I Married a Lesbian
May 24, 2011
Left, extremely rare and hard-to-find image of lesbians who aren't extremely hot.
Regular contributor Dan Abshear looks back on his 20-year-marriage to a lesbian.
by Dan Abshear
While being married to a lesbian for 20 years was painful, it actually made me a better person.
I met my ex-wife when I was about 14 years old. We grew up in the same small town in Missouri. She and I are 4th cousins as well.
She took an interest in me when I was 21 years old. She called me when I was home on leave while serving in the U.S. Navy. This was the first time I ever had any girl call me for a date. Because of this, I canceled a date I had another girl. We got married three years or so after this first date.
Coming from a rather abusive and broken family myself, I was determined to have a very moral and meaningful marriage with my wife.
My marriage is called a mixed orientation marriage, and millions exist in the United States alone. Most are unknowingly married to homosexual men, and the rest of us are or were married to homosexual women.
I mean, think about it: How do you really know about the sexual orientation of your spouse? Not all of us have gay-dar that is sharp enough to detect such a deception.
However, one thing that should be obvious to any man in my situation is that your spouse is unresponsive to you, sexually and otherwise. As such, I found myself trying to discover why. Her being a lesbian was the furthest thing from my mind, at least during the first few years of our marriage. So I immediately starting asking myself, 'why is my wife, who I loved so much, ignoring me?
Initially, I thought my wife was not attracted to me, physically. She was sexually impotent with me, and this puzzled me. So, I began to exercise very aggressively and intensely. This would include such activities as weightlifting and long distance bicycling.
While rather puny when I got married, I developed into quite a attractive and sturdy young man. This was all to please my wife and gain her affection. I improved my diet and continued these exercise habits until the age of 40.
Since this didn't increase her intimacy toward me, I began to wonder if she wanted me to make more money. The first six or so years of our marriage, I barely made more than minimum wage. We were very poor, and in debt.
So, I somehow became a corporate executive with one of the largest and most respected pharmaceutical corporations in the world. Soon after this, my lesbian spouse and I were set, financially. Unfortunately, this was not the answer to her lack of affection towards me, either.
My last hope at discovering why my lesbian spouse was so apathetic was that I was not treating her the way I should. Now, I was a patient caregiver for about a dozen years- I always thought I was one of the nicest and caring individuals that existed.
But, I was determined to discover why my wife was so emotionally vacant. So, I tried to become a more gentle and effective lover with her. In addition, I tried very hard to assure her of my own love.
I'd kiss her, and really mean it, with my love for her. I'd be very polite with her always- a gentleman constantly. Unfortunately, this transformation did not alter her behavior towards me.
In the years that followed, I noticed my wife taking what I view as an unusual interest in other women. In fact, I would classify her relationships with some other women as intimate. To this day, I do not know if my wife had sexual relationships with those women.
So the year is now 2003, and my wife has yet to acknowledge her homosexual tendencies. We are raising our daughter at this point, so her behavior towards other women was becoming even more of a concern. I insisted that she seek professional help.
She only saw a psychiatrist and therapist a few times. She never confided in me so I visited the same psychiatrist. He told me that my wife was in fact a lesbian, and that it would destroy me in time if I did not divorce her.
It is now the year 2005. At this point, I was not really shocked. By 2006, I had given up on our relationship. Rather than act , I just shut down almost completely. My career ended, and I stopped exercising.
Interestingly, our sex life actually improved a great deal. It appears that my knowing she was a lesbian may have given her some freedom.
I suffered from severe depression and took refuge in prescription drugs. My wife finally ended our marriage - and she did so by falsely accusing me of domestic violence.
When you love something, or someone, you will discover their secrets.
My now ex wife never hated me for anything I ever did to her. In fact, I was a damn good husband and father. She hates me to this day for what I know about her. And my ex wife has yet to disclose to anyone that she is a lesbian. She continues to live this lie.
My ex wife presently has a boyfriend in order to continue the concealment. It's likely that's why she married me in the first place. I do not know this boyfriend but I already feel the pain that he may experience.
Today, I'm in a relationship with another woman, who immediately gave me what my wife of decades never did- love and intimacy that can be felt and heard.
Also today, I'm recovering from drug abuse, and the many years of emotional abuse from my ex wife. I will recover. I will mend.
Also by Dan Abshear
Living in a Car After False DV Charges
MD$ On the Take: My Career-Ending Expose
Hitting Bottom: A Personal Story
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Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at