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Gay Man is a Lost Soul Looking for his Father

April 12, 2018

"I often got the feeling that most homosexuals were, in fact, secretly searching for the strong, dominant FATHER figure of which we had all been deprived in a man-hating society that did all it could to emasculate, humiliate, and attack its men." 

Insights on homosexuality from a gay man. 

THAT THIS sick behavior IS NORMAL AND HEALTHY. a satanic cult normalizes sickness 

by Ammago

From the first time (at a young age) that I entered the forbidden gay world, I moved about it nervously, clumsily, shocked at the level of brutality -- and utter lack of feeling -- as men of all shapes and sizes plowed and sucked each other into drug-enhanced oblivion.  Hands groped at me from the dark corners of clubs, and I winced from their contaminating touch.  I allowed myself to get drawn into it just a bit, and then swore it off for weeks, months, sometimes years, until some mysterious desire drew me back again for another cycle of misery and humiliation (mostly).

The gay propagandists had come along and tried desperately, at times ferociously, to legitimize the "gay lifestyle."  They flooded society with gay-is-fabulous propaganda, even organizing nationwide "pride" parades featuring a pathetic display of low-minded crudities.  

The vast majority of gay men were either "bottoms" (the receivers in sexual intercourse) or "versatile bottoms" (they could switch from receiver to giver but really preferred to be the receiver); indeed, the number of "bottoms" far exceeded the number of "tops" in any club, on any dating or hook-up site, or wherever else gay men congregated.  

This meant that, strictly on a practical level, the vast majority of gays would be left permanently un-partnered... since you couldn't pair a "bottom" with a "bottom."  This, in turn, led often to the most staggering promiscuity whereby the average gay man took on anonymous lovers in back alleys, adult bookstores, bathhouses, house parties and orgies, circle jerks, and after-hours clubs -- with a startling casualness born of desensitization.  

As much as the gay propagandists tried to convince us that homosexuality was "no different from heterosexuality," the reality often differed vastly.  Men don't naturally relate on a romantic level, or even on an emotional level, at all... at least not in this context.  

Most gay interactions were not predicated on the soul of a man or the voice of a man, or on any real male bonding; they were predicated strictly on a drive for constant sex. Let's face it. Men are pigs.  Women crave intimacy, but men just want to 'get off,' especially when they are left only with each other.  This was, in most cases, an incontrovertible fact, impervious to even the most vigorous propaganda.  

The gay lies and absurdities did not end there.  It seemed laughable, for instance, that anyone could honestly believe that the hunger for man could ever be satisfied by the many effeminate gay men who dominated gay culture.  If homosexuality could be defined as a man's attraction to other men, then why would a man who desired a man want a man who acted like a woman?  

The propagandists tried to dismiss the preference for masculine men as a mere "gender stereotype," even coining clumsy and ridiculous phrases such as: "I am a non-binary gay man" (whatever that meant). 

 But the love of masculinity-in-men was too strong a determinant in human sexuality, and could never be totally eradicated.  "Masculine men only," one gay man after another declared in their online profiles, leaving all the "fems" to find their mates among the other rejects of gay hierarchies. "Little sissy faggot boy sitting here in my panties," announced one such creature on a chat line one night, "looking for daddy to spank me and f**k me..." 

I often got the feeling that most homosexuals were, in fact, secretly searching for the strong, dominant FATHER figure of which we had all been deprived in a man-hating society that did all it could to emasculate, humiliate, and attack its men. 

 Indeed, the desire for penis could very well be translated as the desire for paternalistic fortitude, for even the sanest among us have the tendency to sexualize or fetishize our unfulfilled emotional needs. The maleness in gay men was always precarious at best, and inspired me to probe deeper into this strange phenomenon.  

In that vein, I wondered if many gays were actually more transsexual than homosexual, and if there would come a time that they'd embrace this and act accordingly, thus ending the absurd fiction that they were in any way male.  Indeed, they fetishized women's clothing and lingerie, and bitchy female celebrities, to such a degree that they often seemed like bratty 12-year-old girls locked miserably in men's bodies.  

I posted these very thoughts in various online forums, and many guys responded thus: "Great post, man.  I feel exactly the same way.  I don't like most gay men for these reasons, so I just keep mostly to myself.  But I feel lonely and isolated."  

These men existed on the fringes of gay culture, as I did, and often felt misrepresented by the vociferous and deceptive nature of gay propaganda.  Still, sodomy stalked us even in these circles, like a sinister, black-caped stalker in the shadows of an endless and paint-splattered night.  As such, I once described the desire for sodomy thus: "a black hunger that totally takes over a man, rendering all other needs and desires secondary or irrelevant."  


I'd read somewhere that sodomy was used in satanic rituals to open up demonic portals.  I'd seen first-hand what happened to guys after they started being sodomized.  They changed.  Their body language changed.  The look in their eyes changed.  It was as if, in many cases, some unnamed demon had taken possession of them, altering the base of their person-hood (if they even had one).  There was, indeed, something overtly animalistic about this kind of sex; the "doggy-style" pose, for instance, preferred by many, suggested a bestial quality which seemed  incompatible with intimacy and dredged up latent bestial impulses and facial expressions. 

Again and again, when I peeked into this dreary lifestyle, I was inundated by pictures of men's anuses: men on all fours with their asses in the air, men lying on their backs with their legs flung over their heads, men in all kinds of ludicrous acrobatic poses to reveal the all-important anus.  

"Even Freud himself would be puzzled by these men's anal fixation," I joked to a friend.  It was all so depressingly crude and vulgar and did nothing to create deep and genuine bonds.  In fact, it did just the opposite.  Most gay men had been so utterly brainwashed by gay propaganda that they didn't seem to notice that they were chronically "single and searching" at 25, at 35, at 45, at 55, even at 65, long after the age of dating should've ended for most people. 

Clearly, the propaganda had set up false and impossible expectations of the lifestyle; and when these expectations were not fulfilled, many gay men became bitter and resentful -- not towards the propagandists, oddly enough, but towards each other and the world in general.   There were exceptions to this, of course, but 99% of the gay couples I'd met over the years were in open relationships - which seemed to suggest that the black hunger, whatever it was, could not be fulfilled sufficiently by someone else who possessed the very same hunger.

Nevertheless, I fantasized constantly about hard bodies in the foggy mists of male benedictions, with hands caressing faces and fingers pressing into flesh.  It was a joyous erotic brotherhood which stopped short of loverdom, seasoning the soul with the precious gifts of intimacy.  Cheap vulgarities had no place in such a vision, and they dissolved like dewdrops under the light of day.
Author's Note:

Ammago's website is here.  AMMAGO aka ABRODAR is an Italian-American male of creative and sexual pinings which have often placed him definitively beyond the mainstream.  There, in the shadowy corners, he acted out these impulses with a clumsy sincerity, eventually becoming a creator (and performer) of short absurdist skits and sketches which he often turned into films.  One of his earliest works received distribution in the independently-owned video stores that were popular at the time (Kim's Videos, etc.); later works appeared at various festivals and were among the top-rated and most-watched on various film sites.  

  He hates everything about this cold, vile era, and rejects most of the mainstream culture.  He does not have any social media accounts and refuses to join the myriad "feeding frenzies" online.  He laughs as much as he cries and considers seagulls and deer to be among his best friends.  One of his deepest ambitions is to plant a daisy in a wart on the end of a witch's nose.

------------------  Gay Demon Exorcism?

First Comment by Marco A

This is potentially one of the best and most honest articles I have read thus far in regards to this behavior and lifestyle. The author is very intelligent and eloquent in communicating the complex nature of his external world and soul. 

What I understand is that he has been essentially looking for poetic intimacy in this "gay culture" and was met with disappointment when all he found was debauchery and a debasement of his fantasy; a fantasy that was filled with love and intimacy, rather than just sexual promiscuity.

How anyone can escape fantasy and a fetish is beyond me, but I did find it very interesting when the author wrote "...for even the sanest among us have the tendency to sexualize or fetishize our unfulfilled emotional needs."

Also of particular interest is when he wrote, "Most gay interactions were not predicated on the soul of a man or the voice of a man, or on any real male bonding; they were predicated strictly on a drive for constant sex." 
I was thinking the same thing earlier this week. Biologically, male and female are hardwired to be attracted to one another, it doesn't make sense that a whole segment of the population can be wired differently. 

Anyways, I wish the author the best, although I fear if he continues indulging in his fantasy without tempering it with reality he will continually set himself up for disappointment if not worse. How often does it lead to nothing but a disgusting expression of false love for those who seek the fulfillment of this fantasy?  
Something promises you intimacy and love, but in the end, all you receive is "doggy-style" and a scarred soul.
I hope the author can fill that hole inside of himself.
I wish I could give advice, but this is far beyond me. It's a shame that society will not allow such honest conversations regarding this lifestyle to take place so that more intelligent individuals can weigh in and potentially help these people. 

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Gay Man is a Lost Soul Looking for his Father "

David said (April 13, 2018):

We have two worlds, nature and the artificial world of man. Where the behaviour / freewill choices human beings make that are not in harmony with nature there are consequences. Unwanted consequences.

Homosexuality is not in harmony with nature. Nature is about creating life and this is done, as far as human beings are concerned through sex between male and female.

It is about integrity. Nature requires integrity. In the artificial world of man is there integrity in how we grow food, our water, our air, our medicine, our education etc The list can become quite long.

Lisa J said (April 12, 2018):

Lisa juanes music specialist
3:36 PM (11 minutes ago)
to henry
Your obessesion with gay life styles is a bit disturbing and concerning there are a few factors in wich you prob discredit your good inteligence and great info filled articles with swirls of ignorance homphobia lack of knowledge and absurd theologies that still hold humanity slaves with the help of ignorant fools like you , there is probably an indepth personal problem or trauma or maybe just stupidity when it comes to your articles that yes in fact hold alot of facts but such facts are all the same for all sexes and genders not just the stereo tipical life styles and your profiling for gay men blaming most if them as the sick ones along with life style traits on mayority of such gay men, please do better research on men sexuality and human behaviour because in general all men are kinky horny and festish filled individuals as well as women along with testosterone mal functions cellular neurological abnormalities and many more factors along with coriosity and pansexual traits that most humans and animals all share in commun and are born with wich is called instinct or instincts go read the medical books sonyou can understand that all straight men are bi sexual corious and even experience sex relationships with men trannies cross dressers and more read the phsycology books and medical studies and stop putting the blame on just homosexuals, your ignorance is absurd , advice read more medical and phsycological books and studies on endocrine, cellular, and neurological traits on human sexuality and human behaviour before you make your self look like a fool again leave man made theologies and dogma beliefs behind and undetstand is all a natural instinct and is not satanic, because your judgment profiling acts and lack of knowledge are satanic facts herr not the true medical patent and pshycological research facts on human sexuality yours truly a reader of your articles

CC said (April 12, 2018):

You have discussed the Satanic need to invert good and evil.

In the season 2 episode 7 or 8, there are three acts of sodomy (homosexual and heterosexual participants), drug use (coke and heroin), and the requisite acts of homicide. Promiscuous sexual activity occurs in every episode. As in all TV programming, there is no evidence of STDs or pregnancy. Most participants are young and beautiful.

The primary characters, who appear to be a suburban couple with two children, are Russian KGB agents. They are both prostitutes and homicidal. Whatever Russian headquarters requires of them, they do.

They are furious that their daughter goes to social events at a church and reads the Bible. You point out that Christians must be ridiculed.

In this episode, the main character, of the suburban couple, rapes his wife. When she asks if he is mad at her, he denies his feelings. So even basic emotions are inverted. These supposed foreign agents seem to be very unstable. Given their daily diet of lies, homicide, manipulation, and prostitution, it's difficult to believe they would be sane.

A good example of Satanic programming.

Jude Duffy said (April 12, 2018):

As other commenters have noted Ammago's article is powerful. Interesting that he posits the theory that many male homosexuals are really transsexuals. The Neocon luminary Midge Decter suggested something similar (broken clocks are right twice a day and all that) in an essay 'The Boys On The Beach', nearly 40 years ago. In that piece, she recalled a homosexual friend of hers telling her that the gay sadomasochistic scenes in the Al Pacino film 'Cruising' were unrealistic because in real life the masochists always vastly outnumbered the sadists at homosexual gatherings; there were never enough sadists to go round. This culture of male masochism has now invaded ostensibly heterosexual culture and is, I would argue, largely to blame for male submission to feminism.

Robert K said (April 12, 2018):

Anybody who wants another view into the unacknowledged sadness of gayness should read the memoirs of Gore Vidal, entitled Palimpsest. The idea that young people are being encouraged to regard such a lifestyle (commonly--not, I am sure, without exception, as human behaviour is infinitely variable) as indifferently "alternative" is horrifying.

A multi-talented, artistic person I knew well who was homosexual admitted his strong impulses not to be so, saying it was just an idea, but one that, however much he wanted to, he could not expunge from his mind. We wondered who, or what experience, had implanted that tenacious attraction--presumably during his childhood or youth.

After years of struggle with it, in middle age he committed suicide.

Clearly, an even stronger idea was needed, which, as a matter of fact, for many who triumph over their addictions comes via the "rebirth" accompanying trust in Christ.

Dan A said (April 12, 2018):

I never had a father as a child and I'm not gay, so an absence of a father does not mean you will be homosexual.

Society can try and normalize homosexuality and pedophilia, but both are still wrong on so many levels.

Also, I once abused drugs and I'm still not homosexual, nor do I have any desire to be with another of my gender.

I remember when I was 21, I got stationed at Camp Pendleton in Southern California after leaving Okinawa, Japan. I was stationed for a year there, and became friends with Rick in Okinawa. I became good friends with Rick there.

Rick was already in Southern California, he got there a week before I did. So once there I tried to contact Rick, but he never responded to my attempts to contact him. Finally I got a hold of him, and he told me he needed to speak with me.

So we met, and at that time Rick told me he was gay. He then said that I probably did not want to be friends with him. Yet I told him that his lifestyle did not prevent me from having a friendship with him.

To prove this, I then went to a gay club with Rick that night. Which proved to be interesting. As an attractive 21 year old young man, I got hit on a lot at that gay club. That night proved to be the last night I ever saw Rick again. Simply because I could not be around the activities of his lifestyle.

Gay men become most deceptive when they marry a woman to appear to be normal, essentially wrecking the life of that woman they marry.

Matt B said (April 12, 2018):

I agree with Marco A on this one.

If this subject interests you, I suggest the work of Catholic convert Joseph Sciambra:

He speaks about this a lot and has written a book about his life and conversion. Joseph was heavy into the gay scene, going as far as becoming a male (gay) prostitute and (gay) pornstar. He was literally on his death bed when Christ came to him and he converted. (I've listened to a number of Joseph's interviews, he's appeared on Patrick Coffin's show, as well as Tradcatknight's and other Catholic and Protestant media).

I've got a weak stomach when it comes to this sort of thing. Andrew B's articles exposing the gay lifestyle (from shoebat,com) are too graphic for me to stomach, there is no way I could read Joseph's book! hahahaha

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at