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Woman Blames Birth Control for Debasing Love

August 13, 2016

Women need love. Birth control allows men to forget that.

"Birth Control is something that "arrests development." Sex can degenerate into smut, gayness, or whatever, instead of generating life, its original purpose. Both men AND women eventually want the "monkey [sex] off their back" This is a compilation of four women's shared experiences. 
Some of it is me, but it's not 100% me."   -- Connie

"Never in a million years would you say Birth Control causes relationship woes. Pope Paul VI said it would lead to an increase in divorce and people thought he was nuts. But look where we are." 

by Connie

I must say that sex in your 20's with birth control is pretty darn good. At that age, sex is new, so exciting, and you are flattered by the attention, every time. Your medical doctor may just become your BFF. His prescription holds the key to so much!  

But after awhile, unless children arrive to distract you, contracepted sex gets to be more about the sex, and less about you.
Yes this is okay, but only to a point. You both thought sex itself was the intimacy, but as a woman, sooner or later, you need to share and talk. 

Meanwhile, he's thinking we are "equal" now... why do we have to talk... and for how long? Are you rejecting me? Again? 
You are starting to put on weight from The Pill. He doesn't like condoms. You know the drill. 

If you were fertile most of the time, you would actually have the power to put on the brakes at a moment's notice. 

You could actually say HOLD EVERYTHING WE'RE GONNA TALK, FIRST!  Then I'll THINK about having sex with you... and he wouldn't roll his eyes; he would respect this!  Imagine!

So in your 30s on BC, you are starting to know something is wrong, but you never, ever trace it back to the BC, because you were told BC liberates you. 

After all, it is ubiquitous, just part of life, even responsible. 

You start to realize the medical risks. The worst may be coming true. Yet your doctor would never advise using a calendar or a thermometer. That would be archaic. He doesn't know computers can help you now. So you do your duty, business as usual. 

Never in a million would you say BC causes relationship woes. Pope Paul VI said BC would lead to an increase in divorce and people thought he was nuts. But look where we are. 

By 40, if not sooner, sex with BC has become just another chore; you are always looking for more ways to "spice it up," which can actually be sinful.  I read that in the old days, people naturally would give up sex around this age. Stunning.

Andy Warhol said "sex is the biggest nothing in the world."  But our CULTURE says you would be missing out, that sexy means youthful, etc. Plus we used to have more physical activities which allowed us to channel that excess energy. I would say most manual laborers don't have it within them to be oversexed.

So now you are 40, and trying to figure out ways to avoid your husband or lover. When menopause arrives at 50, you are so relieved to discover that sex actually hurts!  You disdain the creams and gels, say you are allergic, and talk trash about Viagra, just in case. You speculate out loud whether you think your friends are still "doing it" and you lead him to the conclusion they are probably not...
So if the two of you actually lasted this long, into your 50s, and now you finally have sex off the table, you may actually start having conversations again. At long last.

If you took a poll, I'd bet this resonates with MILLIONs of couples. MILLIONS.  "When menopause arrives at 50, you are so relieved TO DISCOVER that sex actually hurts!" 

I asked Connie to elaborate.

My article is specifically about how women experience the perversion of intentionally infertile sex (thwarted by BC) and so develop a disdain for not only the BC but also the sex. 

First off, they are degraded by the medical community's disregard for their health because it favors chemical and invasive methods, (such as the pill and the intrauterine device) over modernized natural methods (ie, the basal body temperature and calendar methods). It's as if natural family planning never existed, despite the fact they have become rather more sophisticated in recent years.

Someday I will have to write about how YOUR DOCTOR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.

The woman is also degraded because her need to be seduced is not being met, for example by having intimate conversation, which I think the man also needs. If she is fertile, this gives her leverage and a man can experience the power of her femininity. If there is no balance of power, the vagina is now just his joy ride, as you say. She is two dimensional to him and she resent this. So does he.

Pillow talk allows a couple to constantly renegotiate their relationship, exposing the bad and the good, working out the problem spots -- emphasis on WORK, something foreign to the effeminate man. Absent this bedroom chatter, sex only superficially reinforces their bond, and their healthy relationship gradually devolves to reveal itself as a sham. Not to mention it fails to give them the ultimate relationship glue, their own mutual child.

So they both start to resent each other. Yet the culture says to keep at the sex, keep trying to get something from it that it can't deliver.
In a saner era, where women and men would mature, they'd naturally stop having sex, and be content to grow old together. But today we keep at the sex, try to "spice it up," dump our old partner for a new one, try out a gay relationship-- what the heck. 

 Many just throw in the towel.  We want the monkey off our backs. 

And we don't know what's wrong because of our programming.

First Comment by Diane:

I now find it so hard to believe that women who consider themselves "liberated" would enslave themselves to a daily chemical cocktail that allows men no responsibility and to use their bodies as a sperm receptacle. (Sorry, I know thAt sounds rude and unladylike).

I worked in health care administration as a project manager. One day I got a look at a spreadsheet of all the birth control pills and devices that were recalled over 10 years. Overwhelming. I doubt most of these "liberated " women bother to read the insert. 

And do you think Big Boy Pharma will ever acknowledge the long term effects.

The natural family planning method creates intimacy and respect and discipline and most of all, the man's respect for the life giver /woman. The removal of the respect for women as nurturers and life givers is the detriment of our society.

Dan writes:

Connie has written an honest witness to how females think, that shows how they were drawn into promiscuity and became childless 'cat ladies' in their 50's. ...

Connie described the life cycle of all the women I ever had sex with.  They started out just wanting to get some male, not knowing that starting off with sex is disordered and such relations come to nothing.
What she hasn't mentioned directly is that this is Modern 'lifestyle' and it's disordered.  Everybody knows it's miserable, but if it's disordered, what is in order? 

We have to go back over a century to something called Natural Law, that's not taught in schools - or churches.  Not in shul either, anymore.  Human beings are a subject to natural law as water, that always boils at 100 C. 

Modernism rejected the idea of predetermined human nature.   Connie may or may not have heard about this, but it is useful for understanding what happened to the millions of women whose lives have played out like her description since the 1960's. 

Natural Law provides a narrow path to bonding with a suitable mate and raising a family successfully.  In the previous culture, women that did could usually count on being cared for the rest of their lives, if not by a husband (if he died), then by their children.  This was routinely normal for most people/  There are still people that are dying off in Texas that lived their whole life cycle that way. 

Now the analogy is if you're don't know about cars and you decide you want to make it better, you pop open the hood and say, "I don't like all these wires cluttering everything up".  You see a wire that says REPRODUCTION and yank it out. You take another wire called TEMPERANCE and one called AROUSAL and switch them.  You turn the key and notice it's driving really rough - so you fill it up with the highest octane fuel you can find.  Now the car is still running rough, and backfiring, and a lot more expensive to drive. 

Comments for "Woman Blames Birth Control for Debasing Love"

Michael said (August 14, 2016):

Excerpted from "The Passionate Life", by Sam Keen

"Alas, innocence is as fragile as it is beautiful, and experience shatters it for all but the perennially childish. The youth culture didn't count on time, aging, and the inevitable transformations of eros. No matter how pure the heart or innocent the intent, the notion of pleasure without consequence, intimacy without commitment, sensation without deliberation, is an illusion.

We need only examine the logic of experience to see the structural contradiction involved in the myth of sexual fulfillment. On the one hand, the sexual revolution focused upon the individual's right to pure sensation. At the same time that it liberated sex from guilt, it encouraged us to divorce it from love and commitment. The necessary connection between love and marriage was proclaimed to be as obsolete as the horse and carriage. You can have one without the other. The sensate focus, the proclamation of the right of individuals to share sexual sensations with whomever they pleased, carried with it the idea that liberated sex could be divorced from continuity of caring, from consequences, from children, from community. Stripped of its context, sex became a happening between genitals that were only incidentally connected to persons who had a history and hopes for the future. Sensation was divorced from feeling and expectation. Thus liberated, sex became a game, a sport....
Obviously, the one hand did not know what the other proffered. An experience emptied of emotional and moral content became the candidate for providing fulfillment, a sure recipe for schizophrenia."

A said (August 14, 2016):

This article talks about lost respect and insinuates that it is the man who has done this. Males aren't the ones who pulled away, it is the women who have become wholly untrustworthy, having been "liberated" from being women. THEY are the ones who aren't interested in being helpmeets or true equal partners in all things. They want to be the boss and men are there to serve them and are easily replaceable.

Perhaps if women learned to respect men and treat them as valued human beings the situation would have potential to work itself out. You want respect, give respect. Real women of value are rare and getting hard to find, however when she does come along she is the most precious jewel one could hope for.

There are still cultures where women are not afraid of being feminine, realizing that this in no way diminishes their strength, and they are comfortable in their femininity and actually do focus their lives on home and family; but that culture is not North American or even western European sad to say as these have been subverted by feminism. Feminism is where the problem started and that is where it will turn around IF women realixe that that is the enemy and not "men".

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at