When I recall my mental habit of looking for a woman
as the "key" to my happiness
and masculine development -- I feel both duped & stupid.
by Henry Makow Ph.D.
I got 637,000,000 links just now when I googled "relationships."
The first one, from Psychology Today, begins: "For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives."
This is our PRIMARY brainwashing, delivered by Hollywood. The plot is always: find love, have sex, live happily ever after. "Love" is the religion. Sex is the holy sacrament.
We are programmed to be co-dependent. Every song is a variation of "you are my sunshine" and "I can't live without you!"
When I consider the energy I expended in this quest for "meaning", I feel betrayed. Especially considering how stupid, deceitful and vain some of the women were.
When I recall my mental habit of seeing women as the "key" to my happiness and masculine development- I feel both duped and stupid.
I expect many people have found "meaningful relationships." Finally, even I derive considerable satisfaction from my marriage.
But "most meaningful element in my life"?
No, I wouldn't jeopardize it with such expectations.
The problem isn't with my "relationship." Romantic relationships were not designed to be "the most meaningful element in our lives."
Romance should be a small but important part of our lives. Maybe 25% for men; 50% for women. (Yes, I believe women should have more invested in love.)
WHAT ELSE IS THERE?
Our relationship to God, i.e. our ideals (personal and social) should be number one. Rewarding and satisfying work should come next. Our children and friends. Then, there is a plethora of activities: sports, hobbies, arts, intellectual interests, projects ... You get the picture.
We are brainwashed to see romance as a panacea. These ridiculously high expectations sabotage our chances.
Romantic love is usually a delusion divorced from the practicalities of actually cohabiting with someone. It's a form of idolatry induced by the instruments of mass hallucination. No wonder so many relationships fail.
Carl Jung said that when we reject God, we must create false Gods. They take away God in order to deceive us with false Gods. Communism was an example. Romance is another.
Society worships Beautiful Women. It is a cult. Women pour all their energy into looking "hot" and pretending to be something they're not.
People connect on the basis of sexual attraction. But for sex, they wouldn't give each other the time of day.
What could possibly go wrong?
Generally, in romance, we are really looking for someone to give us ourselves. No one can do that but us, by setting personal goals and achieving them.
God is the principle of our self-development - the ideal within. Ultimately, it's about liking ourselves.
What do you think? Are "relationships" overrated or not?
First Comment by Juan (from Spain):
I think that "relationships" and romantic love are idolatry
that move away men from the main goal of human life, that is to worship
We know that Jewish Kabbalah introduced a lot of deviances in the
West, but this way of idolatry called romantic love wasn't created by
any Jew... Western Europeans created it in the Middle Ages idolizing the
woman in the, so called, Courtly Love.
Medieval Courtly Love and idolatry of the woman evolved from Early modern period and Renaissance to the Age fo
revolutions, crystallizing finally in modern/actual romantic love. We
can find the west european romantic love expressed in literature in
medieval and Renaissance heroic novels (Romance), in W. Shakespeare
or in J. W. Goethe (his character Werther even commit suicide for a
woman and in his "Faust" the main character is saved by the Eternal
Feminine, that is the Godess).
On the opposite, most effective and
pertinent criticism to this stupid and empty idolatry came from M. de
Cervantes "Don Quixote", that is an hilarious mockery of Courtly Love
and its values.
Romantic love and obsession with women is used today to destroy
manhood, because the males are indoctrinated to worship the woman.
Females are indoctrinated to worship themselves.
Never existed Courtly Love from women to men (the perfect man in the
West is the man that worship the woman) and, at least in Europe, a
lot of pop songs for young males are about "you're my life, my sunshine,
I cannot live without you, etc." but the songs for young women are
about "I'm strong enough, I needn't you, I can't bear you anymore, I
will survive, etc."
From its beginning Courtly Love demanded we idolize the woman and be
submissive to her.
What's the truth? I think that is realistic love, that is love God
with the whole heart, with the whole soul and with the whole mind
(worship God) and try to build healthy and pertinent relationships with
another people. Don't idolize human beings or seek hapiness from
them. If you have nothing and you have God, you'll be happy but if you
have everything (health, money, marriage, kids) and you don't have God
in your life and you don't fight for God, you'll be empty.