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My Dog Got His Notice Today (Attempt at Humor)

September 15, 2011

Future Shock for Pets

No country for old dogs.

"There's no way to sugarcoat this. Your services are no longer required."

by Henry Makow Ph.D.

Family pets generally have been shielded from the recession and widespread economic uncertainty.

Thus, they could remain indifferent to the sovereign debt crisis and its implications for the future.

No longer!

Today, I gave my dog two weeks notice.

"Raffi," I said. "Times have changed. A pet can no longer expect to spend his whole lifetime with just one owner. These days, the average dog needs three or four owners and a couple of part-time owners too."

He looked serious. He could tell I meant business.


"There's no way to sugarcoat this. Your services are no longer required.
Let me explain."

"First, I am disappointed in you. I wanted to train you to set an example for other dogs. I tried to teach you to not be so self-centered and to put your owner's needs ahead of your own. But you were never able to overcome your egoistic desire for dog biscuits and walks."

Raffi looked at me guiltily. 

"Nor were you much of a guard dog. Too friendly to strangers. Actually a bit of a slut."

Raffi give me a raffish grin.

"You're getting older. Not as cute but every bit as demanding. It's getting a bit tired.
Always sniffing, and peeing. And we've never enjoyed picking up your poop. "

Raffi was speechless. We had never had a talk like this.


"Yes, you're furry and loving and always glad to see us, but in hard times, these are luxuries."

We're downsizing. Depression-proofing. Dumping extra baggage. Dogs don't come cheap --  licenses, vets, beds, toys, food.  "

Raffi' couldn't believe his ears. "Extra baggage?" 

"We enjoyed your time with us. Eight years right? A real swell time. Sorry to see you go. Need a reference?"

"You have two weeks to find a new home. Try Kijiji.  In the meantime, we want you to train your replacement, a Chihuahua "

"Feel free to take your bowls and toys. And if you're in the neighborhood, drop by!"


"Yes, of course, I know I'm being heartless...winter coming and all. But, I guess you've figured it out by now.... I'm not the man you thought I was. Your ex-owner is .... a Republican."

Raffi's eyes registered disgust, and then spat defiance:

"I'll prove there's still a place in the world for old dogs. You seem to be doing alright!"


Related - "Support at Republican Debate for Letting Uninsured Die"

Related by Makow -  "The Dog Centered Life"

"We're Raising a Gender-Free Dog"

My Dog for the Two Dollar Coin

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "My Dog Got His Notice Today (Attempt at Humor)"

Jimmy said (September 16, 2011):

(to Raffi)

Don't worry, you should be able to find a nice bush or a deserted grade school which was closed because the Chihuahua's over breeding filled all the schools with their young Chihuahua pups and then state ran out of money to run the dog schools because the Chihuahua's used up all the money with their Section 8 dog housing, dog food stamps and free health care when they showed up at the emergency dog rooms (they also are now closed too from over-use (abuse)) with their young pups who only had minor colds.

Bruce said (September 16, 2011):

Wonderful article Henry and quite humorous; although the truth and sad issue of the matter is exactly how you described it; with the unemployment rate soaring to double digit figures; this is exactly what is happening. I live in the burbs of Pittsburgh, Pa and have noticed more roaming dogs than usual.

Actually your story is more akin to the master being the corporate job market, and the dog being the worker who has been told their "services are no longer needed"; a scenario
that has become the norm in the landscape of the modern day economy.

Raffi said (September 16, 2011):


No one found your attempt at humor to be funny. This will teach you never to even joke about firing man's best friend.

We are not amused.



Dear Raffi,

You know that when you live with a writer, everything is grist for the mill. I love you and will stick by you for ever, in good times and bad.


Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at