A Defence of Marriage for Valentine's Day
February 13, 2018
A wholesome spirit
"Media culture provides no good role models for married couples. Hyper-feminism has trained a generation of women to be terrible wives. This has produced a lot of immature men that don't understand the responsibilities of being good husbands. It's hard, but the benefits of a good marriage are certainly worth it, not only for yourselves but for the children you need to raise."
David Garrett is a husband, father, engineer, and deplorable defender of western civilization.
Western civilization was built upon three pillars: marriage, Christianity, and family. All three are under assault by Western governments, public and private education, the media, and the entertainment industry. The consistently negative portrayals of marriage in the entertainment industry are giving young people a skewed perception of marriage that is contributing to the decline in marriage rates in western countries.
This is unfortunate because study after study shows that people--men especially--are happier when married. Children fare much better when raised in a stable household by a married heterosexual couple.
Married Sex Is The Best Sex
The TV and movie industry usually portray marriage as unhappy, with one or both spouses looking to cheat. There are virtually no portrayals of happily married couples. Is this a sinister plot to undermine the institution of marriage? Maybe. It could be that the entertainment industry has given up on good writing and the sexual encounters of single people and cheating couples are easier to write.
No doubt that sex with a new person is exciting. But is it always good sex? Men are relatively easy to please, but women are all wired differently. It takes time--sometimes years--to figure out what a woman wants and what is going to satisfy her. Oftentimes, women don't even know what they want, so over time, sex becomes an exploration process for both partners.
Sex for women is much more emotional and cerebral than for men. In a marriage, women have time to develop the emotional attachment and trust for a man that allows them to relax and fully enjoy their sexual lives.
More important than sex is the bond of trust that develops between a man and a wife in a good marriage. While many spouses consider their partner to be a good friend, the bond between man and wife is different, and much stronger than friendship.
Contrary to most media portrayals, most married couples are not looking to cheat. Married women, in particular, are not looking for opportunities to cheat on their husbands. Despite the hook-up culture prevalent in young people and the easy access they have to dating websites, woman don't want to hook up with married men. Ashley Madison, the website purportedly for married cheaters, had almost no women members. The vast majority of female accounts were found to be fake.
Sexual fidelity is much more commonplace in marriage than media portrayals, but that's just one aspect of a trusting marital relationship.
The Marriage Bond
A good marriage requires financial fidelity. Most married couples share everything, so being able to completely trust your spouse with the shared money pool is essential to your well-being. Financial fidelity is important to both partners for slightly different reasons. In most marriages, the man makes more money, so it's important his wife spends money wisely. Otherwise, she's not valuing the time, effort, and sacrifice that go with having a full-time job and providing for a family.
Women have more of a nesting instinct and are interested a little more in financial security. Women value the security of a paid-off home, life insurance, and money in the bank so she and their kids will be provided for if the husband loses his job, gets sick, or even dies. Women value a husband that provides all these financial securities and doesn't squander the money they make.
According to marriage counselors, sex and money are the primary reasons couples fight, but there is more to trust than sexual and financial fidelity. I trust my wife to behave appropriately in our community of friends, relatives, and co-workers. I don't worry about her saying something inappropriate. She won't air our dirty laundry with outsiders. She won't drink too much in an inappropriate situation. She won't dress immodestly for the event we're attending. It's a great relief that I never have to worry about these things.
If you have a good wife, you shouldn't have to worry about her behavior. Conversely, a good husband will honor his wife by behaving appropriately in public as well. He'll support his wife, take her side regardless of the situation, and have only kind, supportive words for her. A good husband will never engage in behavior that would bring shame, dishonor, or embarrassment on his wife or their family.
ROMANCE VS REAL LOVE
I'm amused and annoyed by sitcoms and rom-coms where dating couples and recently married couples are portrayed as being hopelessly head over heels in love with each other. How would they know? They practically just met.
Go through the excitement, fear, and physical pain of pregnancy and childbirth with someone. Then you'll know what it means to love another person. Bring home your first baby, a baby looks like the two of you, and realize you're responsible for keeping this little thing alive now. Spend the night with your wife in the emergency room waiting while the doctors put one of your kids back together again after a major injury. Then you'll know what it really means to be hopelessly in love with someone.
Grow old with your spouse and watch as your bodies deteriorate in ways you never imagined possible, and realize you're not one bit less attracted to her.
People aren't perfect, so no marriage is perfect. God gave us free will because he loves us and wants us to share in the joy of his creation. People with free will are going to make mistakes. Spouses need to be forgiving.
Additionally, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to making marriage successful. Since everyone is different and imperfect, spouses need to figure out what works well for them. Little things like the division of labor in a household and division of responsibilities for child-rearing can turn into big problems if spouses aren't kind to each other and accommodating.
Media culture provides no good role models for married couples. Hyper-feminism has trained a generation of women to be terrible wives. The lack of good role models and the modern welfare state has produced a lot of immature men that don't understand the responsibilities of being good husbands. It's hard, but the benefits of a good marriage are certainly worth it, not only for yourselves but for the children you need to raise.
Related - The Value of Marriage
First Comment from Antonio Z, on the website:
As a never married 60-year-old Christian man too. Don't get me wrong, I've suffered job loses, financial woes, toxic psycho people and family members, so I'm not immune to life's troubles. But, I thank god every day (literally) during my private devotions that I was at least spared that "excrement storm" of marriage, modern self-actualized demonic women, and an inevitable divorce. The laws have to change, and I'm not sure if the women's advocacy groups, and the feminists, have that much muscle and money? I wonder where the men are to fight to change these archaic laws and attitudes? There's a men's rights movement, but how vocal and effective are these guys? I went to a seminar for men going through divorce put on by one of the largest heavy-hitting law firms in my city. They only represent men. Both male and female lawyers shared countless gut-wrenching accounts of men, from all walks of life, whose lives, children, careers, businesses, freedom, and assets were devastated irreparably by the divorce courts, judges, ambulance chasing attorneys, and women's advocacy groups. They showed statistics where 80% of divorces are filed by women (must be a lot of unhappy women out there). I walked out of this 3-hour seminar nauseated by what I heard! I saw the faces of dozens of men, both young and old, who looked like wounded animals begging for a bullet to the head. God help us men all. Remain single is my only advice.