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Wendy asks: "What are Young People to Do?"

February 7, 2014

(Left, not Wendy) 

Wendy, a sensitive and intelligent person,
brilliantly captures the social and financial challenges 
facing young working class women today. 

"I can easily imagine a future where everyone is gay, and children are conceived in test tubes. "

by Wendy

I've been reading your articles about feminism, and I have long agreed with many of your conclusions.  I am a 20-year-old woman living in Georgia.  I think traditional feminine roles should be honoured, and it is sad that they are now mostly ridiculed.  However, it is difficult to survive as a traditional feminine woman.  Most young men no longer make enough money to support a wife or children.  And many traditional female occupations do not make enough.    

First of all, I come from a broken family.  My mother was always dominant and overbearing and my father absent and submissive.  They were both violent towards one another and their children on a regular basis.  They are divorced.  I don't want my children to endure the childhood I endured.    

I considered marrying the first man I had a serious relationship with.  When we met, I was 18 and he was 30.  We had similar values, a strong connection, and loved each other very much.  However, he wasn't financially stable, and wanted to get married and have children, but couldn't even support himself very well between pay checks.  

My parents hated that I was dating an older man, and frequently threatened us. Most of my friends were also shocked I would even date someone that old.  But he was mature, and being with him was the most fulfilled I have ever felt in my life.  I miss him, but have no way of contacting him, and doubt he would even want me back as I have another boyfriend now.   

And he couldn't support me or even really himself, and I ended up moving to a different state to look for a job.  

My only real job experience thus far has been as a nanny and tutor.  But when I put that on a resume, employers don't consider that a job, though it was my most regular job where I had the most steady income.  

And while it is difficult to find a good man without being modest, it seems difficult to find a job without being somewhat slutty.  I don't wear makeup and dress conservatively, usually preferring to keep my hair covered. 

My mom said I needed to "doll myself up" to be able to get a job.  I finally put on makeup and got a job at a cafe, but the pay was terrible and my boss smacked my ass and said other things that were sexually harassing.  And talking to other women my age, this is incredibly common!  

Now I'm in school and want to become a teacher.  But it seems most intelligent young people are not having children anymore.  A lot of my classmates and peers identify as gay.  Some of them have even relied on making gay and lesbian porn videos to pay their bills!


My boyfriend now is 25, and I'm 20.  I really appreciated you pointing out that nowadays, gay is cool and trendy.  I've literally felt embarrassed having a boyfriend around some people, and feel pressured to say he is just a friend.  And again, my parents don't approve of me dating him, and my friends don't understand why I'm dating him and won't even hang out with us, only me alone.   

He comes from a big family with parents who are still together.  He seems to believe in protecting and honoring women.  We have been together six months though with no real promise of marriage.  He also seems to want me to dress conservatively, but not too conservatively.  He hates it if I cover my hair, and loves it when women wear boots, tight pants, short skirts, lingerie, etc etc.  

He also loves women who are big and strong.  I'm slender and not particularly strong physically.  He also frequently begs me for anal sex. None of his siblings are married, though his 34-year old sister is engaged.  We have discussed marriage, but he seems to find the idea of getting married at a young age laughable.  However, he does talk about having children, and doesn't seem to think we should be married before having children.  I don't want to have children unless I am married first though. Furthermore, though he talks of children; he also has trouble just supporting himself between pay checks.  

I wonder if I should break up with him and refuse to have sex with anyone else unless we get married first.  But so far I can't afford to rent my own place.   And I don't know of any men who are seriously interested in marriage, and if they are, they can't afford it, or children.  

A lot of people in the town where I live are openly gay, and this is the American South. I feel lost, and receive no meaningful advice from my parents or any elders.  

In fact, my parents tell me, "you shouldn't be with a man at all." As a young woman in my sexual prime, this is mystifying to me.  They seem to want me to move back in with them until I am making enough money to live on my own, but their household has always been a violent and unsafe environment.  

 I want to be a teacher.  I really wonder about the future of this planet, and about my own personal future and if I'll ever even be able to get married, much less have children of my own.  I can easily imagine a future where everyone is gay, and children are conceived in test tubes.    

What a bizarre world we live in...

What can any of us really do to change this?

Thanks for getting this out in the open, 


Makow reply:


Kudos on being so eloquent and sensible given your youth and all that you endure. 

You must not marry or have children until you have established yourself professionally and met a man worthy of you. You are being driven into an unhappy marriage by your family and financial circumstances. This is like jumping from the fry pan into the fire.  

Try to consecrate yourself for your future husband. Move back  in with your parents or share an apartment with another woman. 

Obey your better instincts. You are a special person. Be true to yourself. 

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Wendy asks: "What are Young People to Do?" "

Ronald said (February 10, 2014):

For young people who live in the Western World (Western Europe, North America, Japan, Australia, New Zealand).

If your IQ is below 90: Remain where you are. Get on welfare at the earliest possible date. Stay on welfare for the rest of your life, or until the government runs out of money.

If your IQ is between 90 and 110: Get a secure government job with retirement benefits. Plan to remain in that job for the next 40+ years. (If you're ambitious, look into a side business in your abundant spare time.)

If your IQ is 110 or more: Get out now. (Your nation's "Peace Corps" may be a vehicle for your transition.) Move to Asia, Eastern Europe, Africa or Latin America. Become involved in the local expat community. If you don't yet have qualifications, get a job teaching English to the locals. Move up from there.

Wendy said (February 8, 2014):

No one has mentioned to this girl that ignoring much of what is now considered necessary, especially to young people, makes it possible to live on much less than most believe. I raised three kids by myself, home schooled them to boot, and almost never had an income considered average, almost always below that. Yes, it destroyed any idea of a career but so what?

True, it's more difficult now with the agenda to destroy the American economy through off shoring, "free" trade, illegal immigration, special rights to foreigners granted by a criminal congress to billionaires such as greed driven Bill Gates, and, as Robert mentioned, machines doing most of the work. But most "things," more often than not, just get in the way of living. Few of them are necessary.

Wendy should forget the idea of teaching. What teachers do now is directly opposed to everything worthwhile which she is trying to keep alive. They are the most dysfunctional, self-important, destroyers of children in existence. The agenda comes from above but it takes manipulated stupidity to not see through it and challenge it. Matter of fact, all the poisonous things she sees and wishes to escape are first instilled in children by the schools. She would hate being a part of that in a very short time - unless the constant Skinnerian propaganda meetings enforced on teachers converted her too.

David said (February 8, 2014):

If I had to distill from the perspective of 50-plus years the one piece of advice I would give young people like Wendy starting out, it would be: Stay Out Of Debt. Avoid borrowing money if you can humanly possibly avoid it. Don't fall for the seductions of modern culture to convince you that you "must buy this" or "must own that" expensive trinket. Debt is just the updated form of slavery in the modern world. If they came after you with bullwhips, chains and shackles, it would be too obvious. So they use invisible shackles like student loans, mortgages, "rent to own" schemes and the like. It's all designed to reduce you and your family to a lifetime of penury and servitude.

Corine said (February 8, 2014):

You should never let a man beg you to have any kind of sex. Sex is supposed to be consensual no begging should be involved. I sense you are not enjoying it so then stop having it. Anal sex is dangerous whether using protection or not.

Go for your studies, marriage is a partnership, you will have to bring in some money as well just so that you and your future husband could build the life you want to have; and I encourage you to remain chaste until you find a morally sound man who is ready to commit to and provide for you.

Dan said (February 8, 2014):

I agree with JG [below]. I agree with looking for a church with people who feel safe. You can tell the quality of a community by quality of the marriages. You'll know. I avoided 'church people' till I was 45, till I noticed my 'friends' were all divorced with many bad love affairs, no children, or children who felt little bond for them. Imagine how these 'gay and lesbian' people you know are going to end up in twenty years.

Stay focused on teaching, it will get you where you want to go for now.

Look into charity work - you will find more thoughtful, compassionate young people there.
One more thing, I suggest getting to know both parents of a potential mate, and his whole family if he has siblings, etc. (I'd be careful of those who don't want you to know his family.)

Francis said (February 8, 2014):

To the women who say the church can offer steady wholesome employment or finding a man.

Your *devil* is in the church corrupting people who belong to this group. If you live in a small town..the local farmers and business owners who are married will probably use this woman sexually or her labor for free or very cheap. As the economy gets worse so will the size of the church donations which would pay her.

Although there are networking opportunities in the church..there is also group mind control..spying..and behavior modification. I was baptized as an adult and went through the motions and enjoyed some of it and my teachers helped improve me and strengthen my faith. This will only get you so far and can be disappointing when you realize being good doesn't Wendy realized.

If Wendy grew up in a church culture..then her disposition might allow her to more readily accept the politics and power plays in a congregation. Not to mention how Government through 501c3 status has diverted biblical teachings.. which has been stated time and time again on this site.

Kesha said (February 8, 2014):

A female roommate that signs a contract with you to pay half of the rent and utilities, could work out well. It worked out well for me when I was young.

I found an article for you on advice on your career and what to expect out of a company:

Date happy, successful, driven men.
They should not stress you out, but be a source of help, fun and friendship.

Classy does not mean, to not be sexy, be sexy - you are a real natural born woman.

Be yourself and be strong, brave and safe.
Check with the police crime logs with the names of potential dates and practice safe sex, if you choose to have sex.

Be proud to be you, you are not alone, I too am a woman who dates men.

You are going to have to find balance to have it all but it is doable on your terms.

Do not settle for less or abuse.

Seek understanding about abuse so that you can identify it quick and dismiss it confidently if necessary.

Your parents loved you the only way that they knew how, forgive them, never forget but forgive because now it is time to love yourself to the utmost - so go for it.

Education is worth a try.

Travel is worth saving up for.

Robert said (February 7, 2014):

Henry advises: "You must not marry or have children until you have established yourself professionally." Considering that many people these days might not be able to establish themselves professionally in their entire lifetime, this is harsh advice.

We are living in a time of material superabundance. This is being produced largely by machines, computers and robots, which have displaced people from employment and therefore from incomes, and will continue doing so in the future at an accelerating pace. This is an opportunity to move into a new era of human conditions--i.e., one of genuine personal freedom (not the prostitution that in the past has been portrayed as freedom) and expanding leisure.

However, it seems as if there is not enough "love for one's fellow man" around for people to want these conditions for all and to insist on reforms that would bring them into being. We know that the Establishment, whose pleasure in life (for which many have sold their souls) is enjoying privileges denied to the majority, will never make the transition to saner society absent enormous pressure for change from below.

Laura said (February 7, 2014):

Dear Wendy:

At your age I fell into all the trappings of having sex out of wedlock, believing the feminist notion that one has to have a career before they marry, and that one should wait to be married and prolong motherhood. It did not turn out well.

I can only speak for the women my age who have had the happiest lives. They ignored what the world and the media told them, they found love and respect for themselves through developing a close relationship with God, they found men who set goals and wanted to support them financially and for their wife to have children and a job that allowed them time to enjoy motherhood and spend time rearing happy children.

Don't believe everything has to be in place materialistically with a young man, you can set goals together for a home, etc. The world makes you believe you have to have everything in place. You only need love and respect in place, and shared goals to build a life with someone.

You are so brave and intuitive, some man should worship the ground you walk on, and he will be the one for you.

Mrs. K said (February 7, 2014):

Wendy said..."and refuse to have sex with anyone else unless we get married first."

Yes, Dear One, that is exactly what you should do. And if you pray, ask the Lord to put that right man in your life. If it does or does not come to pass, trust His leading.
Seek His will for your life - He desires to bless you but He can't do that if you live a life contrary to His teaching. This is the same advice I have given to my daughter who is 23 and in her final semester of nursing. She is safe and protected here at home with mom and dad and if/when the right man comes along she will know.

We live in the Upstate of South Carolina - similar area and culture as yours. Our daughter goes to the state university and yes, it has been an eye-opening experience for all of us. Doesn't matter what the world is doing. Don't be influenced - do what you know is right.

Aiman said (February 7, 2014):

Dear Wendy ,

I applaud you for being a rare flower in a field of weeds. Though life might not be going your way at the moment , hang in there and have patience. Surely good things will come your way. God-willing.

With regards to work. I suggest you approach community centers or churches or mosques. They usually have some honest work available like teaching classes for learning English or maths for kids or adults, secretary work, etc.
If not then you will usually find the people that frequent those places to be very nice and will even help you find some work. All you need is to smile and ask.

Good luck! May God guide your way.

Sandeep said (February 7, 2014):

Hi Henry,

I would have given Wendy the same advice as you did from my age perspective as well. She needs to find a person who is stable on a financial, spiritual, mental and moral level. Even if the latter three are there, the first one lacking can be a big hardship and restrained on the relationship. Adding children on top will make things even worse. You can lose someone who could actually be a good potential husband.

And I think having a job as a woman isn't a big deal as long as woman have their priorities right. Family (husband, children when you are married), first. the rest second. I personally don't want to get married until I have established myself.

And lastly, don't listen to the garbage that is spewing out from people, even if it is your parents. Dysfunctionality isn't a good adviser.

JG said (February 7, 2014):

The challenges of a young woman today in America are many.

A depressed economy, an immoral culture, and a broken family unit just to name a few.

They have been robbed of the American dream by not being able to carve out a legitimate and moral life their parents once had let alone just supporting themselves.

I would recommend to this woman that she get involved with her local church.

They all won't be perfect but at least they won't be encouraging you to engage in acts of immorality or promote a gay or lesbian lifestyle.

And if God is not a part of your life today you will find that facing your struggles without him is an impossible task.

The world will continue to be more corrupt and colder as prophesied in scripture but God has not changed.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at