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People are Puppets of their Sex Drive

September 25, 2012

Most women really haven't a CLUE just how powerful the male sex drive truly is, and worse, they really don't WANT to know

In sex, there is no man (or woman) more enslaved than those who cannot perceive their chains.

by Rich Loomis 

A comment by Jennifer (final comment re The Absurdity of the Male Sex Drive) deserves a comment in return. She opines: 

"Please men stop beating your chests that you have such huge sex drives! It is all falsely induced via the drug of porn--get over yourself."

If this sort of perception about the male sex drive was merely an ignorant one-off by Jennifer herself, it could be ignored as undeserving of attention or correction.

However, speaking from long personal experience and via deep conversations with a large variety of women over the years, I have observed a tremendous female blind spot on this vital matter that significantly contributes to the so-called "battle of the sexes."

The fact is, most women really haven't a CLUE just how powerful the male sex drive truly is, and worse, they really don't WANT to know. Why? Probably due to a mixture of several compelling reasons that few women understand (or would admit) about themselves.

First and foremost: they are consciously or unconsciously afraid that acknowledging the reality of a hard-wired sex drive difference would tend to "validate" the incontestable historical/biological pattern of male philandering and infidelity. They abhor the thought of granting any credence whatsover to the old (and at least somewhat true) excuse: "Honey, really, I do love you . . I just couldn't help myself!"

Ladies, how many of you have attempted -- time and again -- to quit smoking? When you fail, does that make you morally inferior to your non-smoking spouse or next-door neighbor? 

Can't you "control" your urges? How about that foul breath and nasty mouth-taste you impart with each kiss to loved ones? Have you no shame, are you no more than a mere animal with no care for how your habit impacts your marriage, your finances, your health, the attendent fire danger, and so on?

Or maybe you're not a smoker, but how about all those extra pounds that you simply "can't" seem to get rid of? One trendy diet after another, New Year's promises galore, yet right there in the bathroom mirror you see just how "helpless" you apparently are to your hunger urges, yes? Doesn't matter that hubby has lost significant interest in the bedroom, or that you are afraid to go to the beach or to that upcoming high school reunion . . what, you're going to use the "excuse" that you just can't help yourself?

Ok, point made. Whether hard-wired from birth, or whether re-wired chemically by repeated misuse of a substance or of a particular "voluntary" mode of rich sensory input, those without similar structural/habitual alterations to body chemistry and desire most often have little patience or understanding with regard to just how damnably addictive and powerful such forces can be.

Moreover, women in particular are again, consciously or unconsciously loathe to give up even the tiniest mote of their natural advantage, or even to acknowledge that such advantage exists. They are the "cool" heads, the evaluators, the ones with relatively LITTLE sex drive -- until triggered by certain vital circumstances that suggest to the primal female brain that mating would be both safe and advantageous. (Yes, there are exceptions, some women with an almost pathological desire for sex, and some "normal" men who have little inclination to stray or even look at an attractive neighbor. But this discussion is with regard to the "norms" within reason.)

Women then, can be said to be much like female birds, carefully observing the colorful males strutting and boasting, chirping their love songs and otherwise advertising their intense desire to mate. The males would -- if only they could -- immediately and always "jump" any available female but nature has seen to it that both sexes do NOT have similar drives, else the vital selection/survival of the "fittest" aspect would be lost and the progeny would deteriorate to the point of extinction.

Likewise with human females: if they did in fact have ANYTHING even remotely resembling the male drive I can tell you what would be the norm in this world -- nothing whatsoever would get done, we'd all be screwing our heads off nearly all the time, behind every bush or in every restroom stall and guess what? Who, exactly, would be there afterwards to look after the resultant infants and young children?

Without an unperturbed "cool head" ability to "note" their own sex drive but NOT be compelled by it, the protection of family would collapse. Like the female bird, a woman closely observes the courtship rituals, the flowers, the gifts, the confident pose and swagger, the demonstrated ability to "provide" via flashy display of car, clothes, nest-ready house in the suburbs, etc, such that in sum the female brain concludes that indeed, the male in question probably IS under sufficient influence of "love" (i.e. addictive hormones) that he is likely to hang around at least until the typical "seven year itch" which generally is enough to insure the survival of the child or children past the initial critical period of human development.


There is another major subset to the mating equation, however, that tends to conspire against mutual understanding. And this is the reluctance of either males or females to perceive and acknowledge the essentially fraudulent and manipulative biological aspect of the sex drive.

We have been socialized and imprinted as being either male or female, with attendent expectations and behavior patterns that resist alteration or even true self awareness. A useful example derives from some chemical experimentation that was conducted, whereby a few women were given large doses of male testosterone. One of the many observed changes was an almost total reversal of the stereotypical "gushing and gooing" over babies -- the medicated women behaved with almost the same bemused detachment and "polite" semi-interest as most men.

Indeed, the matter of identity and "who we are" is not often probed in much depth, for it can be very troubling to consider how extensively the question of who we THINK we are is often a matter of hormonal balances, brain chemistry, etc. Most men, for example, are not only oblivious to nature's manipulations, they positively revel in their chemical chains, boasting of how frequently they "need it" or do it or how powerfully attracted they are to breasts, or buttocks, or to a certain configuration of feminine charms.

Likewise women regard their goo-gooing over babies as "natural" and almost revel in their readiness and willingness to endure the agonies of childbirth -- from which any "sane" human being might otherwise run in horror! 

In essence, both sexes are in fact chemically programmed to "think" and act in a manner most likely to promote the survival of the species -- end of story! 

Once in a while a particular man or woman becomes aware of certain aspects or even disadvantages of such programming, but such awareness tends to strike at the root of what we each call our "identity."

One can be verbally, or even physically attacked, by suggesting too openly or persuasively that much of who we are is a charade and bondage on behalf of nature, and not the "sexual freedom" we imagine for ourselves.

Thus it is troubling for women to acknowledge a man's chemical drive as such, for it would subliminally challenge their OWN identity and role as a "woman" to admit of such influences or bio-chemical mandates.

Much easier to merely label men as brutish "animals" with no moral compass, than to examine the entire human equation, and woman's own manipulated function therein.

Fortunately, there are also higher influences, higher questions, and loftier motivations than those programmed via brain chemistry. Spiritual principles and practices, platonic or agape love that is not dependent upon either male or female sexual union, along with moral guidances, the Golden Rule, etc, offer us all a "rock" of freedom and stability that can rescue from the ebb and flow of hormones, sexual opportunity or the lack thereof, IF we seek such deliverance or are even aware of the need for such deliverance.

Those still in the thrall of the senses and depravity of various depths and divergences may not only resent the idea that their lusts are not their "own" but are typically unwilling to grant the same to others. We have all seen the hatred directed at those whose brain chemistry and hard-wiring was distorted by a mistake of nature -- boys who preferred playing with dolls, and later became captive to the hormones directing them towards males instead of females.

Bottom line: ladies, if you don't have a clue about the burden men endure for their sexual identity so-called, GET a clue. Men, if you don't have a clue about the burden women endure for their sexual identity so-called, and for their rigors of childbirth, selecting a mate and nest on their future children's behalf, GET a clue.

Perhaps no excuses for unsuitable sexual behavior . . but oftimes REASONS that true understanding and compassion can mitigate or heal, for sake of the union and family.


Related Makow   -   The Effect of Sexual Deprivation on Women 

Comments for "People are Puppets of their Sex Drive"

David said (September 27, 2012):

Commentators are making the mistake of seeing males and females as separate and independent entities. As such, they account for the sex drive as hormone-dependent or stimulation-dependent. Either the male is to be be blamed for being chemically victimized or the woman is to be blamed for being a seductive temptress. All this is very superficial analyses.

Females have the energy/powers with which to affect males. They can stimulate the sex drive, they can over-stimulate it (premature ejaculation) or they can cool you off with their use of directed energy. In the reality of the society's sex games, the tribes or colors work on people's sexual arousal or cool down all the time. This is part of their usual ritual in divvying up the crops of females among themselves.

It is not just stimulus-reaction programming, hormones or deficiency in self-control. When the society or nearby females want you to have sex, they have the turn-on power. Searching for the answer everywhere but the matrix in which this behavior takes place, is a pet method whereby mankind finds truth......and end up hiding it!

Paul said (September 27, 2012):

The issue I find common among the complaining married men I talk to is that their wives don't meet their sexual needs. So if women marry and then don't take care of their spoouses sexual needs what's that make them? In my opinion failures and not perfoming their conjugal duties. Pressure and culture itself should coerce married women to realize the importance of meeting the needs of their husbands. If they must they should grin and bear it. After all they claim they wanted to marry. Well then...take care of your husband woman!

Women in my opinion in the modern world are collective failiures and the shortage of sex so common among men, indicates that women are indifferent to their spouses needs. Cultural rot and the rise of feminism and filling womens minds with these notions has not helped the situation. And then women are horrified why many men don't want to marry! Why should they when they hear the older married men talking about having sex once a week (if they're lucky).

If women want marriage, they better make marriage attractive to the men they claim they love and provide for their needs (and prostate health).

Perhaps the best solution for males would be sex selection (and referring to the Beach Boys song) where there would be two girls for every boy.

Lisa said (September 26, 2012):

I came across this link a few weeks back and wanted to share this as it seemed appropriate for this article.

Seems to me we ladies still have so much to learn about our male friends/husbands on how they think and more importantly view us. My husband reminds me that men are visual. So I do try to dress feminine as well as cover up. Ie scarf, jacket, button down shirt to cover bare shoulders. There was a time in which I wore a long ankle length skirt to a restaurant and a long sleeve shirt that showed my shoulders. The very essence of femininity with ruffles around the neck.

I noticed later the waiter had a hard time concentrating especially when he brought dessert. He went around to the other side of the table no where near us to serve it! Then he caught himself, looked skyward, picked it up again and brought it around, set it down and begin hacking away at it when he was suppose to cut it! Granted he is a friend of mine but he was acting so strangely that night that I never understood it.

Anyway the study does seem to support this action but I think at its core it is deeper than that. Femininity makes a huge difference in how men perceive us. They might admire a woman that understands tools and hoots and hollers at concerts but it will never awaken the tenderness they feel towards us if we do not embrace what makes us female.

Al Thompson said (September 26, 2012):

"In essence, both sexes are in fact chemically programmed to "think" and act in a manner most likely to promote the survival of the species -- end of story! "

I agree that the primary reason for sex is for making babies. The best part of life is having children and raising them to be adults. Being a puppet of a sex drive is one of the deadly links that should be broken. Sex in its proper context is a good thing; between a married man and a woman. But if the sex drive is not controlled before marriage, I think it leads to all kinds of problems. In my opinion, men and women have about the same preoccupation with sex. Men love to look at women, but more women dress in a provocative manner than men do. However, men will look at a woman who is dressed in than manner. So, it is women who are probably more prone to fornication than men. It's just my opinion, but I think I'm right. I never thought of it in this manner until I read this from The Testament of the Twelve Patriarchs:

"Hurtful are women, my children; because, since they have no power or strength over the man, they
act subtilly through outward guise how they may draw him to themselves; and whom they cannot
overcome by strength, him they overcome by craft. For moreover the angel of God told me concerning
them, and taught me that women are overcome by the spirit of fornication more than men, and they
devise in their heart against men; and by means of their adornment they deceive first their minds, and
instil the poison by the glance of their eye, and then they take them captive by their doings, for a
woman cannot overcome a man by force. Therefore flee fornication, my children, and command...."

The power of women over a man is fornication, and believe me it is exactly the way this passage describes it. Women, are more overcome by fornication than me are, strangely enough. Who is it who usually dresses provocatively? It's usually the women, not the men. They put the "glance" in their eyes to draw men to them, and overpower the man with the evil of fornication. A man loses his power when he fornicates, and everything seems to go wrong. I suggest reading this early Jewish/Christian writing, as it is very instructive regarding the dangers of fornication. The idea here is not to be overcome by the temptation. Know that the temptation will arise, but if a person is patient, the urge will go away as fast as it came.

The idea for fixing the problem to being "puppets for sex" would be some self-control by reserving sex for marriage.

Linda said (September 26, 2012):

I just finished reading the article posted on your website, People are Puppets of their Sex Drive. Interesting read, the last paragraphs speak the loudest - and I concur that following moral guidelines, particularly by the power of God's Spirit in us, keeps mankind (both male and female) in check. We are not animals but humans with the ability to reason and make moral choices.

That being said, there is an interesting physiological occurrence in women that creates a similar sex drive akin to the twenty year old male. As we women age and approach menopause we go through physiological changes called peri-menopause. This life experience is oft ignored, though certainly has been given more attention in recent years. One of the biggest complaints from women in this stage of life is an increase in sex drive.

Yes, indeed, I have heard some women admit their empathy for young males if indeed what they (the peri-menopausal women) are experiencing is anything like what the male experiences with similar raging hormones. Estrogen loss creates male hormone dominance in women...crazy stuff. And wouldn't you know it, the women hits 50, finally understands her husband's drive and lo-and-behold her husband isn't interested. Her testosterone has gone up, his has decreased.

So, as the article so eloquently said at the end...both sexes need to get a clue, understand what the body goes through and seek the strength to live lives that honor their Creator. No one ever said this life was going to be easy but we don;t have to go through it powerless and alone.

Take care,
Linda (just turned 50 in August...ha, is grand)

V said (September 26, 2012):

I have met many pro-athlete, first born, high testosterone healthy young men who had amazing control over their powerful sex drives. And I have met other similar young men who had no control. The main difference was that the young men who could control themselves and channel their sex drives and its energy into productive activities were taught to do so by a father or father figure who knew how to control himself first. Just like the elephants. We are in generations of men-fathers- absent fathers-who do not know how to teach their young teenage boys how to control themselves as they are out of control themselves. And IMHO children need their Dads past age 7. Young boys and girls need strong grounded Dads a whole lifetime.

And likewise this idea about controlling other urges --the ability is often learned from ones parents. Hence the idea to check out her Mother to see if the Mother is fat --to know if the daughter learned by her mother how to eat a healthy diet or how not to use food to fill a hole/void.

Self control, productively channeling energies is learned by ones Elders. If there are none or they are lost then the next generation will fall off the rails too. I teach self-esteem to young teen girls. I teach them how to deal with a society that is manipulating them to have teenage sex and to have compassion and understanding for boys by saying no, no and no to sex.

Boys need to be taught by Men. This is a Call to Action: All Clear Grounded In-Control-Men please start volunteering, as I have, to turn this thing around.

Michael said (September 26, 2012):

This article by Rich Loomis is excellent and timely. He really underlines a point that has been bothering me for a long time - why women cannot seem to understand just what they are doing when they dress like that. It's frustrating and annoying.

This is why the (real, pre-1958) Catholic Church always promoted modesty, modest, modesty! The rest of us are not like Our Lord or St. Joseph. We actually have to worry about sin, and today's immodesty does not help.

I also like the point Tony B made in his comment: "Women in general, those reasonably young and well put together anyway, are much less upset when seen nude or nearly nude than are most men...Then why bitch when they get bites? As a matter of sad fact, what used to be complimentary remarks and gestures, such as the obvious "wolf whistle," are now "proof of harassment" if the "wrong" guy reacts..."

To be *provoked* like that, against one's will and better (spiritual) desires (for what ? sin ?) is just aiding the devil to drag souls along to hell...but to give the -occasion- for sin (i.e. immodesty) will also be judged.

Of course, in a sense I can't fault the younger generation, much, because they do not know better. All they've learned growing up is immodesty and contraception instead of spiritual principles. Certainly the Lord will take all of these things into account in His judgments.

Dan said (September 26, 2012):

Who does this guy think he is telling readers to 'get a clue'?

Jennifer was right. What postmodern males believe is an uncontrollable, powerful libido is sex addiction programmed at a early age by media over-stimulation of boys. It's nothing to be proud of.

As for women not having a "clue" about the power of this "hard wired" male sex addiction, what a joke. Most women recognize it for what it is: a weakness. I guarantee you that women that choose afflicted men recognize it and exploit it.

Don't mistake sex addiction for masculinity. Ask yourself these questions;

Do you have trouble maintaining relationships once the “sexual newness” of a new partner has worn off?

Do you feel preoccupied or distracted by your sexual thoughts or activity?

Do you keep the extent or nature of your sexual obsessions hidden from friends or girlfriend, or wife?

Have you ever had sex with someone just because you were feeling aroused and later felt ashamed or regretted it?

Have you made repeated promises to yourself or another person to change some form of your sexual activity only to break them later?

None of these reflect 'masculinity'. On the contrary, any one of these are symptoms of weakness due to arrested development. A male so afflicted is incapable of seeing women as they really are, much less having healthy masculine relationships with women.

I am frankly fed up with grown men whose self identity and also their view of are still wrapped up in a few ounces of flesh dangling between their legs.

Tony B said (September 26, 2012):

Also, why is it that women want to blame men's sex drive on "porn" when too many of them make themselves into walking porn, showing as much of their bodies as they feel they can get away with, not to mention dressing their very young daughters in as sexy outfits as they can find, calling it "cute." These are probably the first to condemn any male of any age noticing their on-display girl children.

Women in general, those reasonably young and well put together anyway, are much less upset when seen nude or nearly nude than are most men. It's their natural advertising. Of course, the object of advertising is to sell the product. Then why bitch when they get bites? As a matter of sad fact, what used to be complimentary remarks and gestures, such as the obvious "wolf whistle," are now "proof of harassment" if the "wrong" guy reacts instead of, when reason prevailed, the woman simply let the guy know he was not the one she was fishing for.

Most of the unfairness in the so-called "battle of the sexes" is simply government law's unwarranted interference in natural actions and reactions. Always to the advantage of the whims of women, which are often totally unreasonable.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at