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Should Married Men be Allowed to Cheat?

May 23, 2013

Extra-Marital Affair 1.jpg
James raises the problem of boredom in marriage.
He says men are programmed to seek variety, and should be allowed some slack. I welcome reader feedback and will give my own later.

by James

Agree with all you say here, about marriage and the man-woman bond.

The trouble with marriage is that after some time boredom sets in. It seems unavoidable, in most marriages. Have never seen this discussed here, though. The fact that man is naturally polygamous seems to have something to do with it. And isn't it God who made us that way?

dond.jpg(TV's #1 philanderer, Madmen's Don Draper)

Yet our cultural "leaders" have carefully crafted movies and TV shows of happy marriages, in which one little misstep or fling by the husband with another woman becomes fodder for the most terrible of dramas and tantrums by the wife that inevitably must lead to divorce and family break-up. That has developed into something of a subversive standard formula the TV Jews have foisted on people (with a litany of other family destroying machinations).

Why not be a little more forgiving with men who have a romp in the hay out of the house? Most men still love their wives and family and would never think of abandoning them. Mankind has been like that for millions of years and it hasn't changed yet since we became "civilized". We can either be honest about it or sweep it under the rug.

I know the purists will be outraged about this but never mind their torpedoes and accusations of promoting Sodom and Gomorrah. This is meant to honestly explore whether - absent the artificial formula of the TV b*stards - it could save families that (almost unnecessarily?) break up.


I  speak from personal experience, but more so also from observation of others. Besides, I wanted to know it from the horse's mouth. A number of years ago I asked more than 50 women the same question.

It went like this: You live in a tribe with a strong and good leader, clearly the best man. You have to choose to have kids from one of the regular guys in the tribe and have him all for yourself. Or you could be one of the wives of the leader and have kids from him. But you share him with other women. He is not exclusively yours.

I expected some kind of contest between the two positions. Surprise, not one woman wanted to have kids from a regular guy who is not the best. They all wanted kids from the strong leader, even when they had to share him with other women.

That proved to me that for females the priorities are different. They are hardwired to do what is best for their offspring.

For a male it's different. He will kill if another guy messes with his woman. For him it's a question of paternity and infidelity cannot be tolerated. Very basic.

This whole story just proves that while jealousy is not absent in females, it is not the top priority. The whole infidelity issue is contrived and overrated. Male and female infidelity are not the same. At least not in a natural setting. Only in today's brainwashed world they are.

This was one of the early things TV audiences were duped and molded with, together with the portraying of queers a normal, in the 60's. It has been downhill ever since.

Makow Comment-   Fidelity is essential to a marriage. If men sow their wild oats before marriage, they will know that infidelity isn't the answer to marital boredom. I posted James' comment because it is provocative and would enlist interesting reactions.

Comments for "Should Married Men be Allowed to Cheat?"

Linda said (May 26, 2013):

After I finished laughing, sorry the premise of the article is silly (marriage is so much more than sex), I thought of the verse in Scripture that appears in both the the Old and New Testament:

Genesis 2:24; Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Matthew 19:5; For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh...

I don't see the man joining himself to more than one flesh...a godly and Christ-centered marriage is between one man and one woman and it is an honorable, challenging, and worthwhile endeavor. This article is written by someone who only cares to please his own flesh...I can not imagine being married to such a man and I am thankful to God I am not.

Stephen Coleman said (May 26, 2013):

This silly and selfish author needs to know boredom comes from within. Wives, dogs or hobbies do not cause boredom. The fact is if he is bored it is because he is boring.

My wife speaks 4 languages, can plow a field with draft animals and negotiate complicated international business deals. I would never ever even consider such selfish and destructive behavior of infidelity towards the gem of my life. James is disgustingly immature and in the long run will only reap disappointment.

Stephen Coleman

D said (May 24, 2013):

If from the start you are honest with the woman, that is, if you let her know you have the intention and the means to have a second wife, then there is no infidelity if actually later on you do so. Obviously the second wife will have to know she's being taken as a second wife. Believe me, if polygamy was accepted as it's supposed to be, there won't be as much desperate women around as there are. Many women become femminists, just because they couldn't find a man to follow.
I would like to close my comment with a little question: would it not be more useful to society to validate polygamy.

Today polygamy is widely condemned in the western world, but cheating on his partner seems to a norm tolerated by all. May be western women prefer monogamous marriages because they know that men will certainly end up cheating on them, and by doing so, they(the women)will be disenfranchised to do the same, or even better, throw out the husbands in order to have a house they didn't spend a dollar for, and a lot of money...

Adil said (May 24, 2013):

Muslims are the ones who had brought polygany into legal form, yet they are unable to defend it!

To avoid a lengthy post, you may follow the link ( to the whole concept at my blog. Once done, either you accept the notion that "Polygany" has a rationale to start with, or to conciliate with the forgivable multiple-affair concept..

Posted said (May 24, 2013):

Rationalization is the down fall of society. James is another brainwashed fool, convinced he is entitled to to do what ever feels right for him. If you make a vow be a man and keep it, if you don't have the balls, don't get married, and be a whore the rest of your life, just like what you see on tv and movies. If you want freedom to cheat, and you wife wants the same that is not marriage. Would you be okay with raising kids your wife had from an affair, or are you the onlyone who can have the freedom to whore. What I have observed over the years if there are few men left in this world. Just brainwashed adolescents, in men's bodies. Its sad to see.

Dick said (May 24, 2013):

To take James at his word that women would prefer polygamy with an alpha male, it would seem that monogamy is in fact a strategy by males to prevent
their wives from cheating (and bearing the genetic offspring of other males). We exchange our protection for our wives' fidelity.

I saw a documentary on zebras the other day. Zebras live in a "harem" structure like James' example, with one stallion and maybe six mares. There was a shakeup of some kind where a new stallion took over a harem. One of the mares gave birth shortly after, and the stallion brutally murdered the foal, knowing it wasn't his.

This is the problem – at a base level, males are biologically programmed to ensure the success of our offspring. While on the surface cheating would seem biologically advantageous for the male,
we're not fish who can simply spray our seed all over town. As every parent knows, raising children requires a tremendous effort.

Biologically, the wife wants protection – hence the preference for an alpha male. Not wanting our offspring or ourselves murdered, males have adopted a social insurance policy where we have a chance to reproduce by agreeing to stay within the confines of monogamous pairs. The female is guaranteed protection, and the male is
guaranteed a chance at reproduction.

This is why adulterous women are treated so brutally in more primitive societies (not an endorsement). When family and clan bonds are the key to your survival, you better make sure Don Draper isn't sneaking in the back door of the tent!

JC said (May 24, 2013):

I suppose that since our culture has become one where lying and cheating is acceptable in almost areas of society your premise is acceptable.
However, that doesn't make it right. Right in this context refers to integrity. Marriage is much more than a physical or legal bond between a man and a woman.

Successful marriages are ones based on mutual trust and living together in truth and integrity. Tell me what about cheating has anything to do with integrity?

Dan said (May 24, 2013):

Matt 19: 8-12

8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

--end quote---

Causa finita est.

The reason James provides for polygamy is lust. "Boredom" is a pollite way of saying the man's wife just doesn't make his dick anymore. He needs a woman he doesn't know so he can focus on her tits and ass so he can get it up.

In the marriage Jesus was talking about, love between one husband and several wives is impossible, for holy matrimony is the formation of one mind out of two, and polygamy destroys this. "Love": that is divided among several partners is not true marriage love, but lasciviousness. It's also quite GAY.

So please don't drag Jesus into your petty sexual fantasies. Holy marriage is only possible between a man and woman who have placed God FIRST in their lives - even ahead of a hard penis.

Tony B said (May 24, 2013):

f you want to cheat, don't get married. Find a partner as one-track, dumb-assed as you are. Neither of you will be happy with your sex life - or each other. Did your parents satisfy your every whim, proper or improper, as a spoiled brat kid? Did the public schools successfully dumb you down to the point that you can't discern the difference between right and wrong? You fit right in to the "new age" bunk.

anon said (May 24, 2013):

Cheat? God's law allows for more than one wife. Nothing in the new testament forbids a man to have multiple wives. St. Paul wrote to one church saying the bishops should have only one wife. This was the law of that time, the roman law. He didn't want trouble with the proconsuls. It is in no way a command to us. And was a.command only to the.bishops then. Islam is more godly than current Christianity in its marriage law. Chinese are more realistic also. God's law is perfect. It plainly allows polygamy. Most 'christian' women hate that law because they hate GOD.

Arina said (May 23, 2013):

Boredom in marriage comes from either complete ignorance of God, or from an unequal yoke (2 Corinthians 6:14). If the yoke is equal in the Lord, then both spouses’ prospects exceed by far the physical level, and there’s harmony and fidelity. The purpose of marriage is beyond physical. The purpose of mankind is beyond physical. Everything should be considered at the spiritual level. The body is but a vehicle. Its instincts should be subdued and kept into obedience by the God-given spirit. Boredom does not exist. It is only a strange impression of our carnal, worldly nature lacking true spiritual understanding. It is a lowly temptation, but we have to catch it, denounce it and fight it. If we do, we will receive help and we will overcome it in Christ Jesus: “In the world you shall have tribulation; but take courage: I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Andrew said (May 23, 2013):

When you posted the essay about “social capital,” it reminded me of the structure of a traditional family.

There has been a quiet movement, called Christian Polygamy or Christian Patriarchy (non-Mormon), in which marriage is an agreement between individuals and not licensed by the state.
Traditional sex roles would be a part of the contract.

This modern movement strongly disdains the concept of any sex outside of marriage but forgets that concubinage was permissible in
Biblical times, especially when she was not a bondmaid and not betrothed.

Hagar received a blessing, typically overlooked by the Judeo-Christian tradition, She was not married and not assumed to be in adultery. Also, see Leviticus 19:20-22, Proverbs 30:21-23

The patriarchal nucleus of the world's largest family is said to be Ziona Chana, a putative Christian, who does not support them all on
one salary. Would his personal life be legal in your jurisdiction?

Dominique said (May 23, 2013):

There is no excuse to be a cheater. Relationships are built on trust and nothing less. Boredom isn't any excuse to seek out other women any more than the desire for children justifies a pedophile's vile actions. In fact, in the Bible adultery is grounds enough to be granted a divorce (Matthew 5:32). We are ultimately responsible for our actions as we are rational beings. Blaming infidelity on supposed "genetic hardwiring" (who funded THAT study?) is nothing less than a cheap excuse for a lack of self-control and personal responsibility. After all, God disagrees as He will hold everyone responsible for their actions and NOT their "genetics".

Grace said (May 23, 2013):

Women can get bored too so they should just go out and "romp in the hay" and the husband should just say okay no biggie. Also seems like a great idea to teach kids this too. Oh and the husband is also responsible for raising the children born from the wife's cheating too because women are programmed to try and have children with men and diversify the human gene pool- just look at chimps. Yeah great idea lets all just behave like chimps and do whatever we want without consequences because we get "bored" with human things like fidelity or loyalty or responsibility. Great idea dude.

Anne said (May 23, 2013):

Such a dumb question. No, of course married men shouldn't be "allowed" to cheat, nor should married women. The most obvious reasons are the betrayal of a vow and the hurt it causes to the spouse, children and the third party.

But, also, I wonder how much of a man's, or woman's, supposed "need" for extracurricular excitement, is contrived, that is, a mind game, which has been played on people through sophisticated control of media, movies and history books, for decades. This idea has been ingrained in people, with hardly a chance for people to figure out if they really feel that way.

Any natural human urge can be worked on, exaggerated and warped. For example, the Illuminati have taken the female's natural human desire for attention (love) and acknowledgment and inflamed it and twisted it so that women now seek it through career instead of family, and think that is perfectly normal.

I once heard an intelligent 30-year-old woman express with great angst, her frustration that she didn't have a boyfriend because she was nearing the end of her sexual prime - an idea she had picked up in school or through the media, and she was feeling desperate because she might miss her window of greatest pleasure. This sort of thinking is unnatural for so many reasons, yet people have been unwittingly trained into this, and other unnatural thinking, through vast repitition and examples.

Vivian said (May 23, 2013):

I have some advice for James: serve your spiritual needs vs the bodily ones. It's one of the main reason we are put here, the struggle of a spirit longing to rise and it's physical shell playing spoiler.

The 1st act of submission is to the Christ and the will of the Lord. I see time and time again where mankind thinks we can have our cake and eat it too. Like unconditional love and loyalty are bargaining chips to be traded every now and then for debauchery?

I am reading a powerful book right now by Steven Pressfield - The War of Art. Its a book to clear blockages to our inner creative battles. This book touches more than our creative inner battles. It talks about the battles we face in our effort to grow-period.

In one excerpt it talks about Amateurs vs Professionals.
Not professionals, with big fancy degrees. It's our attitude about things, when we show up, are we just messing around, or are we playing for keeps.

The amateur plays part time/a professional plays for keeps.

The amateur is a weekend warrior/a professional is one 7 days a week.

We are taught in school it's the amateur that loves the game, while the pro does it for money. In actuality, the amateur doesn't love the game enough, for if he did, he would not pursue it as a sideline district from who you really are.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at