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Why Young Men Are Avoiding Marriage

October 14, 2009

MarriageSign.jpg"Young women are dishonest, self-involved, slutty, manipulative, shallow, controlling, and gold-digging."

By Kay S. Hymowitz

A report from the chaotic post-feminist dating scene, where only the strong survive (Abridged)

Earlier this year, I published an article in City Journal called "Child-Man in the Promised Land." The piece elicited a roaring flood of mailed and blogged responses, mostly from young men who didn't much care for its title (a reference to Claude Brown's 1965 novel Manchild in the Promised Land) or its thesis: that too many single young males (SYMs) were lingering in a hormonal limbo between adolescence and adulthood, shunning marriage and children, and whiling away their leisure hours with South Park reruns, marathon sessions of World of Warcraft, and Maxim lists of the ten best movie fart scenes.

It would be easy enough to hold up some of the callow ranting that the piece inspired as proof positive of the child-man's existence. But the truth is that my correspondents' objections gave me pause. Their argument, in effect, was that the SYM is putting off traditional markers of adulthood--one wife, two kids, three bathrooms--not because he's immature but because he's angry. He's angry because he thinks that young women are dishonest, self-involved, slutty, manipulative, shallow, controlling, and gold-digging. He's angry because he thinks that the culture disses all things male. He's angry because he thinks that marriage these days is a raw deal for men.

Here's Jeff from Middleburg, Florida: "I am not going to hitch my wagon to a woman . . . who is more into her abs, thighs, triceps, and plastic surgery. A woman who seems to have forgotten that she did graduate high school and that it's time to act accordingly." Jeff, meet another of my respondents, Alex: "Maybe we turn to video games not because we are trying to run away from the responsibilities of a 'grown-up life' but because they are a better companion than some disease-ridden bar tramp who is only after money and a free ride." Care for one more? This is from Dean in California: "Men are finally waking up to the ever-present fact that traditional marriage, or a committed relationship, with its accompanying socially imposed requirements of being wallets with legs for women, is an empty and meaningless drudgery." You can find the same themes posted throughout websites like AmericanWomenSuck, NoMarriage, MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), and Eternal Bachelor ("Give modern women the husband they deserve. None").

The reason for all this anger, I submit, is that the dating and mating scene is in chaos. SYMs of the postfeminist era are moving around in a Babel of miscues, cross-purposes, and half-conscious, contradictory female expectations that are alternately proudly egalitarian and coyly traditional. And because middle-class men and women are putting off marriage well into their twenties and thirties as they pursue Ph.D.s, J.D.s, or their first $50,000 salaries, the opportunities for heartbreak and humiliation are legion. Under these harsh conditions, young men are looking for a new framework for understanding what (or, as they might put it, WTF) women want. So far, their answer is unlikely to satisfy anyone--either women or, in the long run, themselves.


Now, men and women have probably been a mystery to one another since the time human beings were in trees; one reason people developed so many rules around courtship was that they needed some way to bridge the Great Sexual Divide. By the early twentieth century, things had evolved so that in the United States, at any rate, a man knew the following: he was supposed to call for a date; he was supposed to pick up his date; he was supposed to take his date out, say, to a dance, a movie, or an ice-cream joint; if the date went well, he was supposed to call for another one; and at some point, if the relationship seemed charged enough--or if the woman got pregnant--he was supposed to ask her to marry him. Sure, these rules could end in a midlife crisis and an unhealthy fondness for gin, but their advantage was that anyone with an emotional IQ over 70 could follow them.

Today, though, there is no standard scenario for meeting and mating, or even relating. For one thing, men face a situation--and I'm not exaggerating here--new to human history. Never before have men wooed women who are, at least theoretically, their equals--socially, professionally, and sexually.

By the time men reach their twenties, they have years of experience with women as equal competitors in school, on soccer fields, and even in bed. Small wonder if they initially assume that the women they meet are after the same things they are: financial independence, career success, toned triceps, and sex.

But then, when an SYM walks into a bar and sees an attractive woman, it turns out to be nothing like that. The woman may be hoping for a hookup, but she may also be looking for a husband, a co-parent, a sperm donor, a relationship, a threesome, or a temporary place to live. She may want one thing in November and another by Christmas. "I've gone through phases in my life where I bounce between serial monogamy, Very Serious Relationships and extremely casual sex," writes Megan Carpentier on Jezebel, a popular website for young women. "I've slept next to guys on the first date, had sex on the first date, allowed no more than a cheek kiss, dispensed with the date-concept altogether after kissing the guy on the way to his car, fucked a couple of close friends and, more rarely, slept with a guy I didn't care if I ever saw again." Okay, wonders the ordinary guy with only middling psychic powers, which is it tonight?


In fact, young men face a bewildering multiplicity of female expectations and desire. Some women are comfortable asking, "What's your name again?" when they look across the pillow in the morning. But plenty of others are looking for Mr. Darcy. In her interviews with 100 unmarried, college-educated young men and women, Jillian Straus, author of Unhooked Generation, discovered that a lot of women had "personal scripts"--explicit ideas about how a guy should act, such as walking his date home or helping her on with her coat. Straus describes a 26-year-old journalist named Lisa fixed up for a date with a 29-year-old social worker. When he arrives at her door, she's delighted to see that he's as good-looking as advertised. But when they walk to his car, he makes his first mistake: he fails to open the car door for her. Mistake Number Two comes a moment later: "So, what would you like to do?" he asks. "Her idea of a date is that the man plans the evening and takes the woman out," Straus explains. But how was the hapless social worker supposed to know that? In fact, Doesn't-Open-the-Car-Door Guy might well have been chewed out by a female colleague for reaching for the office door the previous week.

The cultural muddle is at its greatest when the dinner check arrives. The question of who grabs it is a subject of endless discussion on the hundreds of Internet dating sites. The general consensus among women is that a guy should pay on a first date: they see it as a way for him to demonstrate interest. Many men agree, but others find the presumption confusing. Aren't the sexes equal? In fact, at this stage in their lives, women may well be in a better position to pick up the tab: according to a 2005 study by Queens College demographer Andrew Beveridge, college-educated women working full-time are earning more than their male counterparts in a number of cities, including New York, Chicago, Boston, and Minneapolis.

Sure, girls can--and do--ask guys out for dinner and pick up the check without missing a beat. But that doesn't clarify matters, men complain. Women can take a Chinese-menu approach to gender roles. They can be all "Let me pay for the movie tickets" on Friday night and "A single rose? That's it?" on Valentine's Day. This isn't equality, say the male-contents; it's a ratification of female privilege and, worse, caprice. "Women seemingly have decided that they want it all (and deserve it, too)," Kevin from Ann Arbor writes. "They want to compete equally, and have the privileges of their mother's generation. They want the executive position, AND the ability to stay home with children and come back into the workplace at or beyond the position at which they left. They want the bad boy and the metrosexual."


Adding to the bitterness of many SYMs is the feeling that the entire culture is a you-go-girl cheering section. When our guy was a boy, the media prattled on about "girl power," parents took their daughters to work, and a mysterious plague seemed to have killed off boys, at least white ones, from school textbooks. To this day, male-bashing is the lingua franca of situation comedies and advertising: take the dimwitted television dads from Homer Simpson to Ray Romano to Tim Allen, or the guy who starts a cooking fire to be put out by his multitasking wife, who is already ordering takeout. Further, it's hard to overstate the distrust of young men who witnessed divorce up close and personal as they were growing up. Not only have they become understandably wary of till-death-do-us-part promises; they frequently suspect that women are highway robbers out to relieve men of their earnings, children, and deepest affections.

As the disenchanted SYM sees it, then, resistance to settling down is a rational response to a dating environment designed and ruled by women with only their own interests in mind. "Men see all of this, and wonder if it's really worth risking all in the name of 'romance' and 'growing up,' " a correspondent who calls himself Wytchfinde explains. "After all, if women can be hedonistic and change the rules in midstream when it suits them, why shouldn't men? Why should men be responsible when women refuse to look into the mirror at their own lack of accountability?"

So, men like Wytchfinde conclude: No more Mister Nice Guy! They will dump all those lessons from their over-feminized childhood and adolescence. They will join what the Boston Globe has called the "Menaissance." And they will buy titles like The Alphabet of Manliness (K is for Knockers, Q is for Quickies), The Retrosexual Manual, Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants, and actor Jim Belushi's recent Real Men Don't Apologize.

......Sealing the deal for Darwinists is their quarry's biological clock. The main reason that young educated adults are increasingly marrying in their late twenties and thirties is that women are pursuing education and careers, but ironically, the delay works to men's advantage. Once they get past their awkward late teens and early twenties, men begin to lose their metaphorical baby fat. They're making more money, the pool of available women has grown, and they have more confidence. "I could get a woman now, but when I'm 30 or 35 I could do better," Bryson, an otherwise nice-guy 24-year-old from D.C., tells me.



Darwinist dating may explain the litany of stories you hear from women about the troglodytes in their midst. "We can be slovenly from the start," one interview subject told Amy Cohen in her dating column for the New York Observer, "because we can get laid anytime we want." Remember those women who want a guy who will open the car door for them? They may be lucky if they find one willing to add "please" to "Pass the ketchup." Women complain that instead of calling to ask them out, or even make plans for a date, men simply text, "Heading downtown. Where r u?" as they walk to the subway. That may be deliberate. "There is no longer any reason to answer the phone when a woman calls you or return her call when she leaves you a message," insists one dating pro at World of Seduction. "What should you do? Text message, of course." Text messages, he argues, deflect unnecessary personal involvement and keep women on edge. Game goes even further, actually encouraging men to "neg" their "target" women--that is, to undermine their confidence subtly by ignoring or mildly insulting them. The hotter the woman, the more essential it is to neg her.

Indeed, the Darwinists wonder, why pretend we're interested in anything other than sex? Jillian Straus recalls meeting a man at a Hamptons pool party who, early on in their conversation, asked: "So, are you getting any?" One of Cohen's lessons in contemporary politesse came on a first date with a man who asked her how many guys she had slept with and whether she owned a vibrator.

.... In a review of the movie Sex and the City, the English author Toby Young remembers the five years he had lived in New York: "Attractive single girls not only dropped their 'dates' at the slightest whiff of a bigger, better deal, they routinely betrayed their girlfriends, too." (As his only half-facetious name suggests, Carrie's Mr. Big is pure alpha--rich and, as if proving the conclusions of recovering nice guys everywhere, a bit of a jerk.)

...It would be easy enough to write off the dating Darwinists as simple renegades against female empowerment. Easy, but misleading. Menaissance men think that women's equality has brought real benefits, though they might not agree with women about what those benefits are. "We can have sex with as many women as we want and not have to worry about making any of them pregnant," one of my more upbeat respondents, an SYM named Curtis, writes. "Men are having more freedom and fun than ever before in all of history as a result of this, because if there's one thing every single man can agree upon, it's that having sex with as many women as possible is a great thing." Seduction artists even say they prefer savvy women who understand Game as a male version of cleavage-revealing tops. Attracting the opposite sex is, well, a game--an intricate and thrilling game.


Moreover, the Darwinists have not just hard-luck stories on their side, but hard data as well. Forty years after they threw off the feminine mystique, women continue to prefer bigger, stronger, richer men, at least as husbands. They almost always marry men who are taller than they are, men who are several years older than they are (though the age difference has declined in recent decades), and men who earn more than they do (though that number, too, has declined a bit). Most of the women interviewed by Jillian Straus say that they're looking for a man who can be the primary breadwinner. A June 2008 New Scientist article reports on two studies that even suggest that women are biologically attracted to "jerks"; researchers speculate that narcissistic, risk-taking men had an evolutionary advantage. Can anyone doubt the reason the gyms swarm with so many guys bench-pressing 250 pounds? Sculpted pecs are to today's SYM what plumage is to the peacock.

In fact, some people would wager that the Darwinian answer to dating chaos is our future normal. "I have lived in many places, countries, and cultures," Douglas Gurney from Montgomery, Alabama, writes. "This is a worldwide phenomenon. The behavior of men is simply a response (which is actually a quite logical one) to the changing behavior of women. Simply put, men are a breeding experiment run by women. You reap what you sow--and when a man can sow all he wants and leave the reaping to others, well, why not?"

Kay S. Hymowitz is a contributing editor of City Journal and the William E. Simon Fellow at the Manhattan Institute. Her latest book is Marriage and Caste in America.


Thanks to Nader for sending this article.


Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Why Young Men Are Avoiding Marriage"

Shawn said (October 16, 2009):

Having read the article and the comments that followed, I have to say the article misses the mark and the womens comments are almost heart breaking...

I'm a 29 year old man and have never been married, and have likely left a trail of disappointed women in my wake. But the reason for my inability to commit, get married, or have children has little to do with the women, and everything to do with the tremendous civil liability that marriage and children brings onto a man in this country. Notice I said liability and not responsibility. Right now the laws regarding marriage, sex, money, children are heavily weighted in favor of the women, and yet they enjoy equal rights in the workplace and sometimes make as much as I do. And also, I can not help but be completely unattracted to the modern "career women". I need a women that needs me, and women today do not.

Its heart breaking because a handful of far left feminist liberal extremists screamed loud enough that now all women have to pick up the bill. And by the time, society corrects itself (let's hope), and I start to consider marriage, I will likely be 50 years old and will have access to a range of younger women while my 50 year old female counterparts, may not be so lucky...and I will do what I have to until then, bed women, take cooking classes, and try to stay optimistic.

Neither men or women are to blame here or maybe all of us are to blame. And I feel heartbroken for all the lonely women that just want to be loved,loved.

Lorna-reply to Greg said (October 16, 2009):

I do not "pick" men. Men approach me and ask me out; I don't go around asking men to go out with me. I give most guys a chance to take me out, unless I feel like he's creepy or dangerous when I meet him. I don't care whether he's shorter than me (I'm tall), doesn't make as much money, etc. My only stipulations are that he has to be cute enough for me to be attracted, smart, and nice. Nice means honorable, loyal, kind, friendly, etc. When I meet a nice guy, believe me, he will get to stay around. Whenever a man treats me badly, he gets dumped immediately. That's why I'm single. I'm not into jerks. It's better to be alone than wish you were. Men do the picking and always have. That's why women are called "old maids." They weren't picked.

I feel sad because it seems like the NWO has really brainwashed a lot of men and women into hating each other. Seriously, none of my single girlfriends are looking to be treated badly. It's just that some women get so lonely that they'll do anything to have a guy around. It's sad, but women are often weak that way. We feel afraid that we're not going to be picked and then die alone. I don't know that men ever feel that way.

Greg said (October 15, 2009):

To Lorna: [below]

Might you consider that some of the fault of why women end up with abusive, sex crazed lovers and husbands is because women do not want to be with the "nerd", the "casual" or the non-wild male?

For most of my adult life I have watched women pick who they dated and married based upon the men being wild acting or popular in the society. When you pick such men you get men with EGO's and no respect for women, let alone any other human being.

So again, you are the ones to blame for picking men based upon standards that pretty much get you what you have purchased. If you want a wild man, you get one who is undisciplined and only wants you for sex and to physically abuse you. If you want a popular man, then you get one who will compete with you for attention and promotion of his ego, thus rarely even being a man that can show love for anybody but himself.

Quit blaming the nice men for being pounded into the ground by feminist thinkers like your own thinking has done. The nice men want nothing to do with women anymore because we truly don't want to date or marry someone who is only living for wild pleasures and promotions of their egos. Too bad that women played a big part in destroying the environment of dating and marriage by being angry and unfair to the kinder and most gentle men in the human family.

At this point in our world history it will take an act of God to get the nice men to ever think again about wanting to date or even marry a woman. We don't need someone that will clobber us and tear us down just to satisfy or please her image in the world.

Lorna said (October 15, 2009):

I'm really tired of hearing how women are the problem. The real issue here is that men have always gotten to do whatever they want. Now with feminism & communism taking over, it's even worse. My beautiful, kind mother suffered at the hands of my tyrannical father for 26 years. We were never good enough, thin enough, smart enough, and nothing my mother, sister, or I ever did pleased him. My mother encouraged me to get an education so that I could always feed myself and not have to depend on a man to support me and have to put up with abuse. Since the time I was 17 years old, I've been lied to by every man I've ever dated. They all love me, want to be with me, want me to have their children, but all they really want is sex. Every time I meet a new guy, they pretend to care and act crazy about me, but it's the really "how many dates until you f*ck me?" game. This is what happens with all of my nice, single girlfriends, too. I haven't had sex in more than a year, and if I didn't take a risk once a year with a guy who was pretending well-enough to like me, then I guess I'd be completely celibate. We're all dying on the vine while looking for a good, honorable, and kind man who would like to have a family and actually be in love forever. Do men realize that they actually have to put in some effort to make love happen? I see old couples holding hands, and it makes me cry because there is a whole generation of us that will grow old and take their last breaths alone and unloved.
I'd never ask a man to meet me more than half-way. I'm intelligent, well-educated, good looking, in great shape, and kindhearted. But women are not rewarded for their kindness or for having a heart. We are continuously told and shown by men and the media that we're not pretty enough, or not being independent, "he's just not that into you," women only want to get married to a rich man, women are catty/evil, etc. I have never met a woman in my entire life (34 years) who is only interested in sex. Women always want a relationship, but we have to pretend that we don't want one because we don't want to scare the guy away. We aren't allowed to be honest because men can't handle it. How manly is it to be "afraid of commitment?" It is the weakest, lamest excuse for lack of guts that I've ever heard. A real man is brave and courageous in the face of fear and doesn't run away like a weakling. He is strong and powerful and makes love work with the woman that he loves.
It's really easy for men to blame women for all of this, but if they weren't playing games every minute of the day (video, dating or otherwise), then they could definitely change the way things are for all of us. If you're a man, and you meet a kind and good woman, don't screw her over and take advantage of her love for you just because you need to "play the field." Men these days won't marry until they've bedded "enough women" and made "enough money," but that leaves a trail of damaged women behind who are "expendable" because men treat us like buses. We are not considered unique or special. There's another woman coming by in 5 minutes, and this one woman that loves him can be easily replaced when he's 30, 40, or 50 and feels like settling down. This is the most heartbreaking thing of all, that none of us are appreciated for our God-given spirits. Stop the madness already!

Denny said (October 15, 2009):

I love this article not so much for the article as for the responses that follow. What a whacked out cross-section of humanity. If nothing else can be gleaned from the article and the responses it is this- the commies have won. The bedrock of civilization has been destroyed and it’s anyone’s guess if it can ever be resurrected.

Neither gender is to blame really because both are the targets of the Madison Avenue brain screw. A lot of time and money has gone into figuring out how the human mind works and that knowledge is wielded like a hammer.

I call it population control for the intelligentsia. All that was necessary was to convince [people] that they are the center of the universe (not hard to do) and viola- a nation of well educated reprobates. Heck, I fell for it myself way back in my college days and it only took me twenty more years to realize how far up my ass my head was. I would feel sorry for the women I collided with along the way except that they were female versions of myself and in the end we all got what we deserved which was little to nothing.

As I see it, until there is universal acceptance of this one primordial fact all is lost and that fact is, we are not a Darwinian work in progress we are the creation of an intelligence far superior to our own- God. We are engineered to be what we are and no amount of effort attempting to fit square pegs into round holes will change anything.

I may wish that my automobile were a submarine and I’m free to drive it into a lake if I choose but I’ll be walking home when the experiment is done. Therein is the crux of the problem, far too many people can’t seem to figure out why they’re on foot.

Jack said (October 14, 2009):

Just read that and had a laugh. While I'm not one of the lads who wants to just shag around, I can very much relate to the first quote in that link and many other parts.

I think we are definitely growing in numbers. Guys saying stuff it all, I'm not going there. One of the guys hit the nail on the head with the comment about the average women having all the benefits of equality while wanting all the benefits that their mothers had before that came about.

Personally I have abstained from any female company for going on 5-6 years now. And frankly can't see myself risking life and limb for the slim chance of finding an honest, trustworthy and down to earth lady who doesn't want to be treated as a princess by her man servant.

So single I stay watching men fall around me as they are destroyed in every way conceivable by the empowered and heavily protected feminine class. It would also appear that children are regularly destroyed by their power insane mothers these days as well. Blinded by their emotions with the bonus of no social boundary's as they wave the power stick that society and the system has handed them.

Freddie said (October 14, 2009):

I enjoyed this article very much. The writer touched on the most important issues that exist for 20-something people. It reminded me of the
information brochure for an outdoor music festival
( that happened near my home city recently. Amongst the usual blurb about alcohol, fires and tents, it
said the following:

Nooky: Please enjoy as much nooky as you can get without getting thorns in your bum, but please also be sure to practice safe sex. If
you don´t, your winky will fall off. Free Levi´s condoms are available throughout the festival. So you have no excuse.

Notice that the warning message was entirely directed at the guys. This struck me as odd because the seduction game is played with
equal-opportunity rules these days! Nobody gets hurt anymore apparently, because nobody plays with their hearts and certainly
nobody plays for keeps anymore.

And that explains everything.
Unless you're old-skool of course ;-)
Freddie in Cape Town

Dave said (October 14, 2009):

Why young men are avoiding marriage is a educated person's look at the educated person's dating scene. I have grade 9 so I'll give you my uneducated viewpoint. 1. Lack of cash. If the guys I know ( and myself ) had a lot more loot to throw around we would be dating a lot more. 2. The dating scene is totally void of sanity. And sanity will not return untill there is a total economic collapse to level the playing field between the guys and gals ( it's coming fast ). 3. Debt. Personal debt is a killer of relationships. 4. National Signal and Communications Spy Agencies such as CSE in Canada, NSA in the States and GCHQ in England tampering with and controlling the natural thought and reasoning processes of the human mind and personal sex drives to suit their social engineering agendas. These sick and twisted bastards have turned everyone into total robots with no actual life of their own. BRAIN DEAD ZOMBIES is what the dating scene is today. And only a 100% reality shock treatment will wake them up.

Brandon said (October 14, 2009):

I have read Ms. Hymowitz before and it hits the nail right on the head. It completely describes the state of both young women and young men today. Completely Darwinian in nature.

On a more positive note, have you ever heard of Kassie Dill? She is a young woman of 23 who has videos on youtube and a blog speaking out against feminism and the NWO. She may come across a bit inarticulate at times but I applaud her efforts. People like her give me hope for my generation.

Her youtube channel is:


and Website:

Peter said (October 14, 2009):

Henry, notice how Kate tried to 'blame and shame' the men for what they are doing. They are 'angry' and 'bitter'. The men can't figure out what the women want. Really? There is not any obligation for the women to find out what the men want? Women say 'angry and bitter' so much because that is what THEY are. Us men are indifferent to western women now. And 'indifferent' is the WORST thing possible for women. We really just don't care about them at all....not one way or the other.

We don't trust them. We don't believe what they say. We have no interest or desire in them. They might as well not exist. I have asked on forums what 'value' a woman can bring to me and no woman can list one single point of value. How pathetic is that? At least eastern women know the game and know how to be of value to a man!! Thank God the Illuminati messed up the soviet countries a long time ago and the women coming out of there now reject feminism and act like real women again!!

Edwin said (October 14, 2009):

Non-contraception is THE KEY.

In my experience... it is contraception that MUST FALL.

When a man, like myself, avoids all contraception, and deliberately chooses non-contraceptive women, dropping all contraceptive women, he keeps women REAL.

A contraceptive woman has ZERO VALUE. Her sexual acts are of ZERO VALUE, no matter how pretty she is.

You must explore the CORE of being human, Henry.

Sex is for reproduction. A woman remains a woman when she gets pregnant due to sex. A woman behaves like a lady if she can possibly become pregnant due to sex.

All those excuses and explanations in the article can all be torn down with NON-CONTRACEPTION.

People go back to their natural states in the absence of the stupid contraceptive culture.

A man who swallows contraceptive women gets what he deserves.

Monnie Adams Ph.D. said (October 14, 2009):

I agree it is time to save the males, but also the females. What we need is balance, not equality. The patriarchy of the NWO including the time of ancient BC, elevated males to a position of inadequacy by trying to take the attributes of women including intuitive wisdom, for themselves and making women subservient.

When feminism came along, the women did not fight for their honor, feminine qualities or the return of their natural abilities to take care of their men and children with wisdom and understanding. They wanted to be males turned inside out. They elevated themselves to a position of inadequacy by taking on the attributes of dysfunctional men!

Darwinism was created by the NWO along with Darwin's brother to bring us all down to the level of beasts to control, divide and separate. This is their mark. The fact is, we are all gods when we are one with our personal God, and when we realize and humbly grasp this fact we will balance our genders and be able to have genuine honor, love, dignity and respect for each other.

Marcos said (October 14, 2009):

The masculine movement is huge nowadays. It seems it has been growing from evolutionary psychology findings that say women prefer affirmative and socially dominant men, as a reaction to the total dominance women started to have in relationships after the freedom provided by the pill and economic independence. In other words, women were doing a massacre on men, treating them as garbage and looking only for money and status, and at the same time hoping secretly that a strong man would take them off their feet with his strong personality, because at the bottom that was what their biology expects.

Instead of pursuing your balanced view of women giving up power for love and looking for a healthy marriage, the "players", or "alphas", developed what is called GAME, meaning the use of these psychological rules to bed a high number of women and dump them as fast as possible. Amazingly, it works. Women prefer the psychologically dominant males to the romantic, acquiescent, feminist "betas" that magazines preach as the ideal men.

The most notorious players, or pickup artists, are:

Mystery, who even created a company to teach men to be alphas:

Nick Savoy, who wrote the book "Magic Bullets".

Neil Strauss, who wrote the book "The Game".

Tucker Max, the extreme and funny jerk example, who wrote "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell", a book which is coming as a movie.

There are several blogs around the theme. The best in my opinion is The man is intelligent and his writing makes a lot of sense. Unfortunately, he is a cynic and a nihilist in his worldview.

The only woman who seems to understand what is going on is the author of the very good site

What is to be seen is women's reaction to this movement. The most crafty pickup artists are wrecking havoc among them.

Kevin-3 said (October 14, 2009):

I have also noticed this trend..

I have been on different dating sites, and the women that email me are typically 38-45. I am 33.

When I read their profile, their age range usually starts 10 years younger than them and cuts of at their age. They also state they are looking for marriage or a LTR.

I have asked some why they state that age range, and they say things like "Demi and Ashton", or they do not want an "old guy". I asked why a young guy would want to marry an older woman, and they usually become offended.

This is in contrast to Brazil, where my girlfriend was 2 years younger, and could not figure out why I was dating her. In her country she said most guys in their 30's settle down with women 18-24.

Something in the media it seems has taught women that "Age is just a number", and apparently so is weight. Men who want a "stick figure" or "arm candy" are shamed for being shallow and empty. Demi and Ashton are paraded around as being a great, loving, wonderful couple.

The problem is also that it seems the younger women have the view that there is absolutely no hurry, and they can go to school, have a career, sleep around, and then marry when they are in their 30's.Trying to date a younger American girl is frivolous as they are not based in reality. They think they just deserve that huge home, new cars, no stress, and handsome, sweet, caring, tall, rich, faithful husband whenever they choose.(Dated a girl that was 33 whom still had posters in her apartment of male models stating those were her dream husbands) Sadly when they come back to reality it is often times too late.

Kevin-2 said (October 14, 2009):

Thanks Henry, and one more observation..

I have noticed that when many women work, they cannot take it in stride like men. In a way that job/career completely consumes them.

As an example, I dated a nice girl, that doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, attractive, no drugs, etc.

But her life was 100% filled with that job as an accountant.. While i can run a business, work, go out, sleep little, travel,read, play sports, role out of bed and start working, her life had little room for anything other than "work." I have noticed this with more than a few women.

She would have to wake up at 5 to be at her job that starts at 8. Shower, hair, clothes, make up, traffic, etc. She would get home from work at around 6:30 if she didn't have to go to the gym, have a hair appointment, or shop for work clothes, then always be in bed by 9:30 so she can wake up at 5. Any conversation we had was ALWAYS about her work, office gossip, and usually how much she hated her job, or something about what another girl said, etc.

And the thing I found interesting was all this work was not getting her anywhere.. She was straddled with debt, could barely pay her bills, and was basically living off credit cards. She was not happy with the things she had, and was not even close to owning them anyway.

Dan said (October 14, 2009):

Young men who are dodging 'traditional markers of adulthood (manhood)' aren't doing so out of indignance about barbarian feministas run amok - they're doing so out of their own arrested development.

As an old black put it to me back in the early 70's, 'yo followin' yo pecker, son'.

ie, they really are just "lingering in a hormonal limbo between adolescence and adulthood, shunning marriage and children, and whiling away their leisure hours with South Park reruns....and Maxim lists of the ten best movie fart scenes."

I personally believe (from experience) that men who complain about 'woman are ..' this or that are blaming women for their own not getting around more.

If they're frame of reference comes from a life lived on a campus and a few bars and restaurants and a health gym, they just need to consider maybe they've outgrown the environment they're living in.

I do know how hard it may be for college men to see past their own conditioning. For most of my life I didn't consider women outside the narrow range of 'degreed career women'. I hadn't reasoned yet that the most 'educated' and 'employable' people in the Masonic system would naturally be the most heavily brainwashed (duh).

Jeanon said (October 14, 2009):

I just want to say that the whole premise of that article is false.

I find it interesting the important things the article does not mention. It does not mention that the USA is presently totally economically collapsing. No matter what one's education and skills, the promise of well paying career and upward mobility is nonexistent. Today, it may be wiser for a young man to forget about higher education, learn to live off the grid, work the land and learn how to defend one's unalienable rights. Unalienable rights are something that today's young adults have not got a clue about. They have all been trained as little collectivized "world citizens."

The biblical standard of morality has been missing in our society for probably a century at least. Freedom is not to do what one wants, but to do what one should. Lack of faith and conscientious self-reponsibility and submission and obedience to God are the culprits, not one sex or the other.

Women do not have a monopoly on narcissism, manipulativeness, materialism, and shallowness. Their parents and grandparents were just as bereft of morality and decency too.

I just think the entire article "Why Young Men Are Avoiding Marriage" by Kay S. Hymowitz is the same kind of drivel I learned in my college sociology classes 40 some years ago, and you, Dr. Makow, seem to be affirming this drivel by printing the article.

Adolpho said (October 14, 2009):

The article you are publishing by Kay S. Hymowitz makes a lot of sense. This article is related to American men and women having troubles at dating, but it fits very well in Mexican reality too.

Feminist propaganda hasn’t been pushed as hard and deep in Mexico as in the USA or Europe, but the influence of American media in Mexico through TV series (as Sex and the City) and magazines as Cosmopolitan, is overwhelming. Mexican women are less career-oriented than American women (by the way, I don’t think that’s the core of the problem), however Mexican women has always been very dominant and controlling in the nuclear model known as Mexican Family. Don’t you believe the fairy tales about Mexican “Machismo”, women have always had the control here. Generation after generation women have learned that the best way to get a man tying the knot is to get pregnant in order to force him to “take on his responsibilities”. The rest is easy, they control men through his kids. However, today, as a result of feminist propaganda, under any circumstance we the men are always the villains and they are always the helpless victims.

Today we have a royal mess in Mexico in the heterosexual relations. Young girls want to be free from “male oppression”. They drink half to death at parties and say as many obscenities as we do. I live near a high school in Mexico City and I don’t find a difference of how a girl and a boy speaks. Young man live in a mental limbo, they are like perpetual teenagers only interested in drinking alcohol, watching TV and hooking up with their female friends. If a meaningless job comes once in a while to afford this lifestyle is OK. Since they hook up instead of dating, today they don’t feel bound to marry their pregnant girlfriends, so, most of the children are now born from single mothers.

If you are an “educated” woman, your standards are very high, so any guy interested in dating you must meet a wide range of qualifications. Of course if the relation fails is the male’s fault. The result is the large number of women in their thirties and forties who are single and have zero chance of marrying someday (some authors say you count them by hundreds of thousands).

I guess any decent man in Mexico or the USA agree on women rights and equality, but I guess all this hate speech has gone so far in our societies.

Steve said (October 14, 2009):

The article below by Kay S. Hymowitz demonstrates well what happens when the warning of the Urantia Book quote following is not heeded.

"Each sex has its own distinctive sphere of existence, together with its own rights within that sphere. If woman aspires literally to enjoy all of man's rights, then, sooner or later, pitiless and emotionless competition will certainly replace that chivalry and special consideration which many women now enjoy, and which they have so recently won from men." The Urantia Book, page 938

Since this cautionary comment above never made it into the thought- streams of civilization thanks, I am sure, in no small measure to the what may very well be a Caligastian deception to "go slow" with the FER, a deception religiously believed in and practiced quite successfully by the Urantia Foundation, “pitiless and emotionless competition” has now, for the most part, replaced in Western Civilization the polite and gentlemanly treatment women use to expect and, in fact, got universally from nearly all men just one generation removed from the present generation.

This chivalrous behavior every mother and grandmother back then worked hard to instill in their young boys, was similarly encouraged in boys and men by nearly every other aspect of society. And that is the society--the civilization of our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents-- feminists propagandists want young girls and women everywhere to hate and reject, and how greatly they have succeeded! Remember, by their fruits they shall be known. That is how we can be certain they do the work of Caligastia. Society has been ravaged by their works!

The primary casualty of this socially-engineered and now deeply entrenched bitterness and competitiveness between the sexes is the collapse of the Judeo- Christian-based family model. The Urantia Book joins these two great religions in that it also extols the great value of the traditional family structure. As readers maybe we should be doing the same? After all the alternative to the sanity of traditional relationships between the sexes is what's portrayed below. Who but lunatics would think that is better?

Kevin said (October 14, 2009):

Have I avoided marriage? Yes. Here is what I see to be some of the problems. Do you have any solutions?

1. College girls.. I had a cute 26 year old neighbor I dated. She was obtaining her masters. She was also over $80,000 just in school debt. At this point she was 27, and still not done with school. She sort of wanted kids, but also wanted the nice car, big home, career, vacation, etc. In order to afford her, and start a family, I would have to earn over $200,000 per year. She also could not cook and liked fancy restaurants. Her degree was also in something that would never translate into making money.

2. Flaky women. It seems many women I dated are in love one day, scared of commitment the next. Push/pull.

3. Many women have little to offer, other than sex. They cannot cook, take care of a home, be responsible. Their long term goals involve working (Only in a career they love :) ), while having a maid and nanny so they do not have to do much.

4. So many women I have met are on some sort of anti-depressants, drink way too much, smoke pot, do not want kids, are very over weight, have unrealistic materialism, or some combination of the above.

5. Women from divorced households that will never trust men.

6. Women who think they DESERVE everything they want, just because they are born female.

7.So at this point I own a business, save money, and can travel to foreign nations anytime i want. My last trip was a 3 month vacation to Brazil. If I marry today's woman, what will that add to my life? I will still cook for myself, pay her bills, be relegated to sleeping with one woman for the rest of my life, and be under constant pressure to "upgrade" her lifestyle. And at anytime she can just say "I am bored", keep the house, keep the kids, and I start life over at 50, like many of my customers.

Very few women understand the concept of "teamwork". I have even had women tell me I would NOT be a good man to marry, BECAUSE I work for myself, and in case of a divorce I could hide income, which would lower child support and alimony payments.

I have dated women who made it clear through their actions that "Their money will always be their money. And I am to be the 'gentleman' that pays the bills, for dates, etc"

On a recent outing with 2 long term female married friends, they both told me they still work full time as a way to plan for a divorce. They also confide in me that they "fantasize" about certain male co workers. And to be honest they both seemed like they wanted to spend the night with me. Their husbands seem to be nothing more than like the article said "A wallet with legs". These women are both only 30.

I also dated a woman who slept with the CEO of her company in the past. She later found out that 9 other women (yes 9) at the company were also sleeping with him. This enraged her, so she was kept on salary without having to work much at all, because she blackmailed him in some manner.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at