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Dumping My Dream Girl

October 17, 2022

dreamgirl.jpg(I had just seen the movie, "The Gingerbread Man." The girl in my dream looked like actress Embeth Davidtz (left.)

My biggest regret in life is loving women. Romantic love is a delusion mostly
based on our powerful sexual and emotional instincts. Most people, men or women, are not that lovable. 

We get our ideas about life from Hollywood. Movies program us to seek
romantic love above all else.  Romantic love is an ersatz religion to teach us to seek ourselves in another person instead of in Self-development.   They taught us that sex is a "mystical experience," the best life offers. Sexual intercourse is a sacrament.  Orgasm is union with the universe.

Updated from Feb 8, 2011 & June 27, 2019
by Henry Makow PhD 

I am proud of a dream I recently had.

I was young again and single. My beautiful girlfriend and I were shopping. I suggested we go back to my apartment. I was feeling loving and wanted to hang out and cuddle. Just be happy together. Sex wasn't an issue.

Shortly after arriving, she says she has to leave.

Thwarted in love. Again.

In the dream, I press her for an explanation. She doesn't have one.

She doesn't want to be with me. I grant her wish.

I tell her I'm not interested in games. We're finished.

The End.  Don't come back.

I wake up pleased by my subconscious bravado.

You see, when I was young, I endured all kinds of misery from my infatuations, patiently overcoming each obstacle. I was the poster child for "needy."

In one instance, a woman who looked like Embeth (above) said she found me "repulsive."  If ever there was a cue to tell a woman to f**k off and get out, this was it. Women respect rejection because it confirms their opinion of themselves.

Instead, I ignored the comment and patiently persevered. We ended up living together for almost five years. I could fill another book  (in addition to "A Long Way to Go for a Date")
with what I endured. Obviously, I was immature and largely responsible for my fate.

I'm 72 now and no longer a player. I've been happily married for 21 years. I only wish I had awakened from this dream sooner.


Men have been programmed to believe that sex and "love" are the key to happiness. We need a woman's love to develop as men. We need to sexually satisfy a woman to prove our masculinity.

We are programmed to seek feminine approval when our own approval is all that matters. 

We are programmed to idealize flawed and often stupid women instead of real ideals: Truth, Justice, Love, Beauty and Goodness.

This is not women's fault. They don't want to be idealized. They don't respect men who do it. But narcissists often succumb.

Western society is a satanic (((Cabalist))) sex cult. Women have become sexual commodities. (((Communism))) has always viewed them as sexual utilities. If feminism were really pro-women, it would have promoted marriage and condemned promiscuity. Most women seek the life-long loyalty and love of a good man, their husband.

Anyway, I've been there, done that. I have satisfied a few women countless times and I have been satisfied as well. I've matured in the prescribed way. I discovered the lie by living it.

But I wish I had found a shortcut and downgraded the role of women and sex to its real level of importance,
say from 75% to 25%.

nietzsch.jpgI wish I hadn't loved them. Looking back, none was worth it.  I have wasted half my life

The satanist media has given young women a delusional sense of entitlement. Our mental programmers present them as demi-gods.
Just like prostitutes, many young women are no longer attractive to men. Men find modesty, innocence, style, intelligence, and femininity attractive.

Moreover, I sense that fewer and fewer women are even capable of loving a man. Their hearts have been poisoned by satanist social engineering. (Of course, men share the blame by treating women as sexual urinals.)

The mystification of beautiful women, like everything else, is the result of removing God from our lives. As Oscar Wilde said, "women are sphinxes without secrets."

Women are intended to be helpmates, not soul mates.

Women by nature are facilitators. They need a man to give them a task and love them for fulfilling it. They want a man to give them a purpose. They don't want to be his purpose.

If you found a "soul mate," I salute you. But our only soul mate is God.

The nuclear family is the foundation of civilization. That's why the Masonic Jewish (Satanic) central bankers are destroying it.


Am I bitter?  Yes. I am bitter for all the ways my culture has lied to me. Here, I blame Illuminist brainwashing that elevates sexual "relationships" to the negation of everything else. And I blame myself for falling for this garbage.   

The average man spends 75% of his energy on it. It's a great motivator for many men.
And yes, I realize it's hormonal.

 But we cannot let this biological and social programming ruin our lives. Many men are ruined by divorce.  Many women are gold diggers.
Perhaps the real takeaway is this:
Don't look for someone to believe in you.

People respect people who believe in themselves.

 If I had had more self-respect, perhaps I would have awakened from this sleep much earlier.

First Comment by Alan:

 Your latest expose on the above-subject completely nails it. I share your insights on the matter, for they are so, so true. The point of the time, effort, energy & money I have personally spent on the individual pursuit of happiness through relations with the opposite sex is well, unfathomable in retrospect.
 Needless to say Henry, another great article for articulating what I, unwilling to admit, are experiences I did not want to contemplate. Every normal male, as you stated, at the end of the day needs approval from themselves. Period. 
JH writes 

Henry, this is just great, great thinking and writing.  I had to write and say so.

I wish every male, young and old, could read it 100 times.

It takes that much and more -- the "programming" has been so protracted and severe......who among us has escaped it?

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Dumping My Dream Girl "

Chad said (October 18, 2022):

Welcome to MGTOW!

Dawn said (June 29, 2019):

Thank you Henry! I loved this. You are helping men learn from your mistakes by being honest and open about one of the biggest myths....Hollywood's/illuminati's lie about relationships between men and women.
Just another means to corrupt and defile us all. They are also lying about romantic homosexual "love/lust".

Bruno said (June 27, 2019):

I really enjoyed your 'dream girl' story. It is in a way funny, comical, sad, and terribly true.

I was thinking (very dangerous!), this story reminded me of the wonder girl of the early 1900s who became a goddess: Maria Orsic, the great aspiration of every modern girl.

She has become the role model of our famously infamous feminist elite all the way down. Sometimes it even seems to me that that is their environment they really enjoy and play well, just like Maria Osic, because no man can even come close to their proficiency in this wonderful world of magic.

Klaus (Germany) said (June 27, 2019):


I see your point but yet, romantic love might not be excluded from the greatest things if it goes with standing up for the true.

I grew up with all the crap of sex propaganda over here same as in your place. I fell for it but to no avail. Later on I came to believe in reincarnation, so I figured in one former life I burned my fingers so much on the subject I completely was blocked in this one. Although my outer appearance at times was compared to that of James Dean, for all my longing I never came near a kiss or a glance under a girls skirt, an alive one that is.

What was the outcome? I buried my wishes and managed to live the best I could. I was almost 30 when we met, me and the woman that was waiting for me. She really did. There never has been a shadow over our shared life and we had 7 kids. Raising them might have been a problem too hard to be answered beforehand but there were always doors opening where none had shown before.

She passed away for many years for reasons I only understood decades later, leaving me to complete the task we had begun in mutual love. But I think she still was helping from the realm of God and there has never been a single day of regret in my life.

Karen said (June 27, 2019):

Not meaning to spam, just this song will be stuck in my brain today.

Jimmy Rodgers- Kisses Sweeter than Wine

Then there's this:

Sandeep said (June 27, 2019):

Your last article basically describes the MGTOW philosophy, to stop seeking female validation (which is clear programming) and instead seek self-actualisation.

With me it was a strange one. I always had a strong discernment about a lot of things in life from an early age, including about women. I never succumbed to the hookup culture or was I overly infatuated with sex. As I got older and more informed, it was really obvious that sex was being used as a weapon to bring men and women down to a level of children (as you termed it ‘arrested development’).

I am quite happy with where I am today. I dodged a lot of bullets in this regard. If I hadn’t I would most likely be the opposite of who I am and what I have achieved. I think if people generally would realise that there is an elite structure out there that is sabotaging their life, many would be a lot better off.

Peter G said (June 27, 2019):

I can totally relate to your opening remarks

The film that did it for me was Geena Davis in Earth girls are easy the classic B movie sci-fi she looked absolutely stunning in her bikini and I just couldn't get over it.

G said (June 26, 2019):

Re: "If I had had more self-respect when I was younger and behaved accordingly, perhaps I would have awakened from this sleep much earlier."

Almost anyone could say this. It's a universal, comes with life and learning. But ya sure did learn well, Henry.

Let the wisdom of age now make up for the folly of youth.

JG said (June 26, 2019):

This article being eight years old tells us a lot of a different world. We were more innocent back then and "love" was still a part of our dream world.

Today however, this is not the case. Money, self, and technology has taken center stage. It has replaced living a life pleasing to God. Along with this loss goes compassion and the "spirit of sacrifice".

Once a life has lost its innocence and the ability to focus on others as much as we focus on ourselves it then becomes a miserable existence.

As the life that once existed in this world continues to fade away we'll still always have our memories of that once happier world and how life can be.

Shelley said (February 11, 2011):

n a nutshell, it seems you feel you wasted your time putting women on a pedestal when you think you should have focused on becoming more of a man; someone who didn't need another to complete him, sexually, emotionally or spiritually. The second part is valid. The first part just needs to be tweaked in my opinion. Good women should be on a pedestal and should be respected if they live by high moral standards; are respectful, caring and giving. If she takes good care of herself and is well groomed (but not conceited), this is a sign she will take care of her partner as well. (I think of the stereotypical Italian woman when I write this. She is someone who is incredibly attractive because she cares how she presents herself to her husband, nurtures her husband and family, grows old gracefully with dignity and is still embraced as the heart of the home in her final years. Her children, and especially her sons place her on a pedestal of respect.)

A man who holds such a woman in the highest regard wouldn't have to fear she would set out to destroy him because her focus would be to help to nurture all of his strengths. I would hope such a woman would seek an equally good man and hold him also, in the highest regard. I think where some go wrong is turning respect into worship and once that occurs, elements such as sex can displace respect as the priority and destroy the longevity of the relationship. That said, I truly think there are physical cues we seek in others that are programmed from an early age and help us find our best genetic match.

Michael said (February 11, 2011):

I made that same mistake with my ex-girlfriend, I left everything behind to chase after her, to "fall at her feet" and worship. She was physically one of the prettiest, but she had the
coldest heart, like a spider. I thought I could soften her heart, it just backfired. We were together for 2 years; in the process I got my
soul, my masculinity and my strength stripped from me.

A man cannot make a woman his journey, he will lose his soul. He needs a grand journey which doesn't centre around a woman, he will stumble over the right one as he lives out his purpose. That day we broke up I felt so free and so strong, it was like a veil fell from my eyes and I could see again. I could push towards a higher purpose. I can liken the higher purpose to climbing a mountain, you need to reach the peak; yet you don't even start climbing, because you'd rather go be with that pretty girl in the village. So a few years later you'r still with her, sitting on the porch feeling bored and empty, beer and sports has become you'r everything. It's because you made her you'r "higher purpose". Whereas you can choose to climb that mountain with the peak in focus, along the way you'l find a girl who's climbing too, she is
the one to befriend. At the end you'l sit with her, on the mountain peak, knowing you did your duty. I've learned that life is in part a
bundle of choices with a bundle of consequences; the earlier one learns which choices bring forth which consequences, the better. If a
man has no purpose to spend his testosterone on, he will chase after girls; that's the next best thing, but it leaves you empty.

Jon 1 said (February 10, 2011):

Given the state of easy sex and social media today, I think about the points you make in your article and think, Marriage and long term relationships are a thing of the past. Kids today and the under 35 crowd, just do "hook ups", and have "friends with benefits", (more sex with no strings). I think the idealist women (and men) from the past have given way to the high pressure realist world of work work work. Who has time for "family" anymore. Or real "effort" in a relationship. Families have been destroyed so kids learn they need to forget about the white picket fences in the meadow with the 2 kids and prince charming. Families that do have kids are working too hard to give Jr a "new" car, computer, x box or playstation, and save for a college eduction. Instead of making them go out and work for it. Guys have been so screwed by feminist judges in the courts during divorces that marriage has become a dirty word. The women out there have a serious conflict, the idealist world, between their biological drive to have kids and a family and the realist world of work and career that social programming and basic economics have trapped everyone in . But your point in your article about lovers with no self respect is common even today. I see pretty young girls with dubious guys that are either their drug dealers or their puppet master, or their future "anger management counselors". . Then I see way (fewer) guys that are infatuated with the dream girl you wrote about. I was told about 10 years ago by a friend after we went to a local watering hole (bar) "there had to be something really wrong with you if you did not have sex with a girl on a first date". With a "challenge" like that who would "invest" in any relationship ? The place was packed with lots of "opportunity". Later he pulled out a stack of photos to prove his adventures. I was kind of in shock but not really. My friend is only10 years younger than me. I am almost married 20 years to a wonderful girl and can say I would do it again but like todays folks that are getting married later in life, I might have waited a bit and not let the impatience of youth rush me.

Jon part 2 said (February 10, 2011):

The other factor with women and men to a greater degree is the poisoning of the food supply. Womens hormones are all out of whack seemingly all the time and while this has been a normal biological roller coaster for us 'hormone hostages" The food supply has damaged peoples livers and thyroids. Between the Soy and Gluten overload / allergies they have been able to make a lot of people unhealthy and miserable slowly and covertly. This directly contributes to the relationship problems so many of us experience. What these organs do to a person when they are out of balance is the subject of an entire health article but I will sum it up here. They become a different person ! The thryoid controls how well and how fast all of your other body process work. A slow or low thryoid will make one depressed, tired, moody, can even cause death in some cases. Your liver as everyone knows is a filter. Its job is to remove toxins and also HORMONES from your blood stream. Take our women friends and wives. Their hormones ebb and flow like the tides.

However what do you think the result of a woman who had all those (emotional) hormones added and added and added to their blood that time of the month and then the liver because it was damaged, tired, unable, did not did not remove, remove, remove those hormones ? You already know the answer. You are living with a monster. You will be able to do nothing right. Horrible insults will relentlessly come from her oral cavity and you generally will live a horrible co existence, until you either 1. fix the root problem, 2. Dope her up with prozac (common remedy) or 3. Remove yourself from her company, (divorce, separation, break-up). That is the truth. My story has a somewhat happy ending in that my relationship did not require divorce to get back on track. However it took half dozen visits to different doctors until I found a doctor schooled in natural medicine who spent time figuring out the problem and not just wanting to put a band aid on symptoms ! .

Short story, avoid soy and gluten and your body can recover, slowly of course. I will admit when I heard the diagnosis I was extremely skeptical but once her symptoms abated and I got my girl back I was a believer. Grandma was right, it had to be fresh and it had to be from the garden, or farmers market. We always teased her about that but she lived to be a healthy 95 and she was having the last laugh.... All in all you can suggest certain things to people but most disregard it because they got if for free and did not have to pay anything for it. Life's lessons. Oh what fun....

Kurtis said (February 9, 2011):

I think that you're missing the main point of life.

We are here to perpetuate the species.

Nothing else matters, accept as it supports this main point in life.

We fill the non-procreative hours with fluff. But, somehow, we have to give it meaning.

So, we invent meaning.

I fear that the meaning you have invented for yourself is more a reaction to *your* prior reactions to societal pressure than it is a pure, freely formed meaning.

It's OK to be confused. But I feel, from reading your words, that you are simply running down a different Rabbit Hole.

I have a lot of the same experiences that you do.

And I have found my soul mate. And I want her on all levels: intellectual, spiritual, moral, sexual and ordinary life.

I suggest that you are mistaking this point in your life journey to be your destination.

If you live to be 122 years old, will you simply look back on the journey up to this day in the same way you are looking back now?

Leslie said (February 9, 2011):

As a woman, I too have suffered the degradations and rejection of men and could have spent my youth pursuing my dreams instead of trying to please unpleased-able men and wasting my youth on them.
The bitterness goes both ways. They treated me bad because I am plain and not “hot”—and yes I am thin. Why do old fat men go after hot women? Why are they still so shallow? When I treated men well, they threw it back in my face. Can’t win.

Mike said (February 9, 2011):

Great piece. I, for one, have also been sucked into the grinder of believing I had to have validation from a woman for me to validate my manhood. For too many years, whether it is GQ Magazine, sitcoms, radio...EVERYWHERE, men havn't been allowed to be men to the point that we wouldn't recognize it if it slapped us.

I agree with you in that we are to have a "help-meet" rather than a "soul-mate" in that God knows a mans real need and the other is pure emotion that changes with the wind.

Thomas said (February 9, 2011):

have been reading your columns for some time now. The article "Dumping My Dream Girl". It certainly has given me some things to ponder like quit chasing hot women and seeking their approval. I am sure it has something to do with the approval I never got from my mom and still don't get. I have a degree in psychology, but that certainly is more illuminati brainwashing on some level. We need to be secure and happy within ourselves as men. Hopefully, the rest will fall into place

Ben said (February 9, 2011):

That was one of your best articles. I like how your writing is always candid. It's hard not to be bitter when you understand the macrocosm. This is what I had to say on my facebook today: 'The frivolous, superficial drones that have been taught to conflate love with money and status can stick 'Valentine's Day' - and its putrid milieu of materialism, false entitlement and superfluity - so far up their arses that they'll have to spit plastic roses to talk. This man won't be ripped-off again.' I think even 25% is giving it too much credit.

Marcos said (February 9, 2011):

It seems you have become an alpha male at last !
Life as a man is hard and dry: we can't cry, we must battle the world for a place, we face competition. Our curse is to win our bread with the sweat of our brows. For sensitive and intelligent boys, fantasy is the only way out, and there is no better fantasy than romantic love with a beautiful girl. This has been around since Goethe's "Sorrows of Young Werther" and even before.

Unfortunately, women are hard wired to be turned off by needy, clinging or too sensitive men. They like independent, self assured and strong men. They will test the man over and over, and he must stand his ground. Even a good, conservative woman will cool her affections if she senses neediness. She may not leave you, but she will be turned off. Taken to the extreme, we see cases of women who love jerks and even criminals. Their minds tell them something, but their guts (sexual attraction) tell them another.

Some guys, the "pick-up artists" (see have learned this psychological strategy and are "pumping and dumping" women, passing through their feminist defenses and aiming at the core of their femininity. It works. Unfortunately, the end result is that these cynical men won't marry or have children. However, I believe that the strategy works and is critical even for married men in order to keep their spouses happy.

Romantic love is an impossibility because of women's psychology. Had Romeo and Juliet lived, maybe we could have seen her cheating on Romeo for a more independent, self assured guy. Have you ever seen a romantic female poet?

Men's psychology doesn't help either: the best spouses are the best friends, but men are seldom sexually attracted to the homely, down to earth women who would make the best partners. It is a shame.

Isn't ironic that even Goethe renounced his romantic work at the end of his life.

Dan said (February 8, 2011):

Exposing past follies is our gift to the young. If the article hits closer to home than most young male readers would admit, maybe they'll learn something.

Tom said (February 8, 2011):

The dream you had captures the essence of modern heterosexuality. The male is like a dog chasing his own tail, wasting so much time, energy and heartache on the promise of high romance, ecstatic sex and the perfect union with a woman. It is like all satanic promises; an illusion.

Even though I have been married nearly 30 years. I still rationalize the behaviors of 'my dream girl' of 30 years because to think of the alternatives is too heart breaking for me, for the kids and logistically too 'difficult'. From the outside we appear to be 'soul mates'..... the illusion continues.

I accept most of the responsibility as I chose to marry, for the most part, motivated by aesthetics, but physical appearance has a huge market out there...and to top it off older attractive woman are big business these days and my 'dream girl' 'aint getting any the contrary.

Thanks for your wisdom Doc.

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at