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For BPD's, People are Merely Objects

July 17, 2012

mom.jpegBorderline Personality Disorder

BPD's only seem to operate in two modes - black and white, on or off, I love you or I hate you.

by CC

Your latest guest contribution from Rosie completely nails what BPD involves and I can vouch for what she's saying as somebody who had a mother that I now realize suffers specifically from BPD. 

The book title Rosie mentioned called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" describes EXACTLY how my mom was back when she was still in my life.  Horrible vicious verbal abuse telling those closest to her all the reasons why she hates them and wants them out of her life, coupled with physical abuse, but when you oblige and run for the hills, there she is calling you on the phone in crying hysterics like a lost two year old, begging you to come back. 

So you go back, and then it's back to being icy cold and hateful, including 180-degree Jekyll and Hyde personality flip flopping from moment to moment, as well as delusions and paranoid accusations against you about things that never happened, so you leave again....and here comes the crying phone calls again.   I used to call it "push and pull."  

BPD's only seem to operate in two modes - black and white, on or off, I love you or I hate you. Their ability to love and empathize was thwarted in early childhood due to abuse and abandonment (which was the textbook case with my own mom - abandonment started for her at age two, so a part of her never progressed beyond that point, then later the abuse kicked in) and so as "adults" they behave as a
lost, scared, spoiled and empty children always throwing fits, who can only take take take, and never give, and who don't understand the needs of others, and don't know how to feel true love and empathy for other people or pets.

 "Love" for them is needy co-dependent dysfunction.  A case of "I love you because I need you" not "I need you because I love you."

People and animals are merely objects that they project their own dysfunction and neediness onto.   We take for granted that we can love another person or an animal for who they are, and not for "what emotional security and material gain can they provide for me." However for a dysfunctional, co-dependent Borderline like my mom, they seem unable to experience that. 

Borderlines are also deathly afraid of letting the people closest to them get close.  It's easier to heap physical and verbal abuse on them and keep them at an arms length than to risk loving them and getting close to them. 

And that's actually a bit sad, something to have empathy for I guess.  They've been denied one of the greatest things that one can experience while here. 

Another VERY important thing to realize about Borderlines is that they learned the hard way as children that life is a war zone; negative stuff is always coming at them and there's no protection from any of it in sight.

 As a consequence their over-the-top reactions and hyper vigilant paranoia and delusions as adults are often likened to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in nature.  It really is like that. 

As one of your readers noted in a previous comment, it's commendable that Rosie sought help and is able to acknowledge her issue.  That's usually not the case for most people with a personality disorder of any type. 

In my mother's case she lacks the ability for self awareness and does not admit wrong doing at any point, nor apologize for anything.  She allows her disorder to lead her around by the nose and never acknowledged that she has a problem.  

And because of that she lost a daughter 19 years ago who ran for the hills and never looked back.  She lost her son too.

I encourage people to research this subject.  Here's the link to the wikipedia page outlining the main behavioral symptoms of BPD for those who aren't familiar:   
Hopefully your series will make a few light bulb connections for readers who may not have realized that a problematic spouse or family member has this specific disorder.

Comments for "For BPD's, People are Merely Objects "

Jessica said (July 18, 2012):

These articles are so informative, yet the lines are blurred as to which condition one has because so many are so similar...

People who are NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), BPD, sociopaths, psychopaths, and whatever else the DSMV can label as such, can often resemble each other in character make-up and symptoms. The only way we can know what one suffers from is through evaluation by a 'professional'.

After several years, I have given up trying to figure out what it is my husband really suffers from, as he refused evaluation and diagnosis. Most only receive help when they cross the line in the law, get in trouble, and are forced. And whatever the diagnosis would be, they are all frightening facts for those affected by their actions or inactions.

What is sadder still is the way these people can project themselves onto others, both positively and negatively, creating a swarm of confusion by design in order to continue to appear as normal in their thinking and behaviors and place blame on anyone who may uncover their true hearts.

My conclusion in dealing with this situation firsthand is to realize the darkness of the spirits that have overcome these individuals and have enslaved them to be people who have no real clue that God is so real, His Word is TRUE, and that they can become free of the demons that are set to destroy them.

They are part of the many deceived and easy prey for the programming of the NWO. They have abandoned themselves INSIDE so that they cannot come to know who they were supposed to have become, as God designed them to be.

The Bible reveals in many places the condition and the cause, and instructs us on how to deal with them. I have studied this and became content in allowing God to deal with all of them.

In Esther 6:4 we see Haman's ego exposed, and in 3John 9 Diotrephes is shown to despise the truth of God coming to the brethren.

In Proverbs 9: 7-8, I experienced the shame of trying to reprove the scorner, and the blot referred to at the end of the passage can be defined as 'abuse or insult', both of which I received.

Proverbs 11:2-3 shows us the NPD, or whatever else, is destroyed for their perverseness.

2 Tim 3: 1-9 is the entire gammet of describing these conditions...a great word study into each word in Strong's Concordance on these scriptures proves how in these times the enemy appears to be succeeding in seductions so that these characteristics are intensified in people.

Isaiah 66:2 was for me one scripture that helped me to put God first in this matter and be what He called me to be.

There are many more scriptures that have enabled me to continue a relationship with God, healed me from the pain and abuse, and not give up on living....

Truly the world waxes COLD....and perverted love of self and greed have overtaken many...

But he who endures to the following Christ's example....shall be....saved.......

Rosie (author with BPD) said (July 18, 2012):

While I can certainly sympathize with her feelings, her take one BPD is what hurts me so bad. I have always said that I would rather have a mother who died loving me, than one who lives and abuses me. That being said, all BPD's are not the same. I am so sensitive and caring that it is almost sickening, even to me. My family protects me from tragic news as much as possible, because they know that it is so hard for me to handle.

The trauma that I endured did not make me a cold unfeeling person. It made me a very compassionate and caring person. I know that there are two sides and everyone is entitled to their opinion.

It's just that some of us have made a conscience decision to not allow circumstances to turn them into monsters. I have lost a few people because of my illness, but no one is going to love everyone. I guess I should just thank and be grateful. I have a niece that is kind of like she describes, but if it were my mother, I don't even want to think of how I would be.

Anmar said (July 18, 2012):

Remember there are also other Personality Disorders.

I study medicine in Europe and there is one girl I know who probably has a hysteric(histrionic) or a narcistic personality disorder. She fulfills the criteria for this disorder very well. She is very insecure and manipulative. She looks only for her advantage and uses other students. Also her starsign leo fits to this disorder. Each starsign has tendency fot a specific disorder.

David said (July 18, 2012):

I have a sister who is a textbook case of BPD: although she is a senior citizen now, she is emotionally frozen at the age of 8-12.

Her only response to any attempt at reason has ever been to scream, storm out of the room and slam a door. She never married although she was engaged on multiple occasions. I'm sure the reason those commitments fell through was because her boyfriends eventually realized how unbalanced she was and got out before she had a lock on their physical beings and incomes through marriage.

But always, her reaction to the breakups was to blame her immediate family members (siblings, mother, father) for "not accepting John/Carlos/Hans/Greg as the love of my life". She has a complete inability to confront her own problems or look in the mirror. It's always someone else's fault that her life has not worked out. Naturally, there is a long history of substance abuse, financial burden to family and, now, religious fanaticism. I agree religion has its place, but she uses it as a "get-out-of-jail-free" card for all her attacks on those around her. "You must forgive me for screaming at you and reducing your wife to tears because it's what Jesus would have done."

Before I heard the term Borderline Personality Disorder, I always used the term sociopath when describing her, as someone who is totally incapable of empathy for others (even loved ones), who sees the entire world in terms of "what makes ME feel good?", and who is oblivious to the grief and anguish she inflicts on everyone who is forced to deal with her.

She definitely accelerated the death of my parents, after a lifetime of emotional and mental abuse. They were two of the most decent, caring selfless people I've ever known, and I really believe this sickness that is inextricably tied to western civilization and the feminist movement, was so new and unfamiliar in their life experiences that they didn't know how to confront it or get help, but instead did whatever they had to to "keep the peace".

But of course there is never any peace living with someone who has BPD short of death, or going as far as the system of transportation reaches. Thanks for publishing these timely articles on a uniquely western disease.

John said (July 17, 2012):


You can walk out of your illness with the help of a Christian ministry in Thomaston, Georgia.

Please read the books Rejection, Fear and anything else from their website that interests you. Also, you can go to a 1-week course called For My Life in Thomaston, GA and they will teach you how to be free of your illness. Many people have been healed there, but I'll tell up front that you will have to COMMIT to practicing what they teach you, and getting completely healed may take some time.

Good luck with it!

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at