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Wife Laments Effect of "Technology" on her Family

January 14, 2012


filipinamom.jpg"Margaret" is a devout Filipina ,32, with three young children married to a Chinese man in Australia. Eloquently she bemoans how smart phones and the Internet have robbed marriage and family life of intimacy and provided many opportunities for infidelity. (Pic is not Margaret) 


by Margaret
(henrymakow.com)



I love your website Henry. I am always learning new things about what is going on in the world. However I just have something to tell you about technology ( tv, cellphones, computers, etc.)

I think it is more used to break than to make. I am married with 3 children and I am dying inside because of what technology is doing to my husband and to our relationship. He is always on the computer. If it were possible for him not to sleep he wouldn't.

He is always busy blogging and reading rubbish things (he is Chinese and I am Filipina.) I am telling him to read useful websites but to no avail. When he is not on the computer, he is watching TV or talking on his cellphones.

There are Chinese dating/ chatting sites. He has many secrets in his e-mails. I got a peak when he accidentally forgot to log out. There's just too many to mention.

I just felt like he is a prisoner of this tech thing and it is really taking precious times away from us. It is like a vice or a habit and it enticement for people who can't control themselves.

We live in Australia. We have 3 girls ages 5, 4 and 18 months. Technology has some benefits; but it is more like a devils' tool to break a family ( or an individual) . My husband has a job; he is a good man but I feel he is not faithful emotionally, and this kills me because I am a very emotional person.

I know that although we are married, we still need some sense of privacy ( like email passwords.... ) but I distrust my husband not just because I am suspicious but because I have proven many times that i can't trust him.

I hate this security stuffs. I particularly hate the iPhone he can receive Chinese texts which I do not understand. He locks his phone. I never used to put password because I do not hide anything, I found out he has a Facebook page using different name and he is not telling me, ( what for?) I don't have one.

I married a man 22 years my senior because I thought he can take care of me especially emotionally. I thought he will be more mature. He claims to be a Christian... I married him because I thought he is a real Christian, sometimes when I read articles on your website about men who are good wanting a woman's respect, my heart is saying 'hey I am here!' but it is too late for me.

I wish my husband will be like those men. I am treating him the way a husband should be treated, the way the Bible describes how it should be. I am his 4th wife, and I only knew that when we were married. He only told me when we were courting he had one wife before and a child ( don't ask me how many children he has, the facts are terrible.)

I was deceived from the beginning; we're married for almost 7 years now, I am holding on but the rope that binds us is so thorny.

Help me pray. I never told my demise to any of my family and friends, nor church mates. I feel it's so embarrassing. I thought I would write to you because I needed to vent out.

When people see me I have a smile on my face but inside I am crying and sulking. I respect him despite all; I never badmouthed him to anyone. When me and my friends talk about our husbands, I said ' yeah he is sweet, gives me the time I need.'

Surely I lied and it's wrong but I love him still that I can't smear his dignity. But his disloyalty has smeared mine many times. I wish we lived on an island, just me, him and the kids and there's no tv, computer or cellphones.

I want your male readers to know that there are still a few good women  out there. I can't leave him being a Christian; I don't want the kids to grow up without their father (he is a good father at least.)

I just feel empty; his past haunts me. I need to be prayed for too.  I am 32 years old by the way, I am so honest with him that when there were men who asks me (expressing interests) I tell him everything.

When I married him, I closed my eyes to everyone, vowing to be faithful. sometimes I want to disassociate...( I am thinking of a man in my mind who loves me and appreciate me and the things I do) but I am avoiding it, because it is wrong.

Thanks also for reading just happy to know someone knows what's happening to me, God knows but I just want to hear His voice, but the hurts are preventing me to, thanks also for keeping my identity, thanks also for all your feminine articles at least I have a clue how to properly raise my girls. God bless!


 



Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Wife Laments Effect of "Technology" on her Family "

Rob said (January 15, 2012):

Dear Margaret,

As a reader of Henry's site for a long time, I always lurk and very
seldom respond, but your story touched a nerve with me. I myself have been married 3 times and have two young sons in their teens.

It is only 5 years ago that I discovered that "Christian" does not mean Christian and I wish to offer you some encouragement and not advice.

My current wife whom I have been with now 11 years does exactly what you explain, she gives me support and she honours and respects me the way the Bible prescribes, but she does does not cower away from the point of my Biblical responsibility towards her and our family. Remember that we as husbands are told to love our wives as we love our own flesh and as Christ loves His church, so much that He was prepared to give His life.

You should speak to your husband in loving tenderness but in the truth of Christ and tell him these things - you should not fear that he will retaliate, he will, if he is guilty. You should remind him of Galatians 5 and Corinthians 13, if he refuses, he has serious spiritual problems and he will have to address the issue.

Do not speak to female friends regarding these things, but go to your church and speak to your pastor - this is infidelity, spiritual, mental and emotional. I for one, have realised the wonderful blessing of a Godly bond between a man and a women, but it has to be on God's terms, not yours and your husband's.

Be strong and have faith that He who started your salvation will finish it - We will keep you in our prayers that you will have the courage and faith to stand in this and that God in His mercy will give your husband a "wakeup call". I know the frustrations of living in the X-Box generation, but it is even more frustrating to see men who are supposed to lead their families be trapped in this rubbish.


Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at