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"Male Fail" -- Why Can't Men Step Up?

July 31, 2012

"Maggie," a 34-year-old woman asks:

"Why would men want to be head of the family, provider, mentor, etc.
 when it seems too much work?" 

by "Maggie"
From what I read, one of the biggest tenets of your belief system is that men need to be men, and take back their power.
Well, I wonder how you even think this is possible. Many of the men I know are lazy, more than happy to let women be breadwinners, more than happy to let women not only take on the child-raising and homemaking chores, but the financial responsibility as well.

While some might not expect their wives to be breadwinners, their wives sure as hell had better be out in the world "earning their keep" so to speak.

I know no men who open doors for women. Many of the men I know (when it comes to their children) are either overly-authoritarian, or have no authority whatsoever.

There is no middle ground of "father knows best", where respect is simply given because that is the way children are raised to behave. 

Many men I know are hooked on porn and think it is a normal part of life.  Many men I know waste their lives playing video games, as if they are teenage boys.

Many of the men I know are overgrown frat boys, who want to drink beer with their friends and have fun.  They do not want the responsibilities of married family life - even if they are already married.

So my question is, why would men take back their role as head of the family, provider, mentor, etc. when it simply seems too much work?  It can't be nearly as fun. 

You seem to want to point the finger at women for taking over - how can we not? Someone has to be responsible. Someone has to provide. Someone has to make a home.

And with all that responsibility comes a sense of independence that men are just as responsible for creating.

If men don't like it - why are they feeding into it?   You say they are brainwashed. I don't know. They seem pretty happy with their new-found role in society.

I have a son that I want to raise to be a man. I am starting to doubt this is possible in this society where men are more than happy to hand the reins over to women so they can sit back and cruise.


Dear Maggie,

It appears most people don't learn anything they are not taught. Why can't men step up? They have been deliberately taught bad habits. Illuminati social engineering and laws have emasculated them and encouraged extended adolescence. Many men have been victimized by the law and are bitter and fed up. (see Comments below)  

Why should men step up anyway? One word: Family. It's worth fighting for.  
The love between married couples and between parents and children is their best chance for happiness in life.

Children are our organic growth. They are "us" projected into the future. That's why they deserve our concentrated energy.

Men need to step up to being head of the family -- protector and provider -- and find a woman who wants to be their helpmate.

If they do not wish to, then they shouldn't have children. This is a critical choice every man must make.

The key to masculinity is power and self-confidence. No women can give this to men. It is achieved through the satisfaction, recognition and reward a man gets from work well-done.

Work is the backbone of a man. He should find work he enjoys and excels at. Later, he gets satisfaction from having built a strong loving family, with beautiful, capable children.  



I asked Maggie about her husband. She replied:
Yes, and I probably should
have mentioned that!  I am 34-years-old, and this is my second marriage. He is actually a bit more "old school" (he is 15 years older than I am), which I completely appreciate. He doesn't fit the mold of most of the men I described below - he believes in taking care of his family (which is now a blended family between the two of us), and works extremely hard to support all of us (even his ex-wife even via alimony).  My only complaint about him in this respect would be that he is not strict enough with his children and lets them walk all over him at times.

However, my ex-husband fits the mold I described, as do the husbands of my women friends, which is sort of what prompted me to write to you.

My first husband quit a job three months after we married because he "didn't like it" (and remained unemployed for 6 months, only to return to the workforce in a low-end job) but when I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, he wouldn't  even consider it.

By that time, I had a pretty good job, and was the main bread winner, which he liked. I took care of everything in the home, meals, cleaning, sometimes even the yard work, paying bills, finances, etc.

 He would be hung over and laying on the couch every Sunday, and would be irritated with me for interrupting his TV time to vacuum the living room.

One friend, who has held a steady job with an awesome company for 10 years, and is the main breadwinner, is married to a man who just lost his fourth job.

This man does none of the parenting or the housework, even though he contributes very little elsewhere.

Another friend had a lifeless marriage with a man who avoided divorce for many years because he liked the lifestyle her career allowed.

He was able to work second shift, sleep late every day, work at night and avoid the normal responsibilities associated with parenting because of his night shift position. She is a manager in a large company and has a very demanding career, yet had no help in parenting or taking care of the home.

These examples are par for the course in the community in which I live. Many of the people we know still hang out in groups, as if they are still in a college fraternity, drinking every weekend. Those that aren't married are "hooking up", and those that are married don't seem all that happy.

I believe a husband should lead. But I see more and more that they don't seem to want to!


Related - Politically Incorrect Advice for Young Men


Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for ""Male Fail" -- Why Can't Men Step Up? "

Ty said (August 2, 2012):

The question isn't why "can't" men step up but rather why can't women step DOWN! Get the hell out of the way Women and FOLLOW like you were designed to do! Men like me are sick and tired of being sabotaged in ever effort we make when we lead. If it isn't your wife than it is your wife's family attacking. If it isn't the her family, then it is your own extended family. If it isn't them- then it the kids brainwashed by the state. If it isn't the kids, it is the state them self. We men are fed up fighting a system that is complete designed to screw us in every move we make. I have decided to live next to my ex, control my own life and share the children 50/50. This present ex is on-board with that as she now is seeing why I gave up even trying 5 years ago.

Jim said (August 2, 2012):

The reason why husbands fail to lead is because their wives won't let them. If a husband makes a decision concerning the family it will be scrutinized to the nth degree.Then if it doesn't work out exactly to his wife's liking she will nag and harangue the poor bastard and he will be reminded of his failure until the day he dies. If he does makes a correct decision she will never let him have the pleasure of knowing that it was a good choice.

The consequence is that the husband will develop a fear and will doubt his ability to lead his family. So, he will just lay low and let his wife lead in order to avoid the persistent faultfinding and complaints. But then she'll still complain because he won't lead. He's in a lose/lose situation.

I think the problem is that women don't know how to be wives. They've been indoctrinated with so much feminist BS that they've lost their natural ability to be caretakers. The women I was married to found human imperfection unforgivable. They weren't helpmates, they were scolds.

Robbie said (August 1, 2012):

Hi Maggie,

It is as simple as this, “A man can only lead a woman who desires to be lead.”

Very few women want to be lead.

Rick said (August 1, 2012):

Modern women are NOT the real ladies they used to be and the same goes for this generation of men, if we can call them so. Women HATE a REAL MAN. They know he will NEVER allow him to control them.

A man is the head of the household. It's been like that since the beginning of time and it will continue to be so for years to come. A modern man, is what they call a "Metro man", he still hasn't figure it out what he is, who he is, what he wants and where his going and these feminazis are well aware of it, and control them with their little toe.

I am 55 years old, married twice to a couple "control freaks" who used to tell me:" Either you do it our way, or you are NOT getting it".

I walked out...twice. I don't need that shit in my life. Both my sons were married and are now divorced, thank God, with no kids. When they saw what I went through with the Corrupt Family court System and the Divorce courts, it gave them the incentive NOT to have children. Well done boys.

Maureen said (August 1, 2012):

Sadly, I think it is a loosing battle.....until all of us both male and female wake up to what the hell is going on in this word.....the TRUTH.......nothing will change. People aren't aware of how they are being deceived.....and I think that is on MANY levels......I think both sexs are equally bad....

I agree with what Maggie wrote but to say that it is all in their court is simply ridiculous. It is ALL of us.....women have their things they contribute to this horrible situation as well. I think there are awesome points made by all who sent in comments....but it is not one sided people.

What I see is one caring person being partnered with one that is not. Whether it be the man or is always both ways. I think their are 2 kinds of people...people that care how they affect others....and those that don't.

I also think the days of always giving moms the children should be we can clearly see....we should not be so leaning to one side or should be what ever partner is the best for the child......It worries me a little to see so much anger coming from males...and females to be quick to say ..IT'S THEIR FAULT!

I know that there are good men out there...and there are good women too but they are not as easy to find these days....we should not let our anger get us to the point of placing all blame on either sex solely. Maybe at the very least....until all people are aware of how they are being led to think one way or another...people need to be more selective in picking their partners.....that's about the best one can do without the masses waking up.

Daniel said (August 1, 2012):

What women fail realize is that men are extremely functional and will not do something unless they see function in it or out of necessity. For example men of the past when they got married and had children worked 2-3 jobs because they needed to and it was for the best function of the family; women of yesteryear used to stay home with the kids always which allowed men to "step up" which was for the best fu unction of the family. As you say Henry they compliment each other. Why would a man consider working harder or furthering his education if his wife is already bringing home a good salary?? It just doesn't make sense.

Cliff Shackinanda said (August 1, 2012):

Happiness is within. It is not due to external circumstances.

Being the successful male head of a stable family may seem to imbue happiness but happiness is always here. The egoic mind gives itself permission to drink from the ocean of happiness and peace once it satisfies a certain criteria within an accepted belief system. "I am a successful male in society" slurp, slurp, gulp, gulp that happiness tastes great.

The truth is we don't need family for happiness. That is an idea. Who believes such an idea? The thinker. Who is the thinker? Merely another idea...the thought "I."

Disagree? Ask yourself, "Who wants a family?" "Who wants happiness?" If you answer with the thought "I" you may begin to see my point.

Wade said (August 1, 2012):

Following the manufacturers instruction manual in the operation of an airplane, an automobile, and really anything, even the least complicated piece of equipment, is critical to our successful
operation of whatever it is. I know you agree.

When it comes to male / female relationships, family and children, we have a manufacturers instruction
manual. It comes directly from the manufacturer of all humanity. The one who made us in the first place
knows how this all works out successfully.

"All has been heard. The end of the matter is fear God. Know and worship Him, keep His commandments.
For this is the whole of man. The full original purpose of His creation. the object of God's providence, the root of character,
the foundation of all happiness, the adjustment to all inharmonious circumstances and conditions, and the whole
duty for every man".

The central problem in all human endeavors and relationships is that we have all gone astray. Each one to his own
way. We refuse to humble ourselves before the mighty hand of God. Mankind insists on being their own god.

Hense, we have confusion, chaos, and every evil thing.

Justin said (August 1, 2012):

Maggie hit the nail on the head. She is absolutely correct: the cause of this sorry state of the World is "The Failure of Men". One need look no further. Well done.

The complete abdication of assigned responsibilities, by Men, has horrible effects.

Girls grow up watching that pathetic lump of a father cave-in to their mother's
wishes, and demands, because most men are craven cowards, and irresponsible a-holes.

They set no Standards because they have none. Lazy, perverted, arrogant and Stupid.

Girls soon learn that men are not worthy of respect, nor obedience, because they are
NOT. The Father-Daughter relationship is the most critically important one in her young life. A fathers approval, overt AND discreet, is essential to her emotional,
and psychological well-being. She will search all her life for it, everywhere, if
not given by "Father". The fall-out from this colossal failure is immense.

The number of old boys, pretending to be Parents, is appalling. They are discredited
monstrosities demanding they be 'respected'; all they deserve is anger, and scorn.

They ignore everything, but themselves. They would benefit from a severe beating.

Anonymous said (August 1, 2012):

"Many men I know waste their lives playing video games, as if they are teenage boys."

Look Henry when you have wage rates that are 15 to 20 cents on the dollar, houses that are so expensive that god would be hard pressed to buy one and every other activity a guy likes being too regulated, illegal or expensive why not play video games? It is relatively cheap, except in extreme cases causes very little harm and can be an adrenaline rush when playing on line.

Most players are too busy to get involved with drugs, booze, illicit sex, troublesome interpersonal relationships or watching the illuminati boob tube. Some of the more talented players also modify their maps and games to improve the quality of the game.

When men get paid to live in this world, buy houses and raise families and enjoy other activities I am sure men will find alternatives to video games on their own. Or if you like , if something pays, is both interesting and satisfying you will get more of it.

Jim said (August 1, 2012):

Are men really failing or are the women beguiled by the illusions of a "better deal"? Could be something like Eve succumbed to. She was lied to and took the bait. She certainly is not one of the great women in human history.
Since I am not a woman I don't really know what each and every woman who divorces her husband and destroys the family unit thinks she is going to get as a "better deal" after the deed is done. Could be money, sex, or power or all three. What she doesn't realize is that ultimately she will be all alone, unhappy, and a dark blot on the family tree. Not much of a legacy when compared to the great wives, moms, and grandmothers of our once great country. Family has been a "big deal" in most all enduring cultures. Not so any longer in America. Thanks a lot all you women who are making this degradation of our culture possible.

Len said (August 1, 2012):

Anyone one who cannot see how the "ruling elite & social engineers" have virtually destroyed BOTH men
and women in their respective roles toward one another is simply DEAD-BLIND.

I have very little respect for most females today because they are virtually incapable of properly relating to a man as a husband and will NOT hold their loyalty to their marriage vows OR to their so-called profession of "love" toward their husband. In other words: they are fickle. VERY much so.

That most men are emasculated today is a given. Blame feminism and the people who have propagated it and swallowed it whole.

What has happened between men & women in our day & age is one of the worst evils ever dreamed up by satan & his large crowd of followers. ... and I thank GOD every day that I have a good & godly woman as a wife for some 24 years now. I wouldn't trade her for anyone or anything. ever.

Andrew said (August 1, 2012):

I am a 25-year-old single white male. Women do not want men to open doors for them. They want to be insulted, denigrated, and humiliated. I've seen it in my own dating experiences and in my friend's dating experiences. When I treat women well, I never hear from them again. When I treat women like dirt, they love it.


I blame the baby boomers generation for all of this. All of the "flower children" were off getting doped up on LSD and listening to the Beatles. Far out, man! Down with the system! Down with responsibility! The leftist plague was born.

My parents disciplined me. My parents made Church and God a foundation of my life. If you look at the world around you, it's pretty easy to see why things are so screwed up. God is nowhere to be found, abortion is rampant, fornication is rampant, homosexuality is rampant, and discipline does not exist. We are living in an amoral society and are on the verge of World War 3.

I recommend you go and listen to Paul Harvey's "If I were the devil" monologue and maybe you'll find your answer.


David said (August 1, 2012):

In regards to "Male Fail" -- Why Can't Men Step Up?

Which is morally the correct path ? Becoming a Pick Up Artist ? A
slacker addicted to porn or video games?

Or a someone like Daryl and me, a Christian ATM supporting (on threat of prison) the new leisure class of adulteress whore child abusers and their boy toys living off of alimony and child support?

I think that the PUA or video game porn addict route is the moral
choice. The immoral choice is to give women (like the author) the
opportunity to destroy yet another man's life on a whim. Far better to cut her off.

Thank goodness the younger generation is starting to get it.

Al said (July 31, 2012):

A mature young man will want to have a nice wife and children. That, right there, is the whole key to a happy life. A young man should plan his education and his training so that he can be the primary source of the family's income. Young people should get married earlier and have their children sooner. Now, it is done the other way around and the results are bad.

I would not like having no family of any kind. The NWO agenda is here to destroy all things that produce happiness. Having a family gives a person a sense of belonging and security. A man who doesn't want to have that is immature and he just wants an excuse to play and have a good time. The problem with that is that it isn't realistic, nor is it going to produce a happy future.

Now, some of the men have responded with the problem that divorce did to their lives. And I see young men now looking at the "family law" system and not wanting to get married again. I'm an old guy, so while I don't like being alone, getting married to the modern woman is another drama I don't think I want. I would need to have a sweet little angel. The problem with all of this is that most of us started out wrong: fornication, multiple partners, divorce, and remarriage--it is all way too much trouble. Marriage is supposed to be for life. The early Roman Empire did not allow divorce for 500-600 years because it was too destructive to their society. But women, via the feminist movement has all but destroyed the good relationships between men and women. Divorce is the most rotten thing to ever have to go through, but it happens because some men don't accept their responsibilities to be real men, and many women don't want real men.

Doug said (July 31, 2012):

I do agree with Darryl. I am 15 year divorced, MBA, condo paid, paid off my MBA school loan, self employed with 10 associates, great credit score, blalbla blah. Basically very content at 44. But I am so scared to get remarried. If it was not for the U.S. government court system I would jump in gladly.

I have stepped up...paid my child support in full, am financially and emotionally stable, and am blessed at where I am at my age.

Just like there are bad men there are also bad women and the system still sides with the women.. My own mother, 32 years of serving at a Baptist missionary who graduated from a conservative Bible school in Canada fell in the feminist trap of divorcing my dad and getting everything she could from him. Thankfully dad found a great older gal, my bonus mom (aka step mom), then he is who has stayed old schooled.

Bottom line, I am not risking my last part of my life praying that my second wife will not take all she can from me. I rather be single and have girlfriends and stay happy and stress free. I rather have the stress of figuring out my diving vacations then waiting for the "frying pan" hitting me in the head again. That bump on my head reaches down still to my heart!

PS: I thank my ex wife for cheating and leaving me for a younger man after 6 years of marriage. Looking back that was my 3rd ( 1st being my Savior Jesus and 2nd my parents) best life present!

Dan said (July 31, 2012):

Having endured the legalized robbery that exists in ‘family law’, I will accept the female opinion of acceptable male behavior when my opinion of acceptable female behavior is written into law. In the meantime, I couldn’t care less what a woman thinks.

Maggie (author) said (July 31, 2012):

I agree that family is the one and only foundation, unfortunately, the way our boys and girls are being inundated by the media, I'm sure they are coming to the conclusion that family and marriage are old, boring, antiquated institutions that have no relevance in a modern world. It is sad. I will do my best to raise my children otherwise.

Darryl said (July 31, 2012):

The article on why Men Fail to Lead, is as usual very short sighted. Ask any man that has gone through a divorce that he didn’t want & he will tell you why. Ask the sons of men that have gone through that tragedy & they can tell you why they don’t want to lead.

I was a typical hard working man, Christian, had our 3 children in Christian school & thought everything was very good. Went on vacations, trying to do everything I knew to do for my wife & family.

After 10 yrs of marriage, my wife decides to divorce me.

Thankfully she leaves me with the 3 children. I & the children are devastated but we manage to carry on without her. 4 yrs later she comes back & takes the children from me & moves 500 miles away.

Of course I have to pay child support & OF COURSE she had NEVER paid me any. Oh ya, I had also got all of the bills when she left.

There is no reason for men to stand up & lead. We have had everything stripped from us & we are left heart broken, spirit broken & penniless. Our Sons have seen what the court systems has done to their Fathers, & other men & their children, so why should they try?

Thanks to our pastors, Christian leaders & judges over the last 40 years they have totally destroyed men & their sons & our society.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at