"A Deathless Suicide": Man Regrets Sex Change
January 27, 2010Venus envy. Feminism made him hate being male so much, he tried to become a female.
Hi again Dr. Makow...
My first letter just started off as a quick note to say I agree with you and I tried to include some of the factors attributable from my perspective.
There have been a lot of dark years as God had put a hole in my bucket. Once you start down this road it gets screwy. To me it all seems important.
I'm sure you know the forces that promote this type of choice, and why they do.
I now know that you can't make a silk purse from a sows ear, and there are vast physiological differences in the structure of the body and mind. But you are like in a magic spell and think that it can be overcome.
One thing that is positive in a way is there is a lack of a sex drive which makes me feel transcended from the battle of the sexes, but i feel like I am cheating at life, or cheated too ,but of equal measure.
Somewhere in my head I was thinking some guy would have been glad to find me and treat me as I would have treated a woman because I wouldn't be a bitchy feminist.
But in reality that could never be. A woman is a different creature altogether and I am still awkward around certain ones. Also I feel like a criminal because I am not on their wavelength mentally anyway, and in the case of men I feel like a criminal because if I fool them it can cost me my life.
There is a point where you have to explain, "I had this operation "and you get really scared to see what kind of reaction you will get. I had a couple of men wanted to kill me. One openly and one subtly.
Or there is always someone who picks up on it, or maybe more and at the point I am at they won't just up and say it to my face.
eg. I was looking for a Renee Richards quote but came across Christine Daniels/Mike Penner Photos. Half the time this person passes and half the pictures it's obvious what we are seeing.
A taboo novelty taken too serious. Venus Envy.
My operation was in Thailand and the women (and nurses) there actually acted like women and dressed like women. (Very few in pants) and I cried there in the hospital bed when I was going through with this, thinking maybe had I joined the military or something I might have met a real woman in a foreign land that wasn't subjected to the psychological assaults here in North America.
I think it is criminal to teach children this is a viable lifestyle in schools.I have seen a lot of unhappy people in the "alternative lifestyle" scene.
There are much more important things in life than the clothes you wear for sure.
In a perfect world I would be allowed to speak at schools but my message would be about as welcome as yours.
It's also criminal to kill innocent people with remote control airplanes (drones), make merchandise of men in privatized prisons, drug children with made up diagnoses and torture people etc. but in this world we live in today as you know, are the days where men call good evil, and evil good.
I lost my identity and as one matures it's kind of a nice thing to have intact, and I pity the young males having to go through the minefields of trying to maintain their manhood because the sociological atmosphere is even more polluted.
Since I have studied Kinsey and his backers,cult psychology, and eugenics and I was a sucker that did my bit for the population control gang.
But they are good at what they do and like all of us I was raised in captivity watching that TV.
So ...I don't know if this is what you had in mind as far as conclusions.
These days I try not to think too much about it.
But as when I wrote you initially I just wanted to say you are on the right track,and I wish I was able to read something akin to what you write today 20 years ago.
Best Regards to you !
Excerpts from Susan's First Letter:
I am a casualty of the war on males and have had a sex change operation due to projected feelings of inadequacy.
It's a shame I was so gullible and suggestible.
The barrage of Kinsey's philosophies,and the thesis antithesis synthesis shows of the time i.e: Donahue, Oprah,et al Growing up around "liberated" women I felt like a monster. I had been averse to the homosexual lifestyle, and don't even know how I ended up like this in retrospect.
Well not really....TV & popular culture were a factor.
The Venus envy spell dissipated not long after the operation.
It was like a spell one wakes up from and envy is a deadly sin.The women I had known had been under the spell of feminism and I was open minded to the point self-hatred for being a male.
They call what I have done "The deathless suicide".
I was not the run of the mill transsexual. I had been a "hostess"at large regular parties at a large Chicago dating service (2500 members of an all lifestyles private club) before there was the internet, and had gone to all the big Chicago nightclubs,working at some and (in that persona) I was no longer invisible.
I have seen the dark underbelly of the gay and transsexual lifestyles and now would warn anyone contemplating such not to even think about it. It's sad to see the promotion of destructive lifestyles by government and media.They know what they are doing.
The media touted Christine Jorgenson (whom I had met briefly in person in 1984)and Rene Richards promotion of escapism for the chauvinistic pig I was alleged to be hit a chord with me. The media doesn't promote Rene Richards current view which coincides with my own now.
I was set to try and prove that if they wouldn't or couldn't be women....I would do the job myself ! Show how it's done ! (so to speak) which was pretty nutty as a great number of transsexuals I had encountered were merely twisted caricatures of the women that didn't exist anymore after women's liberation.
I have no associations with the gays or transsexuals for many many years now as it is a very sad lifestyle that rings so hollow.
Of course it's not as open and shut,or simple as stated above and there are a lot of other factors,but this path has let to a lot of self analysis, introspection,and left me with a lot of time to research what the heck happened to me here.
There is a plethora of personal and media,and societal induced elements that gets one to this point, but after finally writing you it's just too much to even know where to begin.
There is penis envy and Venus envy.
Whereas I abhor greed and violence,and other injustices inflicted on humankind I came to the conclusion that envy that I was sucked into was every bit the same type of aberration.
Now I'm a neither. Also neither bitter, nor happy with what has been done. Whats done is done. The cost was high to buy into this superficial feminized "panacea".
But you are right on in your observations and of course this is not what the world in its present state of confusion is interested in... I wish you all the best in your quest to Save The Males, and thought it a good idea to reinforce your efforts as a casualty of this war on them.
May God Bless you and keep you in your work !
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Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at