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Starved for Love

March 12, 2019


People need love like plants need sunshine and water.  

Musings on 
the nature of love 
and why there is so little 
to go around 

by Henry Makow PhD

Correct me if I am wrong, but it seems that a lot of people are starved for love. Toss us a scrap and we blossom. 

Salespeople are the only ones who are cordial and smile. They're paid to be friendly. "How's your day going?"

People need love like plants need sunshine and water.  But how many are getting enough? 

Are people deserving of love? I find it a struggle to love other people. (Just being human requires effort.)  

Imagine if our attitude to strangers was, "I love you, brother and sister"

... instead of "get off my lawn." 

Jesus loved the lepers, so we should be able to love our fellow man. If people were perfect, love would be easy.

That was his teaching. Love your neighbour as yourself.  

Is that where the problem lies? We don't love ourselves. 

Love yourself/ Be your own best friend has become a cliche but there's something to it.  A starving person cannot be expected to feed others. Why don't we love ourselves?
Because we don't respect ourselves. If we did, we wouldn't need outside affirmation.

How do we earn our own Self-respect? 

By serving our Master, God who speaks to us through our soul.


We have been conditioned to seek love from outside. I discuss this in my article, "How is Your Inner Beggar?"   

We're taught that we're going to just "click" with someone and live happily ever. Someone is going to to be impressed with our fine qualities. In my experience, women are more impressed with what you can do for them. They are not an especially good judge of male virtue. 

Eventually, the things that made you "click" -- sexual attraction etc. -- get old. So you had better hope your mate has qualities that don't age. 

It's time we admit that love is based on a quid pro quo. We love people who love us. We help people who help us. This is a Law of Love.
Love and you will be loved. 

Except for this daily witness to Truth, which has always been a labor of love, I have difficulty priming the pump.

I love mankind. I don't love most people. 

Yet when I think about it, what's so bad about people? Nothing really. We all want the same things, and it's not a lot. Some people are quite endearing.  I love virtue and the handful of people who demonstrate it.

My love constipation extends to pets. Our dog Raffi died five years ago and we didn't get another one. Partly because we travel. But partly because I am so stingy that I don't want to do the things that dog ownership requires: clean mud off the new carpet, walk them in the freezing cold, pick up their poop etc. 

 Watering my plants is all I can manage.  

I am stuck in this quid pro quo conundrum. I can't give so I don't get. 

I say "we are rich in the things we are able to love." For me, that list is pretty short. I am poor. 

I'm going to work on Self respect, and see what happens. 
Afterthought- The elephant in the room here is family.  I have a twitter poll that indicates 40% of people feel love-starved or somewhat love-starved. I have no doubt these people don't have families. Families connect us with the cycle of life and with society as a whole. You have to put out and you reap the rewards accordingly.   


RelatedLove Starved  - The Parable of the Long Spoons  

First Comment from Ken Adachi 

You achieve much more happiness in life by being kind and caring towards others whenever possible. It's a learned addiction. When you have a kindly disposition, your aura reflects those frequencies and it's instantly picked up by young children and pets alike. Haven't you ever noticed how quickly small children or your pet or farm animals act in the presence of a kindly person? They will come over to you, right away, and want to play or caress you.  We all resonate with and thrive in a loving environment. 

We usually learn to become hard-hearted as a result of cruelty and abuse being inflicted upon us, especially when we are young and most vulnerable, but a loving family environment can offset that and produce a kindly adult,  stronger and wiser for the experience. So keeping that nuclear family (mom & dad & kids) together and strong is extremely important to human(e) development - which is why the JWO works so hard to destroy it and all of its lateral extensions to growth, prosperity, integrity, awareness and fulfilment.

Love & Marriage, Goes Together Like a Horse & Carriage.... Yeaaaah

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Starved for Love"

RL said (March 12, 2019):

The two rarest things on earth, in my opinion, are genuine love and truth. In the Christian circles I have been in the subject of agape love, God’s love, is often spoken of. I have had some Christian brothers say, “I agape you” as though they have the same kind of love for me that God has. Through all the trials and tribulations of my life Jesus has been my constant companion – not so with my Christian brothers. The ones that have claimed to “agape” me are long gone.

God’s love is perfect and eternal. Man’s love is far from perfect it’s conditional and fickle. Men cannot love us as God does. Truth is that they just don’t have it in them. Sometimes I even feel as though my wife of forty-two years has stayed with me only because of what I can do for her not because of who I am. I have stayed with her because of the covenant I made with her at the altar – “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” I made a commitment to protect and provide for her to the best of my ability and I stand by that regardless. I think that’s love.

JJ said (March 12, 2019):

This article is very important and gets to the root of the matter. I've dealt with many addictions (as well as SAD) and have had to go to many 12-step groups etc. It's been hard work but I'm 99% addiction free. Among addicts, there are two kinds of people: those who switch addictions and those who get off all addictions. I've done the latter and believe me, I hunger for relationships, for human contact. One cannot go through life without love.

Jesus came to earth to love and to give. In Luke 7 though we see something more. He is visiting the house of Simon the Pharisee. A woman comes into the house and washes and kisses his feet. Finally, Jesus turns to Simon and says in verse 45, "You gave me no kiss..." This has traditionally been interpreted a symbol of honour and respect (and the homage we should give to God and His Son). I believe though that Jesus, in the midst of crowds and ministry, needed affection, that He needed a hug, a kiss, human touch.

If Jesus was in need of affection and love living in the human body that He had, then we can look at His relationship with Judas differently as well. When Judas came to Him in the garden followed by a bunch of Roman soldiers and kissed him in betrayal, Judas was crossing a line that is similar to that crossed by a sexual predator.

Jesus was in great need of affection in the garden and a disciple comes to him and enters His personal space presumably to encourage Him but doing something that ends up in His death. In that kiss, Jesus must have longed and hoped if even for a minute as Judas' lips made contact with His skin, that someone was feeling and understanding what He was going through.

If we say we don't need love, then at least we should strive for honesty and if we end up looking at porn or involved in something sexual or we end up hiring a "cuddle buddy" (the rest of the world must look at Europeans and conclude we are crazy when they see these "professional" services), then let's begin to say we need love, not just that of a pet but that of a human being, of an equal.

Brad S said (March 12, 2019):

Many years ago, I came across the spiritual writings of Brian Cleeve. They changed my view of the world in which we live and provided a blueprint for how we are supposed to live. The excerpt below, explains better than I ever could, what awaits those who
take the time to read them. I suggest they be read in the following order: The House on the Rock, The Seven Mansions and The Teaching of a soul.

CV said (March 12, 2019):

I am glad to hear your admission that you can no longer love a pet. I thought I was the only one. PetSmart is thriving while ToysRUs goes out of business. Give me children over animals, any day. They are the future -and it’s infinitely better when it’s your own, and not somebody ELSE’s snot-nosed children

Stephen Coleman said (March 12, 2019):

We all have love, we are born with it as children of God. But traumas happen, we are betrayed, hurt, humiliated, violated our boundaries by those who we loved.

We put up barriers because love is not safe. Some go into total dissociation from feeling love for self and others, anger and rage could take over and our prisons are full of these unfortunate and abused people.

We cannot learn to love, the Kingdom is already within. To love others we must first love ourselves. We cannot love others if we do not love ourselves. We cannot love God unless we love ourselves.

To love ourselves we must rid ourselves of whatever is blocking our love from manifesting; the distrust we learned from those that betrayed, hurt and violated our boundaries.

We may love many things, but it's all for naught if we can't love ourselves.

JG said (March 12, 2019):

We're going backwards and fast.

Everything seems to be a racial or sexual offence with many people today. This is why you can't humor or have a civilized debate with hardly anyone anymore. Anger and ignorance has replaced civility and reason.

Rather than loving their neighbour they are blaming their neighbour for their unhappiness.

Our lost government keeps passing what they call "hate laws" that only isolate and divide people even further. You can't legislate love and respect, it's earned.

Outside of God and Jesus Christ there really is no love that means more or that is equal. That love has already been given to us through God's grace (John 3:16).
Unfortunately, things are going to get worse as it has been written before it gets better.

If you ever feel you're not getting the love you desire, try giving it. The real happiness is in giving and not taking.

Tony B said (March 12, 2019):


The lack of love seems to be fairly common with all of us these days, being attributable to the influence of Satan, loose on earth today, since God, ever more outlawed, is love and He wants us all to be like Him. Excerpt below from one of Christ's discourses with his apostles:

"As my father has loved me, I also have loved you, abide in my love. If you keep my precepts, you shall abide in my love; as I also have kept my father's precepts, and do abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and your joy may be filled.
This is my precept, that you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love than this no man has, that a man yield his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do the things I command you." St. John 15:9-11

From another such discourse, more commonly known:

". . . as Moses exalted the serpent in the desert, so must the Son of man be exalted: that everyone who believes in him, perish not, but may have life everlasting. For so God loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son; that everyone who believes in him, perish not, but may have life everlasting. For God sent not his son into the world, to judge the world, but that the world may be saved by him."

St. John 3:14-17, both quotes of the Rheims New Testament, the only literal English translation from the Latin Vulgate, the original bible put together by St. Jerome in the latter part of the 4th century after Christ

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at