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"Imperfect 10" Women Suffer Pain

November 15, 2012

middle-aged-woman.jpg(left, not Deb)

Men are so fixated on female beauty, they miss out on a lot of great women. Here is a letter from one. 

"I was not able to live totally as a woman because I was denied [sexually] when I was young and now denied as I am getting old." 

by Deb

I cannot tell you the pain it causes a woman over her lifetime who does not match up to the right side in your "Men - Design Your Perfect 10 Woman."

I am not unattractive by any means and at 52 years old now...I am still holding my own pretty well as I am a runner, work out, am a strong believer in Christ and I take very good care of myself and those I love but I am not a Victoria Secret model. 

It was my sister  3 years my junior who was born with that blessing/curse. As a young girl I suffered rejection continuously as I was passed over again and again for my sister and all the other girls with "sex appeal." 

There was one time when a really popular guy at school used to call me. We talked a lot on the phone but he never even noticed me at school. He had a "perfect 10" as a girlfriend. 

I met a guy at church and we married but he was not sexually attracted to me. 

We talked and laughed for hours and he became attracted to me as a person and because we had become intimate to a degree, he felt he should marry me because "it was the right thing" given the things we had done...but once marriage and children set was obvious he was not attracted to me. We had very little sex.

After all...I was not a perfect 10 and he was even though I loved sex as a young woman (and still do I can count on one hand how many times I told him no in our 30+ years of marriage...)  I was denied my desires
because he was filling his with a magazine, image from someone on the street or our friends from church that were a "perfect 10."  

Now he is 52 and doesn't have as much desire anymore and I am beginning to fear my sex life is almost over. And that pains me because I feel I was not able to live totally as a woman because I was denied when I was young and now denied as I am getting old. 


Back to my perfect 10 sister....her husband of 20 years divorced her a few years ago and she is in the middle of another divorce within 3 years of her 
last divorce so this makes 3 total for her and she is 49. 

She is also still trying to be a perfect 10...dressing in skinny a tatoo...hanging out with her young adult daughters and friends rather than adults her age. It's pretty pathetic. I suppose she thinks she will be young forever?? 

I guess she always will be to those older men that are still foolish enough to think there is something to be had in a perfect 10. After her divorce she met a guy (within a week) and in his amazement to be dating her he said "I just can't believe it! It's like heaven opened and this angel came right out of heaven into my arms."  

When she told me that I chuckled inside...We'll see I thought. That relationship lasted a few months. Too bad men believe the lies about how women should look just as women believe the same lies and try to live up to that. It's impossible. 

Sadly it usually takes age for both of them to realize the truth about who
we are. By then...our youth is gone and much of it wasted on what was "supposed to be." 

Thanks Victoria ['s Secret] and Hugh [Hefner.] You succeeded
in helping bring down the relationship between men and woman and what is known as "the family." 

Comments for ""Imperfect 10" Women Suffer Pain"

Marcos said (November 17, 2012):

Deb is the perfect example of how women think nowadays. She blames men for not valuing the real inner qualities of a mature 52 y-old woman.

Then she leaves a last comment saying how she is better than the young Barbies and how many men pay attention to her.

That's plain rationalization and self-delusion.

Can modern women learn anything ?

Deb (author) said (November 17, 2012):

I'm not too concerned with the responses. From the few I read...they did not understand where I was coming from and failed to see I was really speaking of the past more than anything.

Lol...I am not frumpy and have plenty of male attention even @ 52. Most people do not believe I have 5 grandchildren! I out lift all the "barbie's" that are in the gym just to show off their assets. I have trophies for weightlifting and running. And I am a very happy and fulfilled woman with my current husband of 30 plus years. We are deeply in love and we have both grown up a lot. I was just trying to express what a woman feels that goes through this. It is all behind me now and I don't even care as much. As you get older that happens doesn't it? Some things are just not as important as they once were. Thank you for posting it. You did a great job!

A quote I love from Sophie Tucker

When a girl is 0-18...she needs good parents!
When she is 18-36 she needs good looks!
When a woman is 36-55 she needs a good personality...
And from 55 on ...she needs cash!!!

Henry...I need cash!! Lol...

Rich said (November 17, 2012):

It is NO different men either. If a man is not at least 6'2", on the football team or the captain OF the football team in college, then most girls don't care. I know many of my friends that had ZERO dates in high school.. I had a whopping two. Even though I'm not short, am above average looking and in good shape, the girls wanted the typical asshole, macho, aggressive guys.. especially if he's 6'2" or taller. There can be only ONE captain of the football team, but that's who they all want.

So for all this talk of men only caring about the outside, women are JUST as bad and WORSE. Women, especially American women always want the "tall, dark and handsome" and even though Americans were the tallest men in the world for decades, it still was not enough for most girls. So if a girl is 5'2", she magically becomes 5'6" with her 4 inch heels. Many girls have one of their hundreds of dumb rules that they CAN'T date a man that's not at LEAST 5 or 6 inches taller than her WITH her high heels on.

Men focus on the outside because we're not with women because we're obsessed with sharing, talking, bonding or the like. They want a hot girl on their arm, they want sex (which means HE must be visually turned on by her), he wants fun, not war with her, and he wants a trusting companion to go through life with. Short and simple list.. except most women today leave men like a revolving door, are way too confrontational, argumentative and can't be trusted at all.. So much for that idea.

Marcos said (November 16, 2012):

t is absolutely natural the sex drive and attraction of a 50 year-old husband to his wife to be diminished. Biology rules, she just isn't fertile anymore.

In old times, maternity and wisdom gave women a honored role that substituted the sexual appeal. Also, husbands would always see in the mature wife some of the charm of the young one. A mature, single "cougar" today is basically a "pump and dump" object.

Unfortunately, Deb, your sex life is indeed almost over. I suggest you seek for satisfaction and fulfillment from other areas, such as art, work, spirituality and friendships. Life is more than sex.

Al Thompson said (November 16, 2012):

I'm not sure I had a ten, but easily a 9 and I'll never go for a woman just for her looks again. If anything, I would want someone who is simply a nice woman. Deb, there are a lot of men who do not want to go through the drama of having another "10." I'll tell you that it wasn't fun going through a marriage with that kind of nonsense. I would want a companion, friend, and wife--I don't want a sparing partner.

I was playing golf this afternoon with a friend and this subject came up. He has a great wife, she's very friendly, and he loves her a lot. She's not particularly attractive but he would never trade her for a 10. He said he had one who actually pulled a knife on him. So, I think you'll find someone good, but that's hard after 30 years of marriage. I was married for 32 years and I don't have much interest in it because I don't know if I could trust a woman again.

I enjoyed your article and agree with it. I hope you find someone who will appreciate you. There are men out there who feel the same way you do. I think a woman like you would be a treasure for most men. But the problem is that they've been brainwashed by promiscuous sex and that always ruins relationships between men and women.

Be patient, you should be able to find someone who will be good for you.

Corine said (November 16, 2012):

The fact that your husband married you means that you are special and there is more into you than Physical beauty. I used to think that marriage meant legal hot steamy bang bang party, well it's not! especially when children are in the scene.

Perhaps it's the routine that kills the desire in a marriage but a diminished libido does not mean that your husband is not interested in you anymore; You should simply address the issue calmly with him and let him know that you want a little more intimacy.

Beautiful women attracts jerks, everyone wants a piece of them, just look at all those sex kittens in Hollywood, on average each of them has been divorced at least twice! It is true that it can be frustrating not getting the attention, but young women attractive or not ( by the way I think that all women are beautiful, beauty standards vary from one culture to another) should rejoice in not attracting guys who do not care about them and should stick to principles and seek out morally sound men like your husband, I have had my share of sad experiences and I wish I had covered myself up with a burka in my dating years just to go unnoticed.

Rob said (November 16, 2012):

I can assure you that it is no better for a man, who is not a “Perfect 10”

Hugh said (November 16, 2012):

'Lo Henry
I found this in a Dear Abby column years ago. Someday, if I marry again. I'll use the advice. hnc

DEAR ABBY: So often I read about troubled marriages in your column. May I share with you something that my husband and I started doing that has transformed what I thought was a good marriage into a blissful one?One day, after complaining that we had no quality time together -- we rarely talked, much less made love -- my husband suggested we turn off the television and offered to give me a massage.
Ever since, four or five times a week, once the children are in bed, we go into our bedroom, take off our clothes and give each other long massages. Sometimes we spend the entire time in conversation, other times we savor the peace and quiet. Sometimes we make passionate love; other times we fall asleep naked in each other's arms, completely content.
It doesn't matter how it turns out; it's wonderful and it has made the rest of our lives less stressful and more enjoyable. Our sex life is better than before the children came, and we sleep in the nude more often.
I hope you'll print this. More marriages would take a turn for the better if couples made time for each other and discovered the wonders of massage. -- HAPPIER THAN EVER

DEAR HAPPIER: That's a terrific suggestion, and one that should be taken to heart. I hope it doesn't rub anyone the wrong way.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at