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I'm a Prisoner of Porn and Can't Escape

February 27, 2010


by "Mike"


re. "Porn -- Drugged, Bruised Prostitutes"

This article woke me up from a long and very deep sleep.

I found a load of VHS and BetaMax tapes hidden in my father's hiding place way back in 1982 when I was 11 years old.

A plastic carrier bag from a local supermarket was pushed on top of a water tank in a cupboard upstairs at home. I was curious to see what was inside and so climbed up onto a chair and took the bag down to examine the contents. I remember seeing VHS and Betamax tapes (We didn't have a Betamax) and wondering why they were hidden in the cupboard.

When I pushed that first video tape into the VHS top loader and pressed the play button I could not believe my eyes! Real women showing their p***y up close and getting f***ed. They looked amazing and even though much older than me. (They were most likely teens, 18 years plus) I found myself overwhelmed with sexual excitement. Feelings that I had never experienced began to rush through my body and I came in a few minutes. That was it, I was instantly addicted to porn!

Fast forward to my years as a teenager and I managed to get a date with the high school slag. She was not bad looking but gave hand jobs out to anyone she thought was okay and fun to hang around with after school. As you can imagine, she had a lot of boys wanting to be her friend. I remember that she couldn't believe what I could do to her, and for that reason we were a couple for a long time. I just gave her what I had seen the men on the videos doing and she liked it a lot.

From that time I went through my late teens and right up to my mid thirties sleeping with as many good looking women as possible to fuel my sex craving from all the porn. I was a DJ at a nightclub and this was perfect for picking up very pretty girls who were high on ecstasy and wanting to have good sex.

I would meet a girl at a nightclub, take her home and then return a few hours later to do the same thing with a 'fresh' woman. I lost count of my partners and it is very sad to realize that I am really (this is hard to admit) still stuck inside the porn illusion. For all the women I slept with, I don't think that I could ever have got to know any of them and if they showed any interest, I would run a mile.

It was a sexual desire and all I wanted from them was sex and that was all. I filmed them, photographed them, slept with two at a time and all sorts of my darkest desires were catered for. I met some of the kinkiest women you can imagine and also some very nice sweet girls who were looking for a long term relationship; sorry for those girls.

No matter how much they satisfied me sexually at the time I would often switch on my VHS video player and watch a good porno soon after they had left. Can you imagine this! A gorgeous woman has just let me f**k her in which ever way I want and then as soon as she's out the door I'm jerking off to porn? crazy!!

When you see porn you don't see the abuse and sadness that goes on behind the scenes. Instead you see a hot teen with a shaved p***y giving you what you really want to see.These girls are very pretty for most parts and even some of the not so good looking ones may have something about them that gets you off. There is no way to get a fix and even when you bookmark your (at the time) favourite movie a few days, or even hours, later you are looking for fresh p***y. you can NEVER get a fix from this stuff. It sits in your mind and all day long it taps your sub conscious and tells you to look at more because it is better than real sex.

It isn't and will never be better than a real woman but like drugs it traps you in a place that you can't leave without help and very strong willpower. It is seductive and I really believe that it is from Satan. This may sound crazy but I do honestly believe that Satan has control of this and through his channels he promotes this addictive and very destructive poison through the illuminati elite class. It is a great way to control you and promote a society that looks at marriage as something for weak pussies who have no balls. Be a man and go out to f**k bitches. thats'[s what they want you to do. That way the family unit is destroyed and Satan can manipulate his workers into the perfect controlled world that he is getting closer to each hour of the day; with the help of our so called leaders.

Porn addiction has been a real problem for me and I imagine it is a serious and very damaging problem for millions of other teens, male and female, throughout the modern world. I run my own business here in the UK but so many times I get up early to start work and switch the computer on; then I am straight onto a porn site. Bad Jo Jo, Porn Rabbit, you name it, there are thousands of these damn 'Tube' sites. Before I know it half the day has gone by and all I have done is jerk off. Great way to run a business!

It is now so bad that every time I look at my computer I start to think about sex and sometimes can't wait to get home to look for a fresh 'fix'. I have a girlfriend (for the first time ever) who is very pretty with a great body but even so I often go to bed after her and will jerk off to a slut I don't know and don't care about while the woman who truly loves me sleeps above in the room where I am  looking at this shit.

This is only going to explode and will become much worse than it is now. You can't go anywhere near a mobile phone or the Internet without some sex related material on display and if you say to someone that it will screw them up they think you're old fashioned or weird. I am not a hypocrite and never slam anyone for doing what i do; that would be self righteous and I just hate that sort of person.

All I can say is this; If you are starting to like porn movies and have a bit of a habit developing, stop right now. You will seriously mess yourself up. Emotionally you won't be able to bond with a partner (Well, not properly) and if the addiction is very strong you will never lose the desire to watch it whenever you get the chance. You will spend hours of your life playing with your d**k (Or P***y, girls) and will waste loads of time on your own looking at a computer monitor in search of that never achievable fix.

It is very depressing and can, I believe, lead to mental health issues and possibly suicidal thoughts as you realize that you can't get this fantasy sex in the real world. You can have amazing sex, don't get me wrong, but it is not the same fix as when you're sat jerking off to a person who isn't there to see your reaction and maybe even fall in love with you, and you with her.

Porn has ruined a lot of my feelings for the opposite sex and I feel bad for my girlfriend. I regularly decline her offers for sex and instead wait, sometimes all night, for her to go to bed so that I can find my dream sex fantasy. It isn't real but the magnetic draw is very real and will pull you away from an actual woman. If you are the shy type and are too afraid of talking to women, men, or you may not live in an area or work where you can meet somebody it is still dangerous to rely on this shit.

Anyway, I had to write this as I'm hoping it may just prevent someone else from going along the same road that I did back in 1982. I'm still on that road and would love to find an exit but so far the road is between a barrier of beautiful and sexy women who give me continued sexual pleasure. What I can't seem to do is just slow down and notice that the exit is always there if you look for it.

Porn really will blind you from the true meaning of sex. It was meant to be a gift from God to bond the two persons together so that the two become as one flesh and enjoy not just the sex but all of the other amazing things that a partnership can bring, love, loyalty, a family and other more important things. Porn has to go or else no one will ever stand a chance of a successful and happy relationship.

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "I'm a Prisoner of Porn and Can't Escape"

Ionnis said (March 7, 2010):

I have a few solutions to offer that may help people.

(1) The first is an ancient technique called MEDITATION. Try to do that at least once a day. Basically you sit motionless at the same place and at the same time every day, most often just watching yourself or following your breath..

There are many books written about meditation mostly coming from the orient, (India, China, Tibetan, Japan etc). If you do that the sexual energy will begin to get converted into a higher vibration and slowly slowly the habit of pornography will lose its interest.

(2) Go to bed early at night time, preferably by 10:00pm. People become most vulnerable to pornography late at night when they don't have anything else to do. So, if you go to bed early enough you can avoid seeing pornography. It is also good for the health.

(3) Have your computer on when you have something important to do. At other times have it turned off.

(4) Have in mind, that there are active forces opposing man all the time, specially when he tries to improve himself. Pray whenever you can, to God, and also to Archangel Michael. You might not believe in this stuff, but pray anyway and see if you get any results. Pray to Archangel Michael to purify your mind and keep you always on the right road. You might be in for a surprise.

(5) Discipline yourself more. It is easy to do it once you decide.

Don said (March 1, 2010):

This is in response to Marilyn,[below] an obnoxious misandrist, and Exhibit A as to why many men in Western countries are looking elsewhere for female companionship.

Let’s deconstruct your last paragraph, shall we, Marilyn?

“Very few women like watching porn.”

Not true, Marilyn! Women enjoy watching porn just as much as men:

Women are just as voyeuristic as men, and get just as aroused watching porn, as men do.

“Women inherently understand that sex and love belong together---which is something most men cannot fathom. Face it, fellas, you’re a bunch of Neanderthals.”

Are you !#@%$ kidding me!?

I can tell you, from VAST personal experience, that women are hornier than men, and more promiscuous than men – all a guy needs to know is which buttons to push, and her panties come off faster than you can say ‘seduction’, Marilyn. Love’s got NOTHING to do with it – if you make her feel good, that’s ALL that counts, and you KNOW it just as well as I do. Don’t think for one moment that I, or any other self-respecting man, will let you set yourself atop some pedestal – we’ll kick that platform right out from under you without either a moment’s delay, or a hint of remorse.

Neanderthals, are we? Look in the mirror, woman! We men, via the construct of civilization, dragged women out of the Stone Age and into an environment where men and women alike could enjoy safe, productive, meaningful lives – and we’ve dutifully tolerated the incessant carping of women ever since. Think women can make a better world than men, Marilyn? Think again – surviving Stone Age societies, Native American reservations, and inner-city ghettos all have one thing in common – they’re full-fledged MATRIARCHIES. Get a freakin’ clue.

Oh, and what’s so damned troubling about acquiring a mail-order bride, a young woman who is beautiful and sweet-tempered, someone who won’t morph into a shrieking harpy once the ring is on her finger? Or have you never watched an episode of Bridezillas? You just don’t like the competition, Marilyn – you can’t stand the fact that increasing numbers of men refuse to eat the s**t sandwich you and other Western women offer to men on an ongoing basis.

I have a hard time believing, based upon your repellent attitude, that you and your put-upon husband were able to bond in any significant way – which is WHY he watched porn instead of spending time with you. Or haven’t you been able to connect the dots?

Lila said (March 1, 2010):

An addiction can only be healed if 1) the person makes a conscious choice that he/she wants to stop and 2) lots and lots of hard work, anguish, sacrifice and a grieving process coupled with emotional healing.

Watching porn movies with your girlfriend is not going to precipitate healing, sorry to say, and my bet is it will put more distance between the addict and the girlfriend/spouse when they realize how the addict sees women, as objects and nothing else. In order to heal from the addiction, the addict must undo hundreds of thousands of hours of emotional and physical programming.

That's why I believe most people don't give it up, just the thought of the work and emotional effort involved makes them rush to the nearest porn movie!

In the end, Henry, porn addiction is just like any other addiction, it ruins relationships, ruins lives and leaves the addict a shell of a person.

"Mike" the author said (March 1, 2010):

Wow! I was not expecting so many offers for help. I do realize that I have a serious problem here and I have tried so many times to get this out of my system.

Porn is like a bad tattoo that seemed like a good idea at the time. Months or even years later you start to hate it. It's there when you close your eyes and it's there when you look at your reflection in the mirror, you also remember the person who stabbed your skin with the sharp and painful needles to make the pattern or drawing on your body come to life. One day you have the tattoo removed, you hate it so much. Now you have a scar to remind you about what was there, the problem. This is now how I feel about porn. I can remove it from view but it will scar my mind deper than any tattoo. All of those images are as clear as any memory I have from childhood, good and bad. It is there until I die and I know this. I really wish that I could go back to 1982 and not get that bag from out of the cupboard and I also wish the only woman I had ever seen having sex was with me; my long term partner.

Sadly this isn't how it is and it is very disturbing to think that Satan has got me trapped inside a Porn Prison. Even after trying so hard not to look at any today I fell victim again. I got home from a morning walk and turned on my computer as soon as I got through the door at home. Within minutes I had access to all the porn I wanted, needed. It upsets me to think that the power of this 'drug' is so strong and can be used on anyone at any age, male or female.

Some people reckon that too much exposure will make you consider raping just to get a kick. That is not true of me and I would NEVER hurt anyone. I also look at straight porn and don't need rape sites, child porn, torture or anything else other than a girl with a slim body; a pretty looking shaved 19 year old blonde. I don't need anything weird to get my kicks but it still isn't good for me or anyone else with the same addiction.

I sometimes work abroad and when I am not able to get anywhere near the internet I am at my happiest. I can manage to make a day constructive and not waste half, or sometimes all, of it sat masturbating to porn movies. I also don't feel so depressed when I am away from porn. Porn has a way of really screwing with your mind by showing you what you won't ever have. I don't mean that someone can't have a stunning and beautiful looking partner who is as sexy as your wettest dream. It is not that. It's more like a quick fix that goes deeper. Satan is behind this and the wealthy elite promote this on a massive scale. It is there to deter the ideas of real love. A love of God, not just the opposite sex. The creator really wants everyone to wake up from the dark spell that Satan has put us under.

You see porn on roadside billboards, superstore posters, TV, music channels and other 'late shows' (Non stop subtle porn or images that get you curious to want more), school playgrounds on mobile phones and just about anywhere else. It has been around for thousands of years and will be around for a long time yet; it will also become far easier to get hold of hardcore material and at any place on Earth right now I can tap into the net and view porn of any description.

Mike too said (March 1, 2010):

I have just read "Mike's" article on Porn addiction and was compelled to write in support of his comments.

I too have been addicted to porn for many years; my first sexual release was in the Spring of 1986, shortly after flicking through magazines that had been left in a wooded area near my School.

From that moment on, when I was just 14, I have went out of my way to access porn.

My Catholic upbringing meant that I could not talk to my parents about my situation.

Into my early 20's, and for nearly 7 years, my promiscuity attained legendary status with my friends. ...

The sexual conquests and permutations were many, (like "Mike", I too have lost count of the women and can't even remember most of the faces of the people I have been with).

My ability to form meaningful relationships with women has been very difficult. I am now fortunately in a happy marriage (with two beautiful kids) but it has been a torturous experience for me (and my wife) to get to where I am now.

But the desire remains and I do masturbate to internet porn on a very regular basis.

I am at ease with my condition more so now than I have ever been. I have admitted my addiction which is the first step to recovery.

However, my awareness of the need to cleanse my soul and mind is growing by the day and through reading websites such as yours, I am finding a path which will lead me to a purer, more focused life.

Thank you for your sterling efforts in helping to raise the public's awareness of the world around us.

Ron said (March 1, 2010):

As I read this article, I wanted to cry. I fully empathize with your writer. I would rather have been addicted to Crack or heroin. the effects are visible and there are rehab facilities for "druggies" But for my generation there is no cure from this addiction. I have prayed and cried my eyes out. only to find myself repeating this Vile disgusting habit a few day later. What must a man do to escape?

Marilyn said (March 1, 2010):

My late husband enjoyed porn.

I think it's debasing to women. I used to let him see my disgust when he
watched it, so he didn't view it while I was awake, or home.

Even so, I don't believe he was 'addicted' and he wasn't afraid of bonding with me, either. I think all men are voyeuristic. Very few women like watching porn. Women inherently understand that sex and love belong together---which is something most men cannot fathom. Face it, fellas, you're a bunch of Neanderthals. Some of you even go the mail order bride route, which is every bit as troubling as porn, in my view. God, what is the matter with you!

Sheila said (March 1, 2010):

I know many people will find this young man's story unbelievable, and I would have also -- if I had not heard an almost identical story from a close friend. He wants desperately to give up his porn addiction and repeatedly goes and throws his entire collection of videos in the dumpster -- only to end up buying more. He says that the videos are more exciting than being with a real woman.
So I believe this story is real.
Sheila Casey

Tom said (February 28, 2010):

I can understand you posting 'mike's' story in good faith, however, he is either a very sick person with evil tendencies or 'mike' is a disinformation source advertising it's wares (ie porn websites) or maybe and thirdly, to justify his perversion 'mike' is inviting us to join him in his cesspool of filth. Either way he is a perverted soul that doesn't, from my perspective, deserve a great deal of sympathy. he is 1 of the people who is reeking havoc on families by destroying young girls lives, breaking up marriages (he doesn't seem to discriminate between married or single) and he takes photos and films of his 'ecstacy' spiked victims (a pornographer)!!

repent or go to hell 'mike'



I post it because it is a cautionary tale. This man is burning in hell.


Bill said (February 28, 2010):

If someone wants to save themselves from porn they should avoid it like the plague, both in their thoughts and their actions. The pleasure and excitement from porn is from Cosmic Evil, not from God. One should see it for what it is. When one starts to feel the excitement or pleasure from thinking about porn, one should tell himself: "You're starting to access Cosmic Evil" or "You are accessing Cosmic Evil." Repeat this process again and again, whenever you feel it. This will douse it with cold water, so to speak.

Philippe said (February 28, 2010):

Hello Henry, maybe this can help Mike and others ?

Fear of bonding and being emotionally close is your underlying problem fuelling the escapism into porn.

It comes from repeatedly deeply hurt feelings,
usually heavily repressed feelings during childhood,often hidden emotional neglect from early on.

Often our mothers and fathers did not live and show their feelings,instead rationalising everything,repressing feelings and replacing them with mind games.

They usually do this to avoid feeling the hurt
of their own wounded feelings and the sadness
and desperation from realising the lost opportunities.

Forced schooling, moulding of the mind through
traumatizing mind control tales in church, print and mass media,rental debt slavery and military drill are the primary means to achieve this epidemic.

In contrast, Love is simply and powerfully "Wanting To Be Close" :-)

As with any heavy addiction to drugs,the hole you fill with your addiction is a deep lack of love.
We all need to get love before we are able to love. Lack of crucial love in early childhood can be partially mended later.

Breaking the addiction is easiest through
being honest about it with all concerned.
Introduce your girlfriend with what is going on,
don't watch your porn without her.

It will be embarrassing, but it will give you the opportunity to start sharing deep feelings which are usually never touched,which can create a real bond.

Replace your drug, don't try to just suppress it.

Do you really want "love, loyalty, a family"
or is this just what you tell yourself but not what you feel ?

Think about whether you really want to keep her for life more then anything else.

Chances are she has similar fears of bonding
and if you lessen yours, hers will show.
You can lose her this way,but it is the only way to really win her too.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at