A Young Man's Sexual Self-Realization
July 18, 2011
"As a whole, my relations with women are totally different. I don't worship them like I did before. I don't struggle to please them the way I did."
by Michael Timmons
Sex is like the nuclear power of the spirit.
In a controlled form, nuclear power provides massive amounts of energy to large groups of people. However if control is lost, millions of people are killed or exposed to harmful radiation. Sex has a similar impact on the soul. In an unrestrained form, sexual energy enslaves and manipulates men.
Control over sexual energy develops the self-discipline and confidence men need to be independent and stand up for themselves.
In the winter of 2009, my life fell apart. I was desperately in love with a girl who suddenly decided she wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I was devastated and sank deep into depression.
I searched my soul and needed to find a way to reclaim myself. I eventually decided to give up masturbation for forty days. At this point, I had been addicted to masturbation for ten years and used it to numb myself emotionally. Growing up overweight with a very critical alcoholic father, I was constantly embarrassed and had no confidence.
The next few days were some of the most difficult of my life. I had terrible headaches and became very irritable with the people around me. I was more combative and less tolerant of others.
A female friend of mine asked me "What's been wrong with you lately? You've been a real asshole."
I shrugged but was embarrassed by her comment.
Gradually, I embraced the change in my attitude. People don't take advantage of me anymore, I learned to be a man and stand up for myself.
After the first few days, the headaches stopped and it got better. Each time I felt like giving in, I prayed for strength and relief was given to me. The key was that I did not claim to be doing this on my own, but requested the help of God.
The forty day process taught me more than I ever expected. It showed me the difference between want and need. Although I want sex, I do not need it to live. The forty days also gave me a tremendous sense of self-discipline and confidence in myself that I had never known.
After the forty days were over, I felt I had demonstrated control and decided to masturbate again. As I finished, I felt empty and alone. Almost as if my soul had left my body and I was emotionally numb again. I went outside and sat on a bench in the dark spring night but couldn't even feel it, I was sedated.
Since those forty days in 2009, I decided to give up masturbation for good and have been blessed with success. The next year, I completed a twelve day detox fast from food. Since then, I have gradually improved my diet and exercise regularly. I am no longer overweight and continue to look for new ways to grow and challenge myself.
My new-found confidence and self-discipline has also helped me stand up for the truth. Now when my college professors spew homosexual and feminist propaganda, I openly disagree and challenge their arguments in class. Most of the time I still receive good grades due to the high quality of my work but some lesbian professors have penalized me for not agreeing with them.
As a whole, my relations with women are totally different. I don't worship them like I did before. I don't struggle to please them the way I did. I am more comfortable being myself and always willing to walk away if a woman doesn't deserve me. I am looking for the best mother for my future children and will not settle for anything less.
I have also learned that true, meaningful sex is meant to be the intimate physical representation of the spiritual love between a husband and wife. Any other forms or representations of sex are not enough for me anymore.
Pornography is a technological portrayal through a machine that can never capture the excitement of reality. One night stands aren't enough because they have no meaning and are totally impersonal. It's like meeting a total stranger you don't really care about and trying to have a deep conversation.
I pray and hope for the strength to wait for my future wife.