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I Wasn't Born Gay & Didn't Choose It

April 7, 2012

Steve Abrams, 51, understands what caused his homosexuality and resents that society and gay activists lied to him. Society has descended to the point where the State is actually foisting a developmental disorder on its citizens.  

"As an adult and after great pain (I am HIV positive) I realize everything that I thought I was and was told I was is a enormous lie....[Homosexuality] is not a choice. It is a compulsion brought on by an arrested development. It then becomes an addiction like an alcoholic or drug user."

by Steve Abrams

I suppose you could say that I am a recovering homosexual. I'm not fully recovered, but I don't think calling myself a homosexual would be correct. 

a better description for me is someone with homosexual tendencies.  You see, I don't believe anyone is born gay and I say this with great pain because my journey or life has not been a happy one. 

A lot of people who believe they were born this way say they are happy with it and maybe they are but that doesn't make it right.  A lot of people are happy with their condition but I am not.

Even while living as a gay man in the gay community, I always felt uneasy about it but couldn't express it to other gay people as I would be accused of being a traitor or giving into the Christian mindset.

But my story has to be told because I believe other people with homosexual tendencies are also not happy with it, and also cannot express what they feel.  I think we are in the minority though.  Here is my story in brief:

As a young kid I was pretty bright and innocent but I was also weak.  I had no strong father figure or role model to identify with, so I identified with the strongest influence in my life, my mother and various women.

I took on their identity and lost my male identity.  I believe there is such a thing as a male spiritual identity, not in a macho or pejorative sense.

When I took on the identity of a woman I became like them and lost touch with my own identity. Consequently, my path to God was disrupted.  I was not sexually abused as a child so I don't think that was the reason I became this way, though I think some children are and they may become a homosexual. This depends, I believe on the child itself.

My father died when I was 5 years old. My mother who had anger and mistrust towards men due to her own upbringing projected these feeling onto a weak child who then identified with his mother's feeling and rejected the masculine or male identity within. 

I believe this the root cause of homosexuality. There are other causes, but this is the main one.  As I got older, around 10 or 11 years old, I began to look at men in a sexual way.

This of course disturbed me, but I didn't understand what had happened to me. It caused confusion and conflict which I have felt ever since.  Now I understand it.

As an adult and after great pain (I am HIV positive) I realize everything that I thought I was and was told I was is a enormous lie.

I have read with great interest on various sites about the Illuminati. It makes sense that wicked people with power and money want to control everyone. The best way to do this is by destroying the family, particularly the relationship between children and their fathers. 

Society in general is accepting the propaganda & brainwashing.   Even Conservatives and Christians do not understand entirely what is going on.

Everyone is lost.  But strangely, Conservatives and Christians seem to be more lost because they should know better but they don't. 

Many Christians know homosexuality is wrong but they don't understand the reasons why.

They usually say things like "It's a choice!" and I can speak from experience. It is not a choice. It is a compulsion brought on by an arrested development. It then becomes an addiction like an alcoholic or drug user.

At present I am in a Civil Partnership with a man so that has been a problem for me as my thinking and view of the world has changed. This was only done for financial reasons anyway and we live like brothers really, I mean no physical relationship.  He accepts this. 

Strangely he does agree with me on certain things like marriage is for heterosexual couples and that children raised by a man and woman have a better start in life. He also agrees that there is too much political correctness and that freedom of speech is important whatever their opinion, so maybe there is hope for him as well.

I am now a 51 year old man who has wasted his life with periods of great torment and feeling lost in a world gone mad. But waking up to the truth is better late than never!

It disturbs me to see how society has been brainwashed to accept the homosexual agenda.  I also think we, as a society. are to blame for giving up our principles and accepting it.  It's now time for society to wake up!!

I don't know if there is hope for me to recover and lead the life God meant for me but I feel this article is a good first step.


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Comments for "I Wasn't Born Gay & Didn't Choose It "

Mike said (April 9, 2012):

Of all the "afflictions" one may be born with, homosexuality is the one that no-one would voluntarily choose, but surely it's just not important, other than to the individual concerned; look at the real problems in the world today - millions die for want of basics like clean water or enough food while governments fight wars rather than try to help people. What a fucked up world.



You are missing the point. The PTB are trying to make homosexuality the norm. This is very socially destructive.

Homosexuality is caused by how your were treated before the age of three.
I'm not sure you know why you are attracted to males.


Dave said (April 9, 2012):

I read your article. In it you had expressed that you had tested HIV positive. There is some good news in that HIV may not be associated with what is called AIDS at all. Goolge "Peter Duesberg", a researcher who believes AIDS is a hoax, just like so many other lies. It originally started in the homosexual community when gays used Amyl Nitrate that caused Karposis Sacrcoma.

A culprit had to be found so HIV was blamed, rather than correctly blaming Amyl Nitrate. But HIV in itself is a harmless retrovirus. There are many other harmless retroviruses in humans. Later the extremely toxic drug AZT was resurrected to treat HIV, and that caused much of what is called AIDS symptoms. Money was made from treatments and causing disease. AIDS figures were always inflated to get more money for AIDS research. Most of what is labled AIDS in Africa is not even HIV, it is just symptoms of variuos other diseases and malnutrition. Do not take drugs to treat HIV, like AZT. It is the Judas kiss of death. It is just like the immunization hoax that actually causes many diseass including Autism. Henry, you should research the whole "Peter Duesberg" AIDS conspriracy, and write an article on it.

Steve, thanks for writing. I wish you the best of luck in life. I am not gay, and don't have a dog in this fight other than trying to help pass on knowledge that could possibly be beneficial to humanity, just like you have.

Jim said (April 8, 2012):

I can relate to the struggle Steve is facing. My heart breaks from him because I know first hand the tumult that is within his soul. The pull toward homosexuality is strong. There is a lot of inner turmoil and confusion as one grapples with being attracted to a person of the same sex. At one point in my life I was ready to give myself over to living the life of a gay man but by the grace of God I decided against it. I am 49 years old and haven't had homosexual relations for more than 30 years but it hasn't been an easy decision.

Steve is right when he says that homosexuality is not a choice but I think a better way of saying it is homosexual feelings are not a choice. No, I didn't choose to be attracted to other men. But I have chosen to not have sex with them. There is a difference.

If God would have allowed me to choose the affliction I was to be cursed with, I can guarantee you that it would not have been a same sex attraction. You will never find a group that applauds a person for being an alcoholic or a drug addict. However, there are literally thousands of groups that applaud and promote homosexuality as a good and wonderful thing.

There is a war that rages within our hearts which divides us from what we know is right from what we feel. The two never mesh and can make us feel like we're going crazy. Eventually, we will decide which way to go. A choice has to be made otherwise there will be no peace. But one choice offers more peace than the other.

Like Steve, my life has been a long and arduous journey but with the help of my church pastor and supportive friends I am now able to accept that, like it or not, homosexual feelings are a part of my life and that it will never completely go away. While there is always room for introspection and personal growth, I am now OK with who I am...homosexual feelings and all. I no longer beat myself up for being attracted to another man. Because, after all, it's just a feeling, right?

PS: Here is a link to a Christian ministry which put me on the road to recovery from homosexuality. They offer a variety of online courses to help men and women overcome their enslavement to addictions and live healthy spiritual lives.

Will said (April 8, 2012):

"To Don and Steve, the author,

As one former self-identified gay man told me, there are many, many reasons why men and women develop homosexual attractions. Resentment of one's father is just one of them. I think we should not go for just one answer or the most simplistic answer. Some involve infantile trauma and abandonment issues that affect a baby's relation to itself. Others are emotional and sexual trauma, absent , abusive or detached mothers and fathers. And yes, there is a small percentage where it is hormonally based.

As a Christian I believe that the majority of men and women can be reshaped through the power of God, and certain modalities of therapy. But the reality is that most men and women do not choose to develop same sex attractions, but the good news is that these compulsions can be lessened and natural affections can develop for the majority of people, if they want it."

Greg said (April 8, 2012):

The penny dropped upon reading Steve's letter regarding his homosexual tendencies.

I've found in speaking with others, and experienced in my life, the need to go back on any decisions made which set a course that didn't pay off.

I need to renounce in the open, and repent towards God for the decision made. Then HE gets permission to be involved, and makes it attainable.

I have been healed from much. It changed my life and I don't feel the same now. My instinctive thinking has changed. My "hard drive has been reformatted".

To the intellectually minded God made a "mechanism" for reconciliation with himself through Jesus' death and the offering of his own blood for our sins.

To the more simply minded (like myself) Jesus died in my place.
This opens the door for God's grace to be applied personally to my life so I can do God's will.

He wants me well, and able to do his will, and applies all his power towards this end.

If I really believe him in my heart, it takes all the worry out of life.

We must get back to basics with God Almighty. To times before religion.

As we do, He will make a way for those who try their best to do what he wants.

Julian Lee said (April 8, 2012):

Beautifully brave letter, Steve.
Henry's open stand against the gay agenda shows him up as one of the few heroes we have left,
and one of the real men left holding a pen.

Don said (April 7, 2012):

Dear Steve - Thank you for writing your column for Dr. Makow. I am sure that it will help many others who are in a similar situation. I write to you now with the perspective that homosexuality is indeed a choice; one that involves resenting your father. Your use of the word " compulsion " is very important in that while your resentment was a choice it can be extremely difficult to recognize this when you are actually " on the battlefield;" i.e.; in the midst of the emotional trauma(s) of your life which make an objective vision of your situation extremely difficult to obtain. The Enemy of God; " the most subtle in the garden;" can trick us to make a choice without realizing that we have done so.

I would like to suggest that you investigate the work of Roy Masters of the Foundation of Human Understanding. Specifically he has developed an observation exercise which I believe can aid you greatly in your recovery. I am thankful for your recovery to this point and pray that our Creator will give you His grace so that you may be fully healed.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at