more interesting and educational.

The bulk of them, both men and women, were offering personnel testimony of the destructiveness of contemporary teaching. A few offered that there were some good aspects of feminism; this while seeming to agree with you about the bulk of your observations without specifically voicing it. Only a few parroted feminist dogma and fully seemed to believe that they were the open minds.

So between your article and the responses, great social enlightenment and education for me.

Christine said (December 11, 2009):

While I agree that from an emotional and sometimes economic perspective possessiveness is a part of marriage, that is one reason why I am glad I've never married.

Two of my married friends have told me that their husbands resented their love for God and were jealous of it. Mainly because that meant that the man did not completely possess his wife, because, of course, he never can.

That is why it is easier to seek God in the state of celibacy and virgininity: your heart is not divided betweeen a spouse, God, and children. Of course, we need families. And of course, the family is the cornerstone of society.

Nevertheless, as head of the household, the man needs to put first things first: God first, then the spouse and children. When he doesn't, jealousy and resentment reign in the home.

As Fr. Peyton used to say, the family that prays together stays together.



Apparently your friends chose the wrong husbands.


Russ said (December 11, 2009):

My wife and I were fortunate enough to marry on Christmas Day itself, which we considered the best present to ourselves ever. We also at the time of buying rings decided to get tattoos. My name on her back, hers on my back(not like footballers I might add). We tell people now that we are property of each other. As weird as this may sound to people out there, it actually gives us a lot of strength, knowing that we belong to each other, and due to the markings, no other could ever take that sacred place.

Clare said (May 8, 2008):

Hi Henry, I like your articles and generally agree with much of what you say. I see the importance for both men and women of understanding the significance of gender roles and identities. I don't hate men in the slightest; my brother, father, neighbours and many friends are all men.

However, I am also a lesbian, I don't sleep around, don't think that all women ought to be lesbians, but the unfortunate fact is that some of us just naturally are. It ain't easy, I'd rather be straight, but it is just the way I am made. I've always felt this way.

I think god made a few of us like this. But not all lesbians hate men - and a good deal of straight women do. You conflate the two in categorizing the clearly bitter poster 'Diane' as a lesbian and I have to say I think you were a little unfair to her. She maybe have had some bad experiences with straight men perhaps? Maybe her mother had a hard time from her father?

However, I don't disagree that currently men generally are under attack from both a particualr section of unhappy straight women and the illuminati - and it must be almost intolerable for them with all this confusion.

I do really sympathize. But the dynamics between men and women wishing to be possessed and desired can also exist between same sex couples in a healthy way.

Please don't tarnish all of us homosexuals with the same brush - we are all fighting the same things and I hope we can continue to do it together, men and women, gay and straight.

Feminism ought to have emphasized the important vital nurturing qualities of women and their essential spiritual aspects, instead, it focussed disproportionately on some of the clear political wrongs that have been foisted upon women by patriarchy. Women are now finding themselves dissatisfied with the world of work and the emptiness of capitalism.

Many women are confused by this, both personally, emotionally and ideologically. Strange, difficult and confusing times for all of us.

Thank you for the interesting work you continue to do and you have many lesbian supporters who do not concretize the important issues you raise about the need for difference along starkly biological lines.



I try to say "gay activists" not gays and lesbians. I did call Diane a lesbian which may have been intemperate of me.

The problem is always the same, the organizations claim to speak for the group even though they don't have a mandate. Members of the group are too weak to challenge the organizations but not too weak to challenge the critics of what the organizations are doing.

Have you written to gay organizations? As long as we allow organizations or nations to speak for us without raising objections, we are going to be held responsible for what they do, whether we are gays or Jews or Christians or Freemasons or you name it.

None of these "progressive" movements have the goal they pretend to. Feminism is not really about improving the lot of women. They are trying to turn straights into gays and they are succeeding. It is deliberate subversion. See this article

I am prepared to believe a few homosexuals like yourself are born that way. You sound like a fine intelligent person and I will keep your words in mind.

Umi said (May 6, 2008):

I just wanted to say that I couldn't agree with you more. I recently got married and was actually criticized be several female friends for "giving in." As if by getting married I am naturally going to stop being an independent person and morph into a Stepford Wife. Joining forces with my husband and making a public commitment was a transformational opportunity. We are both Buddhist and be getting married we are taking one step closer to the two-becoming one. I referred all my critics to the Taoist representation of yin-yang.

Growing up in the "Sex and the City" generation I have felt incredibly frustrated by the lesbian-tinged media images. Lesbianism itself doesn't bother me. It's the pseudo-lesbianism that does. It is the idea that to get a man's attention you need to bait him by making our with your girlfriend at a local bar and then feigning disinterest upon approach. What? I think this shift is also reflected in popular pornography where both men and women are led to believe that "What men want" is to see two women grinding around in groups. There's a market for everything... but at some point you have to be able to step back and get in touch with what is really fulfilling to you and let the hype disintegrate on its own.

Just two cents from a loving wife who wants a husband to be the man he wants to be - and not play the role of my employee or sex-toy.

Jo said (May 6, 2008):

My husband and I when first married did posses each other. It was a good kind of possession. We belonged to each other.

He was an incredibly handsome Marine Corps pilot. I met him when he was an enlisted man and before he got his wings. We did it together, each step of the way. We were jealous of each other. Of course we felt we did belong to each other.

He always walked me down any street with him on the outside. Old fashioned but just one small thing of making me feel protected by him. I still have all the love letters he sent to me. We wrote a lot since he was away from home a good deal.

I know many women who simply hate men. Most are divorced women. They don't want to believe all men are not the same. So many of today's men have been raised by these kind of women. Vicious circle.

I did have much I had to deal with in my marriage. I am sure I was not the perfect wife. I was always true to my husband.

My husband had an affair on me. I received through the mail a letter he had written to a woman. She was in the military and stationed in Vietnam with him. It shook my world. When he got back from overseas we did work very hard on our marriage and we stayed together. However, the trust was gone and he had to take time and work in helping me to believe I could trust him again. So for 8 years of our marriage I did have a most possessive and trusting marriage but things changed after the affair.

Our marriage lasted over 50 years We always loved each other. We were close to our four adult children.

We did have a good life but any spouse who steps out of marriage and enjoys so called trust and love with another person is a spouse that I feel does not realize what lies ahead for them.

That possessiveness and loyalty and trust is truly what makes a marriage special and keeps it alive, to destroy this is like giving away the best gift you ever received.

H said (May 5, 2008):

I found a lot of your articles very interesting - I couldn't stop reading. As a woman in her early 30s who has been apparantly duped by the NWO brainwashing and come out on the other side entirely jaded, completely traumatized by sex and intimacy, and ready to give up altogether on relationships and live life alone, do you know of any books/websites that address these issues that us brainwashed-now-awake women can read to help us regain our sense of self?

I have recently broken off a 3 yr relationship with a man who deeply loves me because I cannot trust anymore (he has been rather brainwashed and emasculated himself). This has got to be an epidemic of massive proportions that psychologists are going to be in business for years to come.

If you have any suggestions let me know. I feel like I've lost myself and I can't find my way back. I really hate what society has become and now that I realize the damage done to my psyche, I feel hopeless.

Jennifer Rose said (May 4, 2008):

I read your article on "possession" in relationships. Loved the beginning, politically incorrect or not, I can personally relate & think that dynamic between male & female is not only natural, but beautiful.

What motivated me to write to you was a good portion of the rest of your article.......being a very romantic, old fashioned, intelligent,heterosexual, single 34yr young female, who loved Sex in the City.....I had to.

Where I live is very different from NYC, but the show is very
realistic as far as emotions having to do with love & sex, loneliness, friendship, having children, the heartbreak of not having children, & health issues......all of which we really have to deal with.....whether we "belong" to somebody or not. Go easy on those of us who don't, please.

I'm sooo tired of the struggle alone AND on top of that feeling awkward and/or pathetic in certain situations because I still don't have a ring on my finger or even a date.

I'm so tired of being ever so suddenly treated and/or looked at differently according to if I'm with a man & who he is.

I never thought it possible that I would be about to turn 35, w/o children, w/o a mate......but here I am.

I look so forward to being "his" and he "mine". I look so forward to having a safe & worthy place to put my love & my energy into. I look forward to taking care of him & him of me.

I'm a girl, sometimes irrational, overly emotional & hyper-sensitive, for the most part I'm soft/sweet, want to take care of you, in every way you want & have your babies......I'm also very strong, intelligent, independent & can kick butt as needed. I NEED A MAN WHO CAN HANDLE ALL THAT; a man who is just as strong or stronger because......... I LIKE TO FEEL LIKE A GIRL.

I admit it, I want my man to be a man & own me, I want him to be protective (but not too), want him to be rational when I'm not, I want "my man" to take care of things like my car, and I want him to covet me as his most prized possession, forever. Shucks....I even want him to be in charge but to greatly value my guidance. But he needs to be compassionate, nurturing & sensitve also, or it won't work.

We are leather and we are lace, all of us. Some girls have more leather, some boys more lace. Let's all just let each other be w/o the shame OR the guilt.
And screw being politically correct. That's all. I hope you read this.

Rene said (May 4, 2008):

It is my believe that instead of "Possessiveness" is Part of Marriage, the title should be "The urge to belong".

And may I share what always has been my basis for my excellent marriage;
"Marriage is a partnership where BOTH partners take full responsibility for each other, without taking away each others right to be".

And people ask me, to be what ?

My response always is; to be whatever a person can dream of, the very best they can be or just to be themselves.

Taking away their "right to be" equals suppression in my opinion.

Diane said (May 4, 2008):

I’m with you on the conspiracy in general, but I think you oversimplify feminism as being drummed up and controlled by the conspiracy. I believe that most of what is published by feminists is a product of the conspirator-controlled process of giving grant money to and/or publishing only those authors who further the purposes of the conspirators. But I also believe that feminism had an organic, legitimate birth, and I wish it had not been kidnapped by the elite, because there is a continual need for women to speak their truth and take a stand against the excesses of patriarchy that the world has been living with to a greater or lesser degree since the beginning of agriculture and city-states thousands of years ago.

I believe that authentic feminism is a necessary antidote to the toxicities of our patriarchal past. Some feminist, matriarchal principles must be incorporated into any future parentarchy (for lack of a better word) or we’ll end up back in the bad old days of the bad old patriarchy. This will not happen without a religious revolution.

I think that for civilization to progress from where we are now to where we need to be as a human race, men must learn to respect women in a way that patriarchal religion cannot allow them, let alone teach them, to do. Father-God religions, being dependent for their legitimacy on ancient patriarchal religious texts, will continue to perpetuate the toxicities of patriarchy. Belief in a sole Father-God as a metaphysical reality, however good He is conceived to be, is ultimately toxic to human society, because such belief makes no legitimate room for the Feminine in men’s souls. I hope that someday, Father-Gods along with Mother-Gods, understood by all as psycho-social myths or archetypes rather than as metaphysical reality, will orient human society in a psychologically healthy way.


Thanks for this intelligent letter. It makes more sense to me for males to represent father-gods and females to represent mother-gods than for the two to mix in one. This is why God created two sexes.


Dave said (May 4, 2008):

I'm 37 years old and divorced. I have been separated 5 years (divorced for 2). I have sole custody of my daughter who is exceeding my expectations in every way.

As she is approaching 12 and going out with friends, I am reevaluating my fears of dating. I have not attempted to date even once in the time that I have been on my own. My Ex wife fits the bipolar description perfectly and has affected what I foresee in any upcoming relationship with anyone else. I work in a horrible moral environment where 'players' and 'friends with benefits' are everywhere. I am disgusted with it all and they accuse me of being jealous of them.

Your articles give me hope that someone may still be out there for me. I read somewhere that to be normal is the new crazy. I think this is true.

I remember when I was younger, that an older male friend of mine would talk so confidently and knowledgeable, and I recall how comforting it seemed. Recently when I returned to my hometown, I sought out some of my old friends and when I met up with him again he was a shell of his former self. Depressed, confused and just pathetic. I took another look at myself and cross referenced it with your articles and I think that the equality movement really does remove what it is to be a male. It must be unappealing to women! The player jerks use the possessive appeal, use them then ditch them "in fun"; the women start to resent men, and those of us who would be normal and trying to do the right thing are alone.

Your articles are brutal in honesty and introversion (much like understanding Nietzsche) but the truth can be a little ugly. It is truth none the less.

Susanne said (May 4, 2008):

Women can do just fine without being possessed by some galoot who cannot even remember to tie his sneaks and take out the garbage by his "possessed" wife - the one who invented those demeaning "honey dos" that Jack so deplores.

Oh please, spare us your drivel Mr Make Kow about exposing feminism as some form of male undermining device. Young women (even the sex and city airheads) should be encouraged to achieve for themselves, make enough money to build a life, establish their own residence and keep out the possessive cowboys.

Beware of stray lassos. We need men to carry heavy things. So we might sleep with the mailman and the carpenter. Those guys help out. Women are not whores, unless they desperately need the money. Men are whores. By nature. They want to "possess" a wife and then screw around. We know you. So expose us. Think of us as tramps and fancy yourselves gentlemen farmers.



Lesbian perspectives are always welcome. Thank you.


Tina said (May 4, 2008):

You are absolutely right that women want to be possessed by men. Those who claim not are in denial of their own needs. In effect, I would equate love with a man possessing a woman and a woman allowing herself being possessed.

Now possessing a woman does not mean he will abuse her and take advantage of her. Rather, as he nurtures any of his own belongings with care, he looks after his most precious possession with same even more so, since she gives something that no other possession can give back and that is love.

David said (May 4, 2008):

It's difficult to be a 24 year old unfazed by the static and blessed with two loving parents. In our generation, so many people come from
broken families that it has become taboo to speak of the benefits of having married parents. That taboo is now turning into denial. When
we're told by every medium to be committed to non-commitment for the first 5-10+ of our sex lives, how is the necessary portion of the population going to make marriage work?

Having sex with someone you don't respect eats away at the best part of you. That deep down good
shit. Everyone has been convinced otherwise. After all, every magazine is full of sex tips and reasons you should be having more sex! Nevermind the quality of your relationship. It's comical.

No psychological damage at all! We promise! Most promiscuous young women get sick of feeling like a slut, then either find a relationship
with inferior men who worship them, vow eternal slutdom, or give up on men altogether. Of course, these rules don't apply to very beautiful
women. They can take their time growing up, or more commonly, don't at all.

Judy said (May 4, 2008):

Dear Henry: Thanks for the essay. I am 77 years old and have experienced many aspects of feminism, careers, etc. When I finally, at age 3l, found a man - good, honorable, principled, masculine but not wishy washy, not "sweet, not cute" Our relationship developed.

We exchanged complete love, we exchanged, if I may be so old fashioned, souls. He was my life. I wish there were some way to explain to young girls today the great beauty, the great fulfilment of surrender to a real man. We rode the cosmic waves together. My love softened him; his love gave me a fulfillment that can never come from any other source.

I once asked one of my classes (college level) during a discussion in the earlier days of the feminist assault, why they wanted to castrate men. What had they to gain? They were too young and inexperienced to understand. We are beginning to witness untold numbers of frustrated and bitter women who thought that career and self sufficiency were worthy goals. Now that they have experienced the reality of our savage culture, they may be having regrets.

Thanks for trying to get this message across. And tell young men, as I have tried to tell my stepson, don't take any "shit" from a woman. She loses all respect for you by your doing so. Be masculine, be strong. She'll come around eventually.

Gary said (May 4, 2008):

It seems so foreign to our culture to accept such a thing as a woman being the possession of her husband. Being a married man, I am fortunate to have an excellent wife, full of love and devotion.

My wife has grown (through much struggle) to understand that her submission, her giving herself to be my possession, is the greatest way to move and motivate me to be a loving and careful manager of my valuable possession. A well cared-for possession somehow becomes more beautiful over time, doesn't it?


Thanks Gary,

No two marriages are identical. Different people have different styles but I think the overall principle applies to many.


Candace said (May 3, 2008):

Henry, this is not what marriage is about, on an immature planet do people very possess others, or rather only immature people possess others, and your need to possess is glaring immaturity of your soul.

This need to possess or be taken care of as women go, is the need to feel completed, and exactly NO soul can effectively complete another.

Marriage will become truly enduring when two already complete people of similar nature and interests find one another, and this endures for life unless one fails in their soul growth.

This is what we must strive for on this planet, and both men and women need to get the point where, as a socail institution marriage becomes truly a partnership of 2 individuals who are already complete. ..

I know you don't like "feminism" but for a time its is necessary on this planet to bring it back to balance. Some day perhaps you will rise to an incarnation on a planet of hermaphrodites, where both bodies are the same, and either can bear the child.

That would be an interesting experience and they do exist. I agree two types of bodies exist on this one, but I don't agree that two types of soul exist.

There is only one, and it has nothing to do with sex of the body and hopefully on this forlorn little planet, one day that will be realized and the need to possess or be dependant on another will pass.

God bless those feminists, for they are sorely needed up on this place now. Get to know that wife better. Take care, Candace

not my fan said (May 3, 2008):

Dear Henry,

You guys haven't done such a marvelous job of running the world. I have five questions for you:

1. Why is it men like you need women to feel powerful by ownership when you can't feel adequately powerful on your own?

2. Who invented marriage anyway?

3. Why would a woman want to have children in a world where those children are fodder to be killed in wars designed by men? Is it so you can feel powerful?

4. Isn't it true that power is the greatest aphrodisiac?

5. Isn't your blathering posted on an admission of a self-defeating syndrome, where in men who don't feel powerful seek the power of the ownership of their own gonads?

A Loyal Rense fan, but not your fan.

Isaac said (May 3, 2008):

I almost never respond to anything anyone presents on, or any blog, because I heartily respect everyone's point of view. In the case of your most recent posting, I must disagree. I read this argument before, and it is almost unilaterally an idea put forward by men about women. It perpetuates a myth about the differences about men and women (actually, given anyone's conditioning, men and women are either equally jealous and possessive, or not.), and especially ignores the fact that we are ultimately spiritual in nature, and do not have an inherent 'gender.'

Most women writers are certainly more enlightened when it comes to relationship, and I recommend a book by Daphne Rose Kingma entitled "The Future of Love." I have no illusions or an agenda about changing your mind...only a hope to open it a little.

"ISAAC" -- I am amazed at your certainty that "we are spiritual in nature and have no gender." Then why aren't men having babies? I don;t think we can ignore our physical and psychological nature and expect to be happy.


Rick Sinai in New Orleans said (May 3, 2008):

Before I met my current mate back in late 80's, I dated a young woman who was a public school teacher.

I'll never forget the first hint that the relationship was doomed after holding a door open for her, on a date!

She gave me an evil glare and told me that me that I " know better" than to do that. I said very calmly that I hold the door open for everyone, regardless of gender, race, age. In New Orleans , at least in the South , I have found this to be a "common courtesy".

She then explained that she was card carrying liberal feminist. I naively thought still at that point in my life, okay , maybe I am some sort of "male chauvinist pig. "

On the next date I noticed her dour expression, and I asked her if anything was wrong. Her response was an attack that went like this: 'All of you MEN expect that every woman should smile at them, I am sick of this patriarchal society where every young woman is expected to paint their face, and be compliant, etc..." nauseum.

I knew then , the relationship was poisoned, and I broke it off. In our last conversation she revealed to me that she had a couple of recent " dreams" where she was having sex with a woman. What a revelation...

Growing up in my generation ( I am now in my mid-40's ) I have since encountered many such womYn (or the next incarnation, Grrls movement) like this and steered a wide berth.

Matt said (May 3, 2008):

I loved you latest article on possessiveness in marriage. My girlfriend read it and thought that you were only advocating a one way possession...that men possess the women. It didn't seem that way when I read it, and I was wondering what your opinion on that is. Do you think that there is a mutual possession? It would appear that would have to be the case for a true one flesh union to take place.

See also these scriptures:

"I am my lover's and my lover is mine" (Song of Solomon/Songs 6:3)
"I belong to my lover and his desire is for me" (7:10)
"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." (8:6-7)

"This is what Yahweh says: 'I am very jealous for Zion; I am burning with jealousy for her.'" (Zechariah 8:2)

God burns with jealousy for his people, and his people should only be devoted to Him. Mutual possession?

Matthew Kowalski

PS - Thanks for putting up a page with all the links to the outside articles that you post. Much appreciated!

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." - Jesus, Matthew 5:6



Thanks -it's a shame that your girl can't figure out that if she belongs to you, and you can only love one woman, you belong to her.


M said (May 3, 2008):

Great article as usual, Since Ive been reading your work it has really opened my eyes to the horrible situation feminism has put everyone in.

I am a 30 year old male, good looking. Im in excellent shape --been working out since the young age of 12. I own 3 businesses. I would love to get married and have a family but the women I've dated the last decade it seem like they all need conflict and turmoil in a relationship as if thats the way its suppose to be.

Most of them drink way too much and are obsessed with pop culture and spending. The last girl I dated was a christian, went to services twice a week. She waited until she was married to have sex at 21 years old. Well that marriage lasted 6 years and between the age of 27 and 29 when I met her, she had slept with 12 men and 3 women not to mention the group activity she had indulged in.

She thought it would make me like her even more if I knew she would pretty much do anything. She thought all guys should like it. She saw a shrink once a week and was on 3 meds for Bipolar ADHD and Bulemia. Wonder why she had to see a shrink and take all those meds? Im guessing it was the past stuff she had done, but hey she thought it was the cool thing to do.

Its extremely hard to find decent women to marry these days. What are men to do?

Andrew said (May 3, 2008):

You definitely know the secret (to Love & Marriage) which can liberate people from the insecurity of not knowing where their next "piece of ass" is coming from. They could get married and focus on productive things...

Consider how the "quiet elite" induced America's cognitive constipation. Indoctrination is teaching without inducing any thought process. Movies like "Sex And The City" are the perfect vehicle of cultural indoctrination without teaching people to think. In a movie we get involved with the plot and then identify with the hero or heroine. A good movie induces a "trance" of receptivity. The real sales pitch cannot begin until we think we're not buying anything. This is predictive programming, so when things turn out like in the movies--it seems so familiar that we don't resist. We believe that we are just watching a movie, but the people who write the script and select the images are experts at indoctrination.

In movies we learn NWO nonsense, but we don't learn how to think, thus America's cognitive constipation and an abysmal lack of curiosity.

Dawn said (May 3, 2008):

The best book I've read about male and female roles is "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. It is written to men, but even the author admits that women who have dads, husbands, sons, or brothers really need to read it. It was literally life-transforming for me as a married woman with 4 sons and I have been able to mentor other women from the lessons I learned in this book.

The crux of the book is that from the time of being a little boy, men want to know one thing, "Do I have what it takes?" Eldredge says that "Feminity cannot confer masculinity." Therefore, if the father doesn't help the son feel he has what it takes (something that historically has come through initiation rites), men
unwittingly go to a woman to get their
validation--which is futile because, again,
"femininity cannot confer masculinity."

While my sons still continued to share with me about their lives, when they moved into their later teens, they started to become hostile whenever they expressed a problem and I tried to "help". They would shrug off my hugs and I took it personally, wondering what had happened to our relationship. I learned through this book that when I tried to help, they interpreted my
actions as my lack of confidence in their ability to "conquer" the problem. Their attitudes toward me completely turned around once I began to just "listen" and cheer them on. "Hey, let me know how that goes."

Now they don't shrug away my hugs because they know I am just expressing my affection for them, rather than "comforting" them. I respect their manhood.

Eldredge makes the point that if their fathers did not confirm that they have what it takes, men need to recover their masculine heart-- "defined in the image of a passionate God". It is man's nature in the image of God to be wild (in a good sense).

Unfortunately, if men are not initiated by their
fathers, they sometimes mistakenly make the woman
their adventure and seek validation of their
masculinity from her. The woman doesn't want to be the adventure, she wants him to take her on the
adventure at his side. I would contend that it makes it difficult for a couple to move forward when their possession of one another is not established. There is always doubt or "stuff" to deal with that detracts from a unified step forward. If the man must continue
to pursue the woman, in quest of "oneness" or mutual possession, there will be no time (or energy) to seek the real adventure together.

Young men have fewer opportunities to develop courage and self-reliance. Why is it that moms try to prevent their sons from engaging in daring activities, but encourage their girls to try to break into boys' sports teams. (Yeah, that's what we need to help train women for marriage--a competitive spirit!) With their hovering protection, moms steal their sons'
abilities to fight their own battles--battle practice they need for the future to make their wives and families secure and confident in their leadership.

Dads have been pushed out of child-rearing, or are
expected to connect through their feminine side
(huh?!) if they take any significant part. Single
parent homes (ie, headed by women) are raising a wimpy generation of men who are unhappy because they are
left with trying to get validation from women. They
are punished for, or altogether prevented from,
attempts to recover their masculine heart. The
genuine masculine heart is not abusive, but strong and
protective. Men have broad shoulders for a reason.
Women are drawn to men who have this quality of
strength and passion under self-control, whether they
will admit it or not. If women reject this, they can
continue to take on roles that are exhausting,
unfulfilling, and even detrimental, while they go on
regarding men as incapable. The makers of anxiety
drugs are, in fact, counting on them to do so.

The women of our church do not meet in groups
separated by age and interest. A full mentoring
experience is, therefore possible, where women who
actually know something about life and how to love
their husbands and children (literally a dying breed) are accessible to younger women who (sorry to say) when left to their own devices, tend to establish complaining sessions--degrading "home"making (because of their loss of vision) and expressing disrespect for their husbands' intelligence and importance in the role of leading the family.

Through mentoring, our women have become very
sensitive to the OVERstepping of womanhood in
leadership roles. I think these women have learned that part of loving their husbands is respecting them.

We are now relishing the wonderful things that can happen when we "get out of the way" of men with the passion and strength of their masculine hearts. We are freed up to enjoy our own best feminine hearts, the fruits of which have gone wanting too long.

For Father's Day, the church has ordered enough copies of Wild at Heart for all the men 18 and over, made possible by a great organization on the web which has made this extremely affordable:

Lisa said (May 3, 2008):

As a greying, tubby, middle-aged mom of many, I felt "undesirable" and reluctant in intimacy because of who in society I have to compete with for my husband's "approval," until he said, "No, I WANT to be with you because you're MINE." So because I am HIS (and the photoshopped supermodel is not) and the mother of HIS, he loves ME and truly wants to be with me. That is liberating.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at