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Henry Makow's Best Quips

September 8, 2020


 (My headstone. Some lines are just intended to shock and get a laugh.

I'm reposting this for new readers who may appreciate a good line as much as I do.
Let's get our minds off the coronavirus. We're driving ourselves crazy. The best resistance is for life to go on. 

For me, a good line is pure gold. I open my vault to you.

 "The conspiracy is like the weather. Everyone talks about it but no one does anything about it."

Updated from Nov. 23, 2017

by Henry Makow Ph.D. 

All that is required for the triumph of evil is for good men to be given good jobs.  

Prejudice is another word for experience. 

I believe in self-improvement, for other people. 

We live in a dogma-eat-dogma world.

The COVID hoax lockdown disproportionately hurts the industrious and protects the unproductive, i.e. government workers.

Homeopathic dog training. (Whisper the commands under your breath.)

When I attended university, we learned to question authority. Today, students learn to question their gender. 

Feminism harnessed the political power of women who couldn't get a date on Saturday night
(and ensured their ranks swelled.) 

I don't have to avoid temptation; temptation avoids me.

indian-massacre.jpgAs an ethnic Jew, I assimilated into the mainstream Christian culture. This is looking like I joined the Comanches in 19th century America.

A man's religion is his day. (It's not what you believe; it's what you do.) 

You have to be good to feel good. 

The law of personalities. Big personalities should marry little personalities.

In choosing a mate, seek someone with lower self esteem than you.

I looked in vain for someone to believe in me when I wouldn't believe in myself. No one believes in people who don't believe in themselves. We seek from others what we won't give ourselves.

I am solar-powered. I don't want to get up on an overcast day.

Referring to my early fame as "Ask Henry" (1961-1964) - Advice to Parents from a Kid, in 40 newspapers: 

I have a great future behind me.

Like Egypt and Greece, I peaked too early. 
We are grains in the sands of time.

I am the "Father of Socio-dynamics." I wanted to be the "Father of Hygiene" but my son refused to change his name.

Three laws of socio-dynamics. 1. We are attracted to people who have something we want. 2. We are repulsed by people who want something from us. 3. We are indifferent to people who don't fall into either category above. Special Fourth Law - We are attracted to people who may have something we may want in the future. 

Attending university "remotely" is like ordering take-out from Hooters.

Life begins with exalted expectations followed by a long, gradual decline until finally, we meet death with perfect equanimity.

After making a shipwreck of my life, I am cast up on the shores of old age.

"It was an up-day in the bear market of his mind." 

The way to impress women is Don't Try. 

Nothing demystifies women like marriage.

People don't age so much as ripen and spoil, like bananas.

(l. Lindsay Lohan)

The older I get, the younger I feel. (The Truth does make you free.)

If you live each day like it is your last, do you still have to clean the house? 

Me: You can't teach an old dog new tricks.  
Wife: Yes you can, but you're not a dog.

Teaching was bringing answers to people who had no questions. [They were the wrong answers (I was a socialist) but the observation still applies.]

A professor evaluation asked, "what is the best thing about Dr. Makow's class?"  
One girl answered, "Not too early in the morning, and not too late in the afternoon."

I didn't leave Canada. Canada left me. 

I have never been so happy in my life, but I'm still pretty depressed, partly because of the state of the world.

As "Lao Tzu"

The mind is a prison where the soul is tortured by thought. 

The major cause of unhappiness is the pursuit of happiness.

We have a stark choice: Conversion or Diversion.  We are slaves to the world inversely to our devotion to God. 

Empty your mind of all thoughts. What's left is the real you. (Why do we assume we must think all of the time?) 


c.2021 Henry Makow  (i.e. it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge the source.)  

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Henry Makow's Best Quips "

ISX said (September 9, 2020):

This is a very entertaining page. Thousands of years ago, only the tiniest percentage of populations were literate, and so, "wisdom sayings" played a major role in the intellectual/philosophical understandings of the people. Because of their concise character, and because so many of such sayings embody a kind of, "cognitive surprise-package", they have endured over the ages, and remain popular even today. Years ago,I saw one very clever quip in - of all things - a cookbook for American housewives. On each recipe-page, there would be an aphorism, a maxim. [ They had no connection with the recipe featured on that page. ] And one of these sayings was this one: " Love is blind - and marriage is - an eye-opener! "

I visit your web-page regularly, and I find the contents outstanding for their originality and their courageous boldness in conveying ideas that so many other websites find absolutely - "too hot to handle".

Ray said (September 8, 2020):

"Keeping a Gratitude Journal is a thankless task."

ZP said (July 19, 2019):

Henry this is by far the funniest expression of truths I’ve heard in a long time. I thank God for your courage, genius and wit.

Skip said (July 17, 2019):

Words cannot express how much I enjoyed this.

Paul said (July 17, 2019):

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to be given good jobs."

This is so true. I know of many good Christian men with good jobs and pensions who won't even march in a pro-life parade much less write a letter. And many say, "Christ is coming soon. He'll fix everything."

CK said (April 19, 2018):

If it wasn't for time, everything would happen at once.

Al Thompson said (April 19, 2018):

I'm not Jewish but I had the operation.
Courtesy of the Russian Rabbi I. Cutchapeckeroff.

I love you, honey, until the money runs out.

Roses are reddish, and violets are blueish, if it wasn't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish.

Do unto others but do it first.

Turn the other cheek and hit him again.

What does a Cadillac sound like speeding through Beverly Hills? Jeeeeeewwwwww!!

If I had it to do all over again, I'd do it all over you.

As Confucius may have said, women who drive upside down have hairy crack-up.

I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet.

From, Commiefornication in the Jewnited States of Kikestan

JG said (April 19, 2018):

As a1st Sergeant once told us in the military.
"People, opinions, and political views are always changing with the public.They don't remain constant".
When did a rose quit being a rose?
Another one I heard years ago was,
"Happiness is the byproduct of discipline".
When did short-term gratification in exchange for long-term misery ever become a good deal?

Hank Williams once did a song called 'Wealth won't Save your Soul'.

How very true this is. You don't even hear the word "soul" much used anymore these days. It has been gutted out of people's consciousness by the atheist secular de-humanists.
There are a lot of 'New Age' beliefs out there today. One of them is similar to the Hindu belief of Reincarnation that we keep coming back until we "get it right". If this is the case what then do we come back as? A man or woman? A Chinamen or an Englishmen? And, how long before we come back and where? Are we "not to worry" because we'll have another chance at it the next time around?

If we believe this then do we also believe that Jesus Christ died on the Cross for nothing? Salvation is now and not in a past or future life.

It's all about Jesus Christ. He has been given the authority over heaven and earth. There is no way into the 'Kingdom of Heaven" without him, it's his kingdom.

Ian M said (April 19, 2018):

Hi Henry, Just been reading your article my best quips and smiling. Some great ones there. I only can add one or two of mine. Please feel free to steal any that you like.

1. If you don't want to be you, who would you rather be or a wasp.
2. The truth is not decided by majority vote.
3. Lastly, If you don't start drinking in the morning, you can't drink all day.

Keep writing Henry, we disagree on some stuff, agree on other stuff, but I don't mind that, if you don't mind that, it's life.

Altez said (November 24, 2017):

I phone is the new golden calf.

DG said (November 24, 2017):

My sayings.

1. When faced with a powerful authority just say YES and do NO.

2. Always remember you have two choices. Most people believe they have no choice.

3. True contentment is doing nothing successfully.


Serge said (November 23, 2017):

You wrote : « I judge a religion by its effect on the believer's life. If believing in Heaven makes a person wholesome and happy, that's all that matters. In other words, religious belief has to be reverse-engineered. Believe what makes you a better, happier person. »

We can not agree with this pure subjectivism. God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth - and this is objectively demonstrable - exists independently of the opinion of his creatures. As a machine manufacturer - and how much more! - It is He and no one else who provides the instructions for use and the purpose of his work. That of man is the return to his Creator and the purpose of the (brief) earthly life is to deserve it. What better reward for the one who all his life was strained towards the Good, the Beautiful and the True, than to see them face to face in the person of God ? !

If you were right, everyone would be right, especially Jacques Attali who just said that he would have managed his life if the world was slightly worse after him ( !


Thanks Serge

How do you know this is subjective? It may be God speaking to you.


Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at