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My Submissive Asian Wife Empowers Me

June 30, 2011

new_8175412.jpgI have never felt so masculine and empowered, as I do now.  I feel stronger at 50 than at 20 for one simple fact, I have a woman who treats me like a man.  In return, she is treated like a woman and all her needs are fulfilled, as such.

by Bernard Grover

Bernard Grover has lived in Indonesia for the past four years and is married to a Chinese Indonesian.  He has traveled around Asia on business and pleasure, and taught in Indonesian public schools. He is in a self-imposed exile from the US after witnessing his previous wife commit suicide due to pharmaceutical drugs, and spending a small fortune fighting CPS to protect his children.

Contrary to Mike Parker's article,  "Asian Women Seek Feminized Men," Asia is still a haven for 'real' men.  Women are still subservient and passive, and willingly let men lead.  They are deferential and demure, preferring men who are decisive and dominant.

My wife, who is Chinese Indonesian, is the epitome of feminine, treating me rightfully as the king of the house and family.  When I make a decision, there is no further discussion or even grumbling.  She demands that the children show respect to me.  She serves me in every way as a good and faithful woman.

In return, I provide her with a good life.  I use her support to enable me to advance my career and social status.  My success benefits my wife and family, giving her status and the security she craves, in order to perform her role.

Asian women, and the culture they come out of, is very strong, very family-oriented, and very male-centric.  Women here hold the door for me and wait to let me pass unhindered.  My daughter holds the car door for her father and takes his advice quite seriously, because she knows that I provide for the family, and my health and comfort are of primary concern for the well being of all of us.

I believe where Mr. Parker goes astray is in looking at Asians superficially.  Asian men are virtually bereft of body hair and have a generally softer look to Western eyes.  They are quite soft-spoken, because showing strong emotion in public is taboo.  Asians highly prize a smooth and calm exterior, no matter what the situation.  They are the prime example of 'poker faced.'

At the same time, Asian men tend to be more tender and caring of their women, because they are treated properly by the latter.  One can be a bit softer and more gentle if one's woman is properly behaved and never acts in a way that is embarrassing or shaming of the male.  Even if my wife were angry at me, she would never dream of making a scene or causing me to lose face in public.

Asian families are much more cohesive than Western families.  If I were even remotely abusive or caused harm to my wife, her brothers and uncles would be at my door in a heartbeat to 'discuss' the situation.  I've seen it happen with others, and was involved with an in-law in that way.

There is a bit of cultural creep from the West.  Though there are very few 'gay' men in Asia, at least openly, there are cultures such as Thailand that has a tradition of 'lady boys.'  Asians have a cultural tic that enjoys juxtaposing certain things.  The 'soft' male, or the dogs who look like lions are just two examples of this aesthetic.  Certainly, if Mr. Parker thinks that Asian men are soft, he should spar with some down at the dujo.


In fact, the martial arts are a perfect example of the cultural juxtaposition I mentioned.  In the West, we equate muscular size and tone to strength, when some of the weakest men I know are muscle-bound boneheads. 

On the other hand, Asian martial arts don't require great strength, but rather sharp wits and knowledge of physics.  A quick read of Sun Tsu would demonstrate that the concept of meeting force with force is a futile idea, and that a softer approach is often far more effective in battle. 

Even Mr. Parker could not argue that Gengis Khan, or even Mao Tse Tung were wimps, though history does not speak of their feats of strength, only their cunning and strategic thinking.

Having sat at the negotiating table with Asian men from several countries, I can say from experience that looks can be deceiving.  Even the softest-looking male can be a formidable opponent.  Those I have sat across from are polite and deferential to a fault, because they would never dream of showing strong emotion in public, but I daresay I would not trust them with a broomstick.

None of this is to say that Asian women cannot be conniving and treacherous.  History is replete with examples.  In the contest of East versus West, though, I would not trade my Asian wife for ten Western women.  I am not aware of any that could hold a candle to my wife for sheer femininity and submissiveness.  In all my life (50 years now), I have never felt so masculine and empowered, as I do now.  I feel stronger at 50 than at 20 for one simple fact, I have a woman who treats me like a man.  In return, she is treated like a woman and all her needs are fulfilled, as such.

There is a reason that Asian women have been alluring to Western men for centuries.  It is not because they have been treated badly, but because they have treated men well.  Perhaps the Western world would be a bit less belligerent if the men had more reason to stay home.

That an Asian woman would not look at a man's physique, but rather his mental capacity is not surprising.  Westerners tend to be brash and loud and overly emotional.  It's much the same as the play of personalities between Spock and Kirk in Star Trek.  The cool logic is more appealing to Asian women than the brash cowboy.

That's not to say that Asian women aren't attracted to Western men.  We have the same appeal to them as they do to us.  We are foreign and exotic, different and challenging.  But, Western men must learn quickly that our outbursts and emotional torrents are turn-offs.  Instead, the Asian woman wants the allure of a Western man who can think and adjust to his surroundings, observing and changing his approach to suit the environment.


In comparison, Western women have become masculinized.  They fight, get drunk and take the lead sexually.  They look and act like men, and the men, who have been drugged, poisoned and brainwashed, have allowed themselves to be feminized.  We must wake up to the fact that we have been manipulated.  It is not that it is wrong to choose such things, but it is very wrong to have it chosen for us and enforced by stealth.

I have never felt more empowered than with my wife.  I feel more masculine and powerful than I have ever felt.  The part that is confusing to the Western mind is that it doesn't require force or aggression.  It only requires a woman who is feminine and submissive, and treats her man the way he should be treated.  When that happens, men no longer feel the need to abuse because they are fulfilled and satisfied with their lives.  Their is nothing to react to or defend against within the walls of his home.

Ultimately, that is what it comes to: a man who feels threatened in his own home, on his own turf, can never be powerful or effective outside.  That is the secret to the undermining of men.  They cannot fight if their own backyard is not secure and supportive.  When a man feels like he is going into battle every time he comes home, or that when he gets home, everything will be gone, including his wife and children, then how can he ever project power and confidence to the outside world?

When that happens, he becomes ineffective and weak, unable to care properly for his family.  In response, his family loses respect for him, and it becomes a viscous circle spiralling ever downward.

From what I see, the women in Asia appear much more fulfilled, as do the men, because they follow their traditional and natural roles.  In fact, the society here is much healthier, both mentally and spiritually.



Bernard Grover's blog is


Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "My Submissive Asian Wife Empowers Me"

Al said (July 1, 2011):

This is an excellent article. "I have a woman who treats me like a man."

I just love that statement and I would love to have that for myself. I'm not jealous, or envious, but I have to say for most American men is that most of us want the same thing. I don't want to come home and have my wife say: "Hello, honey", and then go into psycho bitch in 5 seconds. When I was married, I would wonder when I woke up whether I would get Mrs. Jekyll or Mrs. Hyde. This was a horrible way to live.

Men want to be treated like men because we are men. We are not women.

A man can never be a woman. Bernard's wife now has the dignity of being an appreciated wife and he has the dignity of providing for his wife and family.

Western culture is nothing more than a satanic death culture centered around debauchery. In a world of such nonsense, this article was very well received by me and it made my day.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at