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Drunks Don't Like Sober Women

April 27, 2012


Male alcoholics don't like women who exhibit
more power by staying sober.
So Alcoholics Anonymous is the worst place for a woman to recover.

by Jessica PHX

Men don't like women who are more successful than they are in business.

Likewise, men in Alcoholics Anonymous don't like women with more sobriety than they.

If you find yourself getting more sobriety than the man you like, go on a binge and come back. Of course, I'm kidding, but I have a valid point also.

I've seen the way they treat women with more sobriety than them. The men in AA used to attack me verbally and never ask me out back when I had more sobriety than they.

Now that I've been drinking for three years and back in AA as a newcomer, the same men who didn't like me before are suddenly flirtatious, asking me out, and making goo goo eyes.

They offer their phone number and always want to talk after the meeting. It is highly frowned upon for members of the opposite sex to offer sponsorship or phone numbers. I've had three different men offer to sponsor me since my return. But suddenly they don't care about proper procedure or about being criticized.

It's like now they suddenly find me attractive. Never mind that I was younger and thinner before. It is shocking that men need this power differential in order to have feelings of attraction.

What had changed besides my being a drunk. The new element is that I heaped admiration on these men without even realizing it. Before my relapse these men had never felt admiration from me. Neither did I require their heroic assistance before.

There was a gorgeous young gal who just got her ten-year chip the other day. She never came back after the men lashed out at her.

I see this all the time. They used to lash out at me when I had a lot of sobriety. But now that I'm a newcomer, I can do no wrong. They tell me how beautiful I am and want to go to coffee.

Now don't think for one second that I would go to AA for any other reason than to quit drinking. I have a boyfriend from my church who I've been dating over a year.

Women would have to be crazy to seek mates at AA. It is full of criminals and ex-convicts. So, seriously, don't throw away your sobriety to attract one of them.

Instead, keep in mind the power differential whenever you are wondering why men are treating you a certain way. No alcoholic woman would get sober in AA if her life didn't depend on it. 

Power is at the heart of the male/female relationship and we see this even in AA.

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Drunks Don't Like Sober Women"

Dan said (April 28, 2012):

I think Jessica's giving good advice. People should only go to AA to quit drinking. She's very smart to get involved with a man through her church who never needed AA.

AA guidelines officially say new members should refrain from 'romantic' or sexual encounters for at least the first year of recovery. At the same time, AA tends to insist new members make all their personal life relationships within the program membership - forever.

Most AA people I've known remarry other AA members. Often they marry a new one every few years! I mean marrying an AA member doesn't seem to assure marital success.

However, people I've known that got sober through AA but then married someone they met in a church that had no addiction history, have stayed married. They also tend not to be members of AA anymore.

Robbie said (April 28, 2012):

As per the item, “Drunks Don't Like Sober Women” I expect “Man bashing” from the Main Stream media, not from your site.


Lighten up! The article shows sexual dynamics that i actually espouse. Women do want to look up to men and men want to be respected.


Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at