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Dating Apps: Crack to a Sex Addict

January 18, 2016


"Romance is completely dead, and it's the girls' fault," says Alex, 25. "They act like all they want is sex and then they yell at you for not wanting to have a relationship. How are you gonna feel romantic about a girl like that?"

"Women's virtue is man's greatest invention,"  Cornelis Otis Skinner 

Part One:   Dating Apps - Final Nail in Coffin of Courtship 

By  Nancy Jo Sales

"Tinder & the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse"  (Vanity Fair, Aug. 31, 2015) 

(excerpt by 

"I'm on Tinder, Happn, Hinge, OkCupid," Nick, 26, says. "It's just a numbers game. Before, I could go out to a bar and talk to one girl, but now I can sit home on Tinder and talk to 15 girls--"

"Without spending any money," John chimes in. Neither Nick nor John has had a girlfriend in the last few years; Brian had one until recently but confesses, "I cheated.... She found out by looking at my phone--rookie mistake, not deleting everything." 

"When it's so easy, when it's so available to you," Brian says intensely, "and you can meet somebody and f**k them in 20 minutes, it's very hard to contain yourself."

"I've gotten numbers on Tinder just by sending emojis," says John. "Without actually having a conversation--having a conversation via emojis."

He holds up his phone, with its cracked screen, to show a Tinder conversation between him and a young woman who provided her number after he offered a series of emojis, including the ones for pizza and beer.

"Now is that the kind of woman I potentially want to marry?" he asks, smiling. "Probably not."

"We talk for a total of maybe 10 to 15 minutes," he says. "We hook up. Afterwards she goes, 'Oh my God, I swear I wasn't gonna have sex with you.' And I was like, Well, you did a pretty shitty job of that one."

"They all say that," the guys say, chuckling.

That Nick ...fulfills none of the requirements ...that women supposedly look for in mates...doesn't effect his ability to get laid. In his iPhone, he has a list of more than 40 girls he has "had relations with, rated by [one to five] stars.... It empowers them," he jokes. "It's a mix of how good they are in bed and how attractive they are."  


Romance is completely dead, and it's the girls' fault," says Alex, 25, a New Yorker who works in the film industry. "They act like all they want is to have sex with you and then they yell at you for not wanting to have a relationship. How are you gonna feel romantic about a girl like that? Oh, and by the way? I met you on Tinder."

"Women do exactly the same things guys do," said Matt, 26... "I've had girls sleep with me off OkCupid and then just ghost me"--that is, disappear, in a digital sense, not returning texts. "They play the game the exact same way. They have a bunch of people going at the same time--they're fielding their options. They're always looking for somebody better, who has a better job or more money." A few young women admitted to me that they use dating apps as a way to get free meals. "I call it Tinder food stamps," one said.

Men talk about the nudes they receive from women. They show off the nudes. "Tit pics and booty pics," said Austin, 22, a college student in Indiana. "My phone is full of 'em."

And what about unsolicited dick pics? "They want to see your dick," insists Adam, 23, a male model in New York. "They get excited from it. They're like, 'Oh my God, you're huge.' "

[Author] No woman I talked to said she had ever asked for one. And yet, "If you're a girl who's trying to date, it's normal to get dick pics all the time," said Olivia, 24, a Brandeis graduate. "It's like we have dicks flying at us."


[Young women] talk about how it's not uncommon for their hookups to lose their erections. It's a curious medical phenomenon, the increased erectile dysfunction in young males, which has been attributed to everything from chemicals in processed foods to the lack of intimacy in hookup sex.

"If a guy can't get hard," Rebecca says, "and I have to say, that happens a lot, they just act like it's the end of the world."

NANCY JO SALES:  So where is this all going to go? What happens after you've come of age in the age of Tinder? Will people ever be satisfied with a sexual or even emotional commitment to one person? And does that matter? Can men and women ever find true intimacy in a world where communication is mediated by screens; or trust, when they know their partner has an array of other, easily accessible options?

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Dating Apps: Crack to a Sex Addict "

Chad said (January 30, 2016):

Here’s a strange idea. I’ve done it. Don’t use smartphones. If you must have a cell phone, get an older one that doesn’t support a data plan. The best way to control the temptation is to simply not have the technology. Trust me, you’ll do just fine without it. Most of the time, I even leave my cell phone at home when leaving the house. It’s a refreshing feeling. Yes, you can do that too.

You can use the dating website to make initial contact then set up a face to face meeting. From then on, if you’re actually dating, have strict rules about technology usage. No texting or emailing of anything that can’t be said or communicated without a voice call or face to face.

Be the oddball at the bar without a phone to be mesmerized or distracted by. As well, nothing to hide behind. Aside, your best encounters will be when you’re out in public to smell the flowers and look at sights and sounds, unencumbered by technology. You can’t explore your environment and people with your face buried in some smartphone app nonstop. Also, when approached by someone, be courteous enough to switch off your device and provide attention and eye contact.

It’s up to you to manage how you use devices and how you allow devices to use you. All the people mentioned in this article are overall ignorant of the true purpose of this technology and thus how to engage and interact socially. In other words, it’s your fault for allowing these devices to rule and ruin your lives. Learn to be human again. These are as they say, “first world problems.”

Peter C said (January 19, 2016):

Girls have to be brought up with virtue, of late this has gone. Girls just like being like the majority, they are not born with virtue they have to be ALL brought up with it.
The sexual revolution got rid of all that, it must have been promoted by the illuminati.

Old Salt said (January 19, 2016):

The Digital World Whore House.

Back in the 1970s, I could not get a good date. The queers and lesbians were already at war converting truth into fiction. Rosie, the Riveter from WW-2 became the weird mothers for the future – twisted attitudes and the f*** you language. Add to that the beginning of the huge divorce ratios over the years as that only got worse. Also the stupefied ministers & pastors who would not stand up for COMMON SENSE, never mind anything else. “Who cares what you believe in? – I’m the bullshit artist of the moment. Don’t bother me, I’m busy do- ing nothing.” The Digital World today ain’t like it was when I was a lot younger back then in The Old Days. The Communist tricks being pulled on us “back then” were so damn slick that no one knew they were being skinned.

Dan said (January 17, 2016):

IN the 1970's we spent all of our disposable income on trolling bars and at best you'd wake up with a terrible hangover with some girl you vaguely remembered meeting drunk last night. The first thing they usually said was "get out". The feeling was mutual. That was dating life was like for many 'boomers' in the '70's. It generated a basic distrust and disappointment between women in men that seems to persist to this day. The problem is arrested emotional development caused by a diet of television and pop music.

College liberal brainwashing just makes it more confusing.

What you call 'hook up culture' we called 'pick up culture'. Everybody burns out on it eventually, but by then they're usually too jaded.

Connie said (January 17, 2016):

"Romance is completely dead, and it's the girls' fault."
Sorry, but I'm not buying this. I have no idea who these horrible women are that you're describing and I've met plenty of confused young women.
From time immemorial, there have been smart ways vs. stupid ways to meet the opposite sex for dating, so I'd suggest you get off your dang smart phone and ask your grandparents. News flash -- girls do NOT get aroused by seeing your member. They may be interested, but NOT aroused.

Guys, wherever you are, if you get two conflicting signals, just treat her like a lady and that is the behavior that will emerge. This is part of male leadership.
Do you even know how to treat her like a lady? Vote against euthanasia so you can go ask your granny.

Tony B said (January 17, 2016):

All this is new and hardly believable to me. If true, it occurs to me that a Hollywood movie depicting a true loving, tender romance, sans sex, would sell like crazy to this age group out of sheer hunger for real humanity. If I'm wrong about that then this generation is truly in a sad, sad way. How can such a world continue? Free will among unthinking beasts will not endure. They are already in bondage to meaningless sex, a total waste of themselves.

2r2 said (January 17, 2016):

More garbage: the only men quoted are lousy sex-mad pick-up-artists, so the writer can portray the women as victims again -- when in truth, the women are no better.

Again, there are *LOTS* of decent men around who want to settle down with a good woman. ...And only a complete moron would seek a soulmate on Tinder.

Both sexes who use Tinder know what they're offering and what they're after -- it's just that PUAs are up-front about it (no doubt the female interviewees don't want to appear as slutty as they really are).

None of these rakes and harlots are looking for a loving, lifelong commitment. They're just shopping around for some hot sex. My own male friends are nothing at all like this. They want love, not herpes.

Like the previous article, it's just more anti-male propaganda.

C said (January 17, 2016):

Keeping it simple, sex= reproduction tightens up on the relationship dynamic. The correct idea is to be with someone you like first and that you can get along with second.

While impulse motivates, restraint sets the standard for character, the latter of which is sorely lacking in relationships today.

Non conflicted relationships are comforting, ones that require work build character. Either way their will be the same boundaries, pain and resources issues to deal with the reward of which diminishes the sentimental mind and forges one of learning to dignify and care about others as much as we do ourselves.

We falsely believe love is exclusive to human relationships. In fact a bacteria will insulate it's progeny from destruction while the parent itself is destroyed. People fall short of understanding this level of commitment egged on to aggrandize some fabricated norm that recognizes gratification only as the dynamic that compels coupling as a temporary, transient affair.

Another fact is the human psyche evolved to nest with ones partner so reproduction didn't fall to predation. Females bond to be safe, males for sustained stimulation, the net effect a lasting relationship.

What's happening today in relationships is the equivalent of Frankie Lane fading to rap, the latter of which is such a radical break from normal one can only predict that giving this up to fuck some bimbo or lothario is a sign we're falling apart as a species.

Low life, lower mind. People condemn themselves when they do this. Transience is the mark of a predator. Introduce this to domestic relationships and the new norm becomes a recidivistic Canaan paradise.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at